Have you ever been so hurt that you can’t explain or actually put it into words so you’re not crying or pissed but can’t figure the emotion out? That’s so fucking scary. Usually I could manic I’ve realized recently but now? Quiet. Scarier.

courtxo2 reblogged

nexi11tarot

30 day tarot spread challenge

ok so I have alot of tarot decks that I don't use as often as I'd like, so im gonna go a 30 day tarot/oracle spread challenge to become more familiar with all of my decks- you can do this along with me, at the end of the thirty days I'll compose a post with all the spreads in one place so more people can do it if they want too!

Day 1/30

Spread: ''this is me'' spread by Cat Crawford

decks I'm using: the pulp tarot, spirit ally's oracle deck.

My reading:

card one, the moon: the moon is a very spiritual card to get for ''what my soul is crying out for.'' The moon is all about unconscious desires, intution, instinct- the card itself shows a pair of wolfs holding a telescope and howling at the moon. so I wonder if this is trying to tell me that my soul is litterally crying out for intuitive insight and a deeper connection with subconscious forces? My soul wants me to take a closer, intimate look at what my dreams and subconscious has to say. like how people use the telescope to inspect the moon, the stars, the abstract shapes in the sky, my soul wants me to inspect the craters in my unconscious, to be curious and willing to explore them. My soul is yearning for a more profound relationship with the side of me that's turned away from the light, for the side of the moon that's never lit if you will. this is making me think of shadow work, meditation, dream work.

Card two, seven of swords: This is also a juicy card to get for the question ''what you conscious mind is saying.'' the seven of swords possesses a secretive quality, if this this represents the attitude my conscious mind has towards my soul's desires, then the attitude is very much ''go away, get out of my sight.'' my conscious mind feels the need to dismiss and repress intuitive guidance, and traits of my shadow self. The image on the deck im using shows a woman stashing papers and cash away into a safe, so I feel like this is definitely communicating that on a conscious level, I feel the need to hide and repress aspects of my soul and aspects of my shadow into a safe space that no one can access. my conscious mind wants to deceive and hide, and meanwhile, my soul wants to uncover.

Card three, ten of swords: this card depicts the conflict being created between the souls' desires and the conscious mind's desires. the ten of swords in my deck depicts the aftermath of a crime scene, with the blood staining the floor and the swords on top. The ten of swords itself is about trauma, painful but necessary endings, conflict, crisis. I think this card is trying to tell me that the wounds im creating internally are a result of this rift between my spiritual and conscious mind, the card can be about betrayal, so I literally interpret this as me betraying myself by doing this.

Card four. Lakshmi: this showing up as what will help me with my souls' desires is cool to me. this is one of the Hindu goddesses that I know the most about, I love everything about her LMAO. Shes the goddess of abundance and beauty, and each of her four arms represent different characteristics of her divinity. She represents the energy I need to embody in order to reconnect and fulfill what my soul is yearning to do. The oracle card guidebook focuses on the act of gratitude and seeking abundance from several sources other than monetary ones. I think when it comes to fulfilling my soul's objective, this is a call to be more mindful of how much I really have in terms of family, opportunity and growth, I need to be more appreciative towards my shadow side instead of dismissive of it.

Review of the spread/cards used:

The reading defiantly accurately portrays the tension between my subconscious and conscious mind. I do desire to connect with my shadow side and spiritualty more, but there's a blockage on a conscious level that makes me want to hide and tuck away any potential guidance I could receive. self-reflection is not hard for me to do, but meditation, dream work and going inwards can be difficult for me to do in a spiritual lense. My mind is always on, always analyzing and reacting to whatever junk my subconscious spews, and it makes it difficult to see what the more intuitive side of me has to say. This voice deserves more strength than what it's been allowed to exercise.

I feel like the pulp tarot carries so much opportunity to do deep, spiritual readings than people may realize. The cards perfectly display the retro aesthetic of pulp magazines and art, but they also have so much thought and symbolism to work with in it as well. I chose this deck because I dont use it as much as I thought I would when I got it because so used to using my rider waite deck (probably because it's the first deck i owned,) but im glad I tried this spread with the deck. The spirit ally's oracle is interesting because it has gods, goddess, plants, crystals, zodiac signs so there's alot of readings you can do with deck that can be both practical and spiritual. Anyways, I think tomorrow Im going to do a shadow work tarot spread to stay true to the message I got today!