reckless-tunes
“I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie I have my freedom, but I don’t have much time Faith has been broken, tears must be cried Let’s do some living after we die”
Back to the surgeon tomorrow.
Funny, ever since I got the ps4, I hated multiplayer games. But I’m finding Friday the 13th game a lot of fun, though I tend to be one of Jason’s first victims. It’s sometimes hilarious watching the counselors who are still alive doing the dumbest things trying to survive.
Just downloaded GTA V, Mass Effect: Andromeda, Until Dawn, and Bat man: Arkham Knight.
Horizon: Zero Dawn is freaking GORGEOUS, but I’m having difficulty with the controls.
I’ve pretty much played through every Resident Evil game out there. Damn, but the plot lines are immersive.
I apparently have over 100 games in my library. Lord, I need a life.
Help me if you can
It’s just that this is
Not the way I’m wired
So could you please
Help me understand why
You’ve given in to all these
Reckless dark desires you’re
Lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
You’re pounding on a fault line
What’ll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you
Wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, well I don’t wanna watch you
Disconnect and self destruct one
Bullet at a time
What’s your rush now, everyone will have his day to die
Medicated, drama queen
Picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all it’s decadence
Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
You’re pounding on a fault line
What’ll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna
Throw it away like this
Such a mess, well I don’t wanna watch you
Disconnect and self destruct one
Bullet at a time
What’s your rush now, everyone will have his day to die
They were right about you
Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
You’re pounding on a fault line
What’ll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna
Throw it away like this
Such a mess, over this, over this
Disconnect and self destruct
One bullet at a time
What’s your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere
Do it somewhere far away from here
A Perfect Circle
Update.
Haven't been on here for awhile. Had another operation, and still recovering. Honestly, I spend most of my time talking to my friend Cody, generally through voice chat through ps4. Video games, movies, and tv shows via amazon are generally how I spend my time. I'm still struggling with addiction, self-harm, depression, and PTSD. Looking for a counselor now. It's been rough. But I've got some really close friends who make sure to tell me they love me, no matter how irrational and selfish I act. Spent last night in the ER and saw my surgeon today, and luckily the pain has calmed down some. I miss the people I used to talk to on here. I hope anyone who reads this is doing well. I will be okay. A day at a time.
I'm back....sort of. Ended up in the hospital again.
So much has gone on this year. Not going to go into it in detail. Suffice to say it's been rough.
Anonymous asked:
i'm sorry you're sick
No need to be sorry. My health will never be normal, and pushing through makes me stronger in the long run. No matter how often I say I want to give up, I don't.I appreciate the sentiment, though.
You, you keeping on screaming from the top of Your lungs, Mr. Who Gives A Shit, just shut up Oh, the podium is all yours, go right ahead The plastic king of castle polyethylene Go on, time to be a good little pig You're worth it, oh you're so, so 'Cause when the rug gets pulled out from underneath Just embrace the fall Oh you got spirit, kid You're number one Go on living that farce Cause nobody gives a fuck who you are You, I'll never have the chance that you got No, oh, I won't dwell, I'll just accept I'll be forgot... forgotten 'Cause when the rug gets pulled out from underneath Just embrace the fall Oh you got spirit, kid You're number one Go on living that farce Cause nobody gives a fuck who you are So why are you crying? So why are you crying? When you've got the world When you've got the world To command
Resident Evil 7
Creepy as hell. Frankly, I think it and Resident Evil 4 are the best in the series. My friend has beaten it 3 times already. Just motivates me to push on, though it's maddeningly difficult.
Guess no one reads this crap anymore.
It's just as well. Been busy going to the hospital or talking to Cody. Got Resident Evil 7 today. Graphics are great, eerie atmosphere. Haven't played enough to really review it. Seeing Passenger in March, and Gabriel Inglasias, as well. So stoked!!! Found the funniest shirt today...it's a parody of NSync and the characters from FF 15. A lot of comments about the characters elude to them being gay. Stupidity. They look fine to me. Their outfits don't look as odd as in FF X. Refreshing battle system, compared to others in the series. Though one character in FF 15 looks like a hipster to me. But I digress. Time for my ambien and valium.
Life is kicking me in the ass again.
Spent last night in the ER, due to my feeding tube site hurting really bad. Turns out I have yet another infection, and can't even use it now...needs to be replaced ASAP. They didn't want to pull it out themselves, because the hole would start closing up and require more surgery. I also have to get blood work done tomorrow, the two infections are still in my chest, and my infectious disease doctor wants to try another medication. Then on Wednesday I have to get another transfusion. Ouch, ouch, ouch. My sister's cat had to be put down on Friday. Incredibly difficult for her..she was hysterical when she called to tell mom. He was a very affectionate and sweet kitty. :( But she's already looking for another, and found one that is absolutely gorgeous...if it works out, I hope he's a comfort for her. Initially I thought she'd need to wait and let herself grieve..but I suppose not. Two family friends were both diagnosed with cancer...his is terminal. We're also discussing moving out of this house, that we've lived in for 24 years. A one story, because mAintaining a two story has become too stressful. Have to get the house sellable, and that'll take awhile. My dad is being sued, due to a car accident roughly a year ago. Trial is in March. So, a lot of shit to deal with.
When it rains, it pours.
Had to go to the ER again last night. Got home and found out my sister's cat went into kidney failure. Luckily, he's improving. Then her boyfriend's grandfather had a bad stroke, and his sister's boyfriend stepfather died of a heart attack. :/
I might actually have something to do for Halloween. If so, I'll be dressed up as Raven (DC character)
Not that it matters
But I rarely check tumblr these days. I'm usually spending way too much time playing video games. Got a ps4 and I love it. The PlayStation network is being a bitch tonight, though. Playing Batman: Arkham Knight at the moment. Wish they'd get Arkham Asylum on ps4, and the other one...can't think straight right now. Arkham City? Too lazy to Google.
Almost at the weight I was before I got so sick. But now I'm dealing with pain around where they placed the feeding tube. From 106 to 117. My goal is 130. As much as this damn thing hurts, I hope it stays in so I can maintain the weight. I can't function otherwise. I'm being a bad girl and skipping finishing the usual amount the pump provides tonight. My gut is so distended I look pregnant. So I'm relaxing to Avenged Sevenfold as my sedatives kick in. Yeah...metal is real relaxing. XD More like it suits my crappy mood tonight. On a positive note, I'm planning on seeing Carbon Leaf in December, and Passenger. I'm totally psyched about both, but Passenger, especially. He's playing at the 9:30 Club in March, and mom said we could make a two-three day trip of it. Go to the Smithsonian or something. I've wanted to see Passenger for awhile now. It's something to look forward to.