(Un)Lost

why is this so fucky funny

we’re really at that point in the year where no one cares about anything huh

My psych professor mentioned swaddling in lecture so I emailed him a picture of me being swaddled in my dorm room and asked if I could get extra credit because it was really hot in there and I got really sweaty and he was like “fabulous, sure”

A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587.5TB.

Now that’s a lot of information to swallow

how do I delete other people’s posts

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

Oh! I forgot to mention! I saw him at lunch the same day, and he ran up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at this super sweet girl who comes to GSA and asked if she’s gay. I told him he should ask her because that’s not my place and he said he would.

I thought that would be the end of it.

Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular. 

But this wholesome dumbass looked really confused and asked, “Because I’m tall?’

So this isn’t lesbian/jock solidarity but I thought you guys would want to know-

My math teacher was trying to fix the rolling whiteboard and he just offhand said “This would be easier with a wrench”

And deadass, dudebro said “Hang on” and then proceeded to pull a fucking wrench out of his backpack

Update- after school today he saw me in the library and he didn’t say anything? He just pointed at the book he was holding and I gave him a thumbs up because it’s a pretty good book, and he went “Yes!” Really quiet and pumped his fist and then left

Okay so today he asked me if I know how to help people having a panic attack and I was like yeah? And he smiled at me and then went “cool I think I’m having one”

And I was like what the fuck Colin we’re in the middle of Tech class sit down and we went out in the hall and sat there for a while and he told me about the test he’s stressed about so we kind of went over his study guide and when he was feeling better he kind of like… smacked his head against mine gently? And I helped him up even though he’s almost a foot taller than me and yeah

Today at lunch we walked to the football field and laid in the grass and I told him thank you for being my friend (because I don’t have that many) and fistbumped me and said, “You always looked so nice and chill, how could I not want to be your friend?”

And honestly y’all, I would’ve started crying if he hadn’t sneezed and accidentally smacked me

If you rearrange the letters in the light it spells alien

If you add in the partial letters touched by the light it’s “E.T. Alien” 👽

This is the greatest video I’ve ever seen in my life

fun fact: Michael Cera asked Rihanna if he could slap her ass for real and she said “you can slap my ass for real if I can slap you in the face for real” and he was like alright. and they did the take like 3 times and Michael was like “you’re not hitting me hard enough do it for real” and then she slapped the fuck out of him and threw off his equilibrium so much he had to go lay down in his trailer for like half an hour lmao and that’s the take they used in the movie with no added sound effects 

My mom just sent me this picture of my dog…I guess we got a lot of snow, then

update:

Great update

Where’s his Oscar?

I think about this a lot

british podcasts be like "rate and review us on iChunes"

every british person on this post trying to roast me is just going "american podcasts be like [pronounces it correctly]"

Dutch King shares funny video with Dutch Prime Minister during Trump speech at UN

me and my buddy at the back of the classroom when the annoying kid is doing a presentation

The biggest scam your brain is telling you is that everybody else is human and allowed to make mistakes but that you yourself have to be perfect and flawless to deserve their company

“imagine i had i bowl of skittles and three of them could kill you-”

i turned on the light in the dining room but Tubby had been sleeping in a chair and it woke her up and she was Not Pleased

yes

however we recently got her a new ceramic fountain that better suits her aesthetic

and her own fainting couch

but she still prefers a good lap whenever possible

@unpretty what is Ms. Tubby’s full name if it is not Tubby?

Tubbitha

him

yes

devour the dumpling child

who is he

security question: what was the last name of your first grade teacher?

my first grade teacher hacking my bank account: i’m in

why is this so fucking funny 

if you’re not gonna sing pop punk with me in my car then i don’t think it’s gonna work out

I can’t with this

video description: a tiny, tubby orange and white kitten is rolling around on a patterned blanket. someone approaches him with an appropriately small brush and attempts to groom him, succeeding in brushing his side and tummy but then having to field his clumsy attempts at smacking the brush. he is so cute it is criminal.