tucks you in and kisses your forehead then shows you my knuckle tats that say SEEP TITE
This is legitimately the funniest thing that has ever happened on MBMBAM
heraareyouthere
who doesn’t eat raw pasta tho, that’s a thing???
taako-waititi
transcript:
Justin: Hi, Brooks!
Travis: [crosstalk] Hello, Brooks!
Brooks: So, my question is - my boyfriend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing… handfuls of fettuccine?
[audience laughs]
Brooks: Unco - [laughs] uncooked?
Griffin: [sarcastically] I would hope he’s not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine, Brooks!
Travis: In your pantry?!
Brooks: No - and eating them raw - [audience groans] - and he keeps calling them chips?
Justin: Okay -
[audience laughs]
Brooks: How do I make him stop?
Travis: Is your boyfriend here?
Brooks: Yeah.
Travis: You’re a monster! [audience and Justin laugh] Words mean things!
Griffin: Does anyone remember - [clears throat] I haven’t been to olive garden in… many moons, but they do have like, a little, like - fettuccine… bottle that you can just grab ‘em out of and chew - hold on! [indignantly] Was this a prank you guys pulled on me when we went to Olive Garden as kids?!
[audience laughs]
Griffin: No. Stop, everybody shut up! [audience and Justin laugh] Do they give you fe - raw fettuccine to chew on in the lobby of the Olive Garden??
Audience: No!
Griffin: YOU ST- FUCKIN’ - BASTARDS!
Travis: [crosstalk] Yaaaaaaayyy!!
[audience starts cheering and clapping]
Justin: The prestige!!
[Travis and Justin cackle while the audience cheers. Griffin presumably has his head in his hands.]
Travis: And now you have IBS!
Griffin: I didn’t -!
Travis: [triumphantly] We got ‘im!
Griffin: What I need you - [aside] Brooks, we’ll get back to you - [to his brothers] what I need you two to understand is - [Justin wheezes and giggles] that was not - the only time I went to Olive Garden. [audience laughs] There were - [laughs]
Travis: [in disbelief] Were there never employees around, like -??
Justin: [high-pitched giggles]
[audience laughs even more at Justin’s giggling]
Griffin: I - I! Wanting to seem like an authentic metropolitan… diner, would always grab the fettuccine and walk over to my friends like, “Mm, yeah, I’m a little - a little peckish -”
Travis: [cackles]
Justin: Griffin - Griffin, I -
Griffin: I fucking can’t believe - I can’t believe you did that, and I can’t believe literally I’m finding out in the worst imaginable venue -
Justin: Speaking as a former Olive Garden employee, there is - if I saw a little kid eating fettu - raw fettuccine, the… odds of me stopping them are negative one thousand percent.
[audience laughs]
Griffin: Okay, Brooks.
Justin: Brooks.
Griffin: Yeah, so I’m - gonna -
Justin: Wait -
Griffin: Sit this one out, Brooks! [audience and Travis laugh]
Justin: Brooks, is it possible that your boyfriend has been laboring under the same delusion as my brother for all these years? [audience laughs] “Oh, but wait, they sell this for you to take home? Okay! Little fancy for myself, then!”
[Griffin and audience giggle]
Travis: Brooks, is it possible -
Griffin: Mmm.
Travis: - your boyfriend does not believe these are chips, but instead, likes to annoy you, by calling them chips, a thing I - not exactly that, but similar - do to my wife all the time? [audience laughs]
Griffin: Is it possible, your boyfriend… loves chips. And you never have chips, and this is his way of passive-aggressively sort of - [audience laughs] guilting you into go - “Ooh, these are tasty chips!” - and as a raw fettuccine eater myself, I can tell you, it’s not a - it’s not a good chew!
[audience and brothers laugh]
Griffin: You do it, and you put it in your mouth, and your six-year-old brain thinks, it’ll turn to fettuccine in the heat of your mouth. [hysterically, as audience laughs] It doesn’t work like that! It doesn’t work like that! It just doesn’t work like that.
Justin: Brooks -
[recording ends]
my hognose snake bridget is v squirmy but when I hold her in a lil bundle in my fist, she is content 😭
This is Maize. He is somehow a real animal that lives in my house.
Look at this thing
(Disclaimer: Maize has a jaw deformity and sometimes likes to hold his mouth open. He does not have a respiratory illness. He's just a weird lookin guy)
Corn dogs are named for their traditional meat, the unicorn. As unicorns are now extinct, they can only be referred to properly as ‘Corn Dogs and not “Unicorn Dogs” as they were prior to 2009.
This is actually a common misconception! While the Unicorn Dog did exist and was discontinued following the extinction of unicorns in 2009, the Corn Dog is not a rebranding of the Unicorn Dog! The Corn Dog was created in 2003 by James H. Corn, though it remained a relatively unpopular Ohio treat until 2010 when Mr. Corn took the opportunity left by the Unicorn Dog’s exit from the market to take over the niche.
hm. thats not right
The only visible text being "Hey guys we noticed every other web(site) failing. We really wanted to throw our ha(t in)" REALLY adds to this post
they did it they collapsed reblogs
yoooo my phone makes thumbs up emojis for furries this is fucking sick
no fucking way.
WHAT THE FUCK
I...
Unmute !
nunyabizni
The Aussies have a thing or two to learn it would seem.
I’ve never seen an Ostrich look SO offended in my life.
Let’s hear it for unorthodox animal handling skills!
The ostrich is either so offended that it just can’t stand it, or it’s so confused that this other ostrich thing has gone and shapeshifted on it.
wtfneptune
my liege you cannot trust this buffoon. he doesn’t even begin every other sentence with “my liege.” he‘ll never whisper in your ear the way i do it, my liege. sire. your fuckableness
I’ve never been afraid of the ocean.
(Based on a dream I had about a creature that survives by connecting to undersea internet cables. Happy Halloween!!)
my favorite calvin and hobbes comic is the one where his dad just rolls up and casually destroys his entire night by pointing out some neat trivia about record players
phoenixavalon
#his expression in the last panel is black comic gold #the best part is that his dad was trying to be nice
are you sure. are you sure calvin’s dad is not a seasoned elder trickster. are you sure this isn’t the exact outcome he was hoping for
backdropkid
ok but that’s actually canon
You forgot this one
*looks pointedly at ETD*
Calvin’s dad is basically a Calvin who has learned that he can’t get away with running outside naked or throwing snowballs at neighborhood girls, but he is still precisely the same little shit under the thin veneer of civilization.
@lyricwritesprose Calvin and Hobbes has been one of my favorite things since I could read and Calvin’s dad one of my favorite characters, but that last comment blew my mind wide open. Of course that’s what he is. Of course.
one of the most subtly delightful things about calvin and hobbes is that you can SEE that calvin is his parents’ kid: his dad is so playful and imaginative, and his mom has a heck of a temper and a good sense of what’s right and wrong. calvin is a smart, passionate, imaginative kid who gets really upset when he thinks things are stupid or unfair. he drives his parents crazy sometimes because he’s a kid. but they were probably a lot like calvin themselves, when they were little.
bird-says-be-gay-do-crimes
My favorite goddamn comic
Also didn’t Calvin make a comment once that apparently his grandma said his mother was just as much of a troublemaker as he is