i can’t believe i fell for it

This was actually pretty clever

This is some next generation bullshit fuck me

I want you all to know that i hate everyone

I knew what it would be and i still watched it….

I played myself.

I fuckin knew it

Bruh 😂😂😂😂😂😂.

He caught the gay

So my friend once hooked up with a recently out doctor. Apparently it was doc first time but the fingering made my friend melt. Turns out doc was just doing what he did on prostate exams. So doc in the closet was basically destroying prostate left and right under the guise of prostate exams. Gay finds a way

I’m gonna apply for a job at Gordon Ramsay new restaurant and I’m gonna get it

I submitted my application and resume

I GOT THE FUCKING INTERVIEW

My interview is in a few hours. I got this but wish me luck

reblog for good luck

I’m sorry but out of context this is really fucking funny

I’m going to assume that he went to hell, met Satan and realized the guy was just a fucking loser

That’s literally what happened though, when he was in the coma he had a near death experience where he went to hell and found out Satan looked like a Jabba The Hutt-esque monster who vomited blood all over him for being too lazy (I am not making this up) and then he woke up and he was like “you know, satanic metal is still a banger but that guy sucks”. 

Never meet your heroes.

did humans invent math or did we discover it

does math even exist

i already regret making this post bc smart people keep messaging me trying to explain math and it’s making me nauseous 

The universe did some weird shit, and humans were like “Got you now motherfucker! We got numbers and shit to figure it all out!”. And as punishment for this hubris God fucked up physics so hard we still don’t know what’s going on.

some fucker decided they could just start counting things and it was all downhill from there

cr: @thepigeongazette

Calvin and Hobbes still relevant 25 years later.

Dear college bound friends,

Please do not start your essay with “Music has always been a big part of my life.” I get it. It’s the start of every. single, fricken, essay. And I know I probably made the same mistakes when I was writing mine. 

Love, 

A College Admissions Counselor

Can I start it with “dude bro. Music is the bomb digity.” ?

Honestly, you wouldn’t be the first person. I had a student start an essay with “Ball is life” and they got a scholarship so…

I am incredibly curious as to why a college admissions officer has a tumblr

Shouldn’t we be worried that a college admission officer HAS a tumblr??

American movie be like

if you still like chris brown you ugly

I’m ugly then 😐

you sure are girl!

i have reblogged this twice already and every single time i cry laughing

this exchange between me and my sister about animal crossing reads like two comrades bleeding out on the battlefield

zeus, poseidon, hades, hera, hestia and demeter: *are born*

kronos: