Because Why Not

Image prompt

“Gary, I realize it’s your first day, but we do have a dress code.”

I literally can’t tell who is talking to who, and I don’t want to change that for a second.

This fucks exponentially no more "good rep" I want exclusively bad evil metal hardcore rep

what socks do pirate love the most?

Arrrrgyle

you got it! what’s a pirate’s favorite element?

Arrrrrrrgon

right again. what’s a pirate’s favorite state to visit?

Arrrrrrrrrkansas?

yep. what’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

R!

oh, you think it’s an R, but it’s really the C

Heard a guy do a pirate song once and yell out jokes like this to the audience during the bridge. The last one:

Singer: “What’s a pirate’s favorite crime?” The audience, primed by now: “Arr-son!” Singer stops playing, stares at us all reproachfully, says: “Piracy.”

cishet guys love goth chicks until they start doing goth chick things, not me, I’m looking for my Morticia and stepping up my Gomez game until I am worthy, I would love to go to the Museum of Death with you, I would love to show you my taxidermy and oddity collection and I would love to see yours, I would love to go to your favorite cemeteries babe

I don’t mind sitting on the edge of the bathtub keeping you company while you tease your hair for 30 minutes. I love it when I hand you the aux cord and you play Bauhaus. You have such great taste in everything,

It’s okay that you got white foundation on my Disintegration shirt when you hugged me. I don’t mind at all.

Then this post isn’t for you.

Anyway. Ladies, look at my antique mummified piranha:

Sick.

its literally so funny when someone in a mystery dies and everyones just like "okay well clearly everyone here is a suspect we all hated that bitch"

Just taking time here to appreciate the fact that the app download site for Tumblr is tumblr.co/hellsite

"The male gaze" this, "the female gaze that". You're all wrong. There is only The Gaze. The Eye. The Ceaseless Watcher.

Holy Shit

there’s a cat in my house!!

this isn’t news he’s lived here for like 4 years now i just love him so much

Me: *shows basic human decency to cashier

Cashier: ??!?! Thank you! You’re the nicest person ever!

Me: are you ok

Reblog if politeness to retail and service workers is important to you.

honestly 

I have been waiting all year to post this.

omg

This has been in my queue for months.

I missed it last year and I vowed that would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

YES

omg i didnt reblog this last year!

i think it’s good for kids to read at least one horrifically dark, graphic YA series when they’re too young to fully get it. gives them some flavor.

It’s the Unwind series for me ✨✌️

when i was a child i thought ‘male enhancement’ pills just made you a better guy. they made you pleasant to be around. the man on the commercial had a big smile on his face and they made a point of how happy his wife was and everyone loved him. this is honestly what i thought

That’s what they should be methinks

"ingredients you can pronounce" "all natural" "organic" "no chemicals"

i think im in love with you

everyone talks about how tumblr should make an @everyone feature, but I have another proposal: an @anyone feature. this tags a few users at random and there’s no way of predicting who it will be. this will also solve nothing and make everything worse

I guess this is how it works

genuine props to this publication for finding such a stark, simple, provocative way to say... all of it

Strangers came up to me and my boyfriend behind the bus station and handed us pronoun pins but, like, didnt ask for our pronouns first or anything, they just assigned us some I think

This is how you assign a gender, class.