Love me I'm dying.

i formally apologize to anyone who knew me when i was 13

me

IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER

are u sure? like are u really sure? have u seen me? u did not think this through

Merry fuckin Christmas where is the hard liquor

IM OF AGE NOW GIVE ME A DAMN DRINK

Writer Chaz Hutton’s Brutally Honest Illustrations Perfectly Sum Up Adulthood

Ghost hunting show that’s basically a reverse Scooby-Doo where in every episode the “ghost” turns out to be a different, unrelated supernatural creature or phenomenon. The main character is so focused on proving the existence of ghosts in particular that they’re always crushingly disappointed by this, and the moment they figure out it’s not a ghost they immediately lose all interest in investigating further. There is no indication that non-ghost supernatural phenomena are in any way commonplace or well known, and other characters react to them with the expected shock and fear – it’s just the lead who’s completely unfazed by any weirdness that isn’t a ghost.

#in the final episode it turns out that their primary investigative companion was a ghost all along #they just never said anything because it was never the right time to bring it up #the show is 100% consistent about never having any character other than the lead directly acknowledge the companion’s presence

Emma Bleker (via wordsnquotes)

my uncle and aunt were arguing over who had to drive home then we heard my aunt say “babe look” and she started chugging a bottle of wine

im the aunt

this is me

I'm the aunt.

im actually really afraid that no one will fall in love with me

I've been waiting MONTHS to share this

uhm actually saying “go touch grass” is really offense because some people are allergic to grass and you’re basically telling them to kill themselves via fjdjfhskdiewnaldkskjdjenw 10;8:!/&&/ snjdjdjdjebssk xdmdmw 7 (walked into an electric fence)

diversity win! the person who is using an electroshock weapon against you over and over is using your preferred pronouns!

ID: Tumblr tags reading #good. taze xem again. /End ID

diversity win! this post about you being electrocuted is now accessible to screen readers.

Drop & Squish Collection by sand.tagious

Wildest dreams // Taylor Swift

I hate this

world heritage post

wholesome interactions i saw in the metro :’(

another wholesome interaction i saw recently

Y'ever think about what absolute mad decadence we live in that "vanilla" means "plain"

Anytime someone says 'it's just vanilla ice cream' I have to restrain myself from saying, "ah yes, the flavor produced by the seeds of a tropical orchid, a flower which blossoms for a single day before dying, the second most expense spice in the world. Just that."

Historically, the spices I have in my cabinet are an embarrassment of riches. I have there a large container of whole black peppercorns which I grate fresh over my food. Multiple containers of cinnamon because I forgot I already had some. Ginger, cardamom, red pepper flakes, whole cloves and ground, nutmeg and turmeric. Kings and emperors have not eaten food so well spiced.

I have vanilla ice cream in my freezer (cold! frozen! when the rich would pay fortunes to send for ice from mountains to chill fruit in the summers). I am going to put on my silk robe, fix myself a bowl, and feast.

It's wild when you put it like that. I've pouches and jars of exotic spices from halfway across the globe just chilling in my cupboard. I have bags of spices my wealthiest ancestors possibly never heard of.

I am not a rich man and yet last week I made butter chicken using garam masala, turmeric, ginger, cumin, coriander and fenugreek. The rice I cooked had whole cloves, black pepper, turmeric and cardamon pods in it. This was a cheap meal for me, I live in North-Western Europe on a shitty cold island and casually use tropical spices every single day.

I have separate 100g bags of whole and ground jeera because it's more convenient for me to own twice as much than to grind what I have when I need it.

i may be a fucking idiot but at least i can understand donald duck

Carnally

Stop being funnier than me

Could you imagine if the next Batman film was like centered on Bruce but like the batfam is in background.

Bruce is on a call in a car, the car stops, a kid in a school uniform gets in.

Bruce is talking to someone, a teen in a superboy shirt is passed out in the corner, Bruce puts a blanket on him and keeps walking.

Bruce is in the bat cave, two people are seen in the background sparing.

Bruce is getting coffee and a kid in yellow is up eating breakfast.

Just the kids in the background no explanation their just doing normal bat things.

via bree newsome bass on twitter: 

“The widely circulated timeline created by @Zerflin does a great job in showing how recently slavery & segregation occurred & that they lasted longer than the modern era. 

“I'd like to offer this timeline as another way of viewing the same period of history to show the constancy of both Black resistance in US & efforts of the white power structure to maintain racial caste since 1619.”

https://twitter.com/breenewsome/status/986427881680228354

#i like to think data took him all the way to the brig tossed him in and left#and then came back 60 seconds later and was like ‘i believe i have successfully played a ‘practical joke’ on you :)’#riker loses it & claps him on the back like ‘wow. good job u rly had me going. dont ever fucking do that again’ Perfect.

Actually it’s 73 seconds. Data, knowing something of how human minds work, estimates that Riker will give him 60 seconds to come back (because humans prefer “round numbers”, however arbitrary the units). After 60 seconds it will take 4 seconds for Riker to fully process the conclusion that Data is, in fact, not coming back after all, and an additional 9 seconds to build to the optimum level of anxiety. 

After all, comedy is timing.