Audit & Salt

I can hear my kid playing supermarket by herself and she’s telling all the customers that they are disgusting and they need to leave

And she's right

They grow up so fast omg ;---;

Chaotic Good brother.

The Missoulian, Missouri, March 5, 1929

Straight Men just Be Like That sometimes

Can y’all relax in the notes you’d think OP personally called all of you shitty parents with how mad you’re getting

Happy Yule, Thirteen is gay, fa la la la la…~

Thirteen x Tardis, because Jodie’s latest photoshoot is amazing. I’ve been trying to up my edit game.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) dir Chris Columbus

gilmore girls rewatch: 2.12 “richard in stars hollow”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I was ready to be mad

The Customer is never valid.

Their coupons? Not valid

Their inability to read sale signs? Not valid

Their attitude and entitlement? Not valid

The way they trash the store? Not valid

The way they talk to employees like we're subhuman trash? Not valid.

Employees? We're valid as fuck

Customer Service Wolf.

That wolf embodies the thoughts of most in customer service

Bookstore staff for 9 years, and boy, this is eerily accurate, I can barely stand to look at it!

@amileofrandomness it came back on my dash and I think of you, dear

I cannot believe this happened to Robert Pattinson on the set of Twilight

I’M SCREAMING

We are all smiling vampires who want to keep our jobs at hotel hell

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boss asked me if i knew what a brony was today but he pronounced it like “brownie” then started explaining, but somehow I’M THE WEIRD ONE FOR INTERRUPTING WITH “Oh, you mean BRONYS, yeah, they do want to fuck horses!”

boss today asked me if I knew what a bear was and it took the incredible effort of forcing every bone in my body to solidify into one giant Super Bone and in the process fusing my jaw shut for me to stop myself from saying “uh, yeah dude, you but gay.”

boss texted me today about all the business we’ve been getting and i texted back “haha yup our dance card is getting pretty full!” followed immediately by two minutes of debilitating panic about whether that was an actual saying or just some nonsense I’d made up.

boss came to my office today strictly to tell me he got hamilton tickets and had the nerve to be insulted when i referred to him as “the biggest copycat there ever was.”

boss today texted me the most unorthodox elipsis i’ve ever seen

my boss’s parents and my parents each have vacation homes in the same retirement community, which is widely rumored to be a hotbed of sexual depravity, so sometimes i deliberately antagonize him by implying - very innocently and with plausible deniability - that our parents swing with each other

boss just came into my office to ask me a question, paused and said “what the FUCK are you listening to?” and when i sheepishly admitted it was a remix of the wii shop channel music, he just left.

op what is your occupation

Rascal.