thinking about how much crowley and aziraphale have been getting slammed for their poor communication and on the one hand... absolutely, i agree 100%. they have so much work to do in that department, they are always missing each other when it comes to seeing what they each want from the other and expressing it clearly. but on the other hand... like... encompassing six thousand years into a conversation? six thousand years of knowing each other. six thousand years of gravitating toward one another

like... the bit that really gets me, in crowley's confession, is - "...and we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't. i mean, the last few years, not really" - this implication that like... at least on crowley's part... since they saved the world together he's allowed himself to be more open in how he feels about aziraphale. that in his mind he's already long since chosen Their Side, they've chosen their side in their behavior towards each other, and they've talked about... our car, our shop, but even before that...

we see in the minisodes, the way they already act. they're a pair that shows rather than tells all the time and it's so abundantly clear that everyone around them can see it, is constantly asking about it, assuming it, reading it on them like they're an open book - with everyone but each other.

but like how do you put into clumsy human words how much love you feel for someone who stood next to you while you created the stars? who helped you create them? how do you say openly how you feel to the one person who understands you and your nature better than anyone else, who indulges your every whim because they want to see you happy while everyone else says you were built wrong, you're too indulgent, you're too soft but you're perfect for him, specifically, because you stood at the beginning of the universe together?

like how are they supposed to talk about that? especially when it's so forbidden to talk about that?

there are so few words that truly feel like they properly encompass what love truly and genuinely means? what loving someone TRULY means? how it's giving up your onliness and entrusting yourself into the hands of another, now you're not just you, now you're you but the world is brighter and sharper and more beautiful because of another? how we're all stuck on a spinning rock in the middle of space in the middle of the universe in the middle of the galaxy in the middle of eternity just little grains of sand and then there's another little grain of sand in the scheme of things, but it's the most important one ever created because of how happy it makes you?

but multiply that by six thousand years

so like of course you fucking cry and you stare at each other with tears in your eyes like you're absolutely ESSENTIAL to one another. but like how do you make it work in words when you don't know if there are even words for the prospect of existing without one another? and you have this absolutely incandescent and fragile thing between you that everyone understands to exist, you understand it to exist too, and sometimes it is scary as fuck to admit that you need someone. it is terrifying and uncomfortable and vulnerable and we're just people who live maybe 100 years on this earth? a blink of an eye compared to six thousand years of shared existence?

like...? truthfully i don't think i could talk about it easily either because oh my god that's fucking terrifying. that six thousand years of your comfortable and beloved shared existence could go up in smoke with one misplaced word. like no fucking WONDER he can't get the words out. and no fucking wonder, it's easier to couch things in terms like group and team and everything when you're on the verge of falling apart into a million pieces because the other half of your soul wants to leave you behind. it's easier to say come with me, work with me, be my second in command, than to admit he's first in your heart and mind every second of every day since you saw him bringing light at the beginning of the universe???

just... you know? they need a fucking break. they need a vacation. they need a cottage in the south fucking downs

Why I think Spider noir is on the younger side(18-20) in the new spiderverse movie per my previous post:

Let’s break it down by Context, Timeline, Mood, and ATSV

i recently had SUCH a powerful realization about chip jrwi and i have not had a single coherent thought about it but i will attempt to explain this to you now.

so basically he like. he reflects the people around him. he interacts with the world around him by copying the people he respects and/or admires. every person that’s had an impact on his life can be seen in some way on his person. and this definitely all is a result of his sense of identity, by which i mean he just doesn’t know who he is, so he becomes the people around him.

the most glaring example of this is arlin. when he joins the black rose pirates it doesn’t take him long to turn himself into a little mini-arlin, complete with the striped pants and mischievous personality (and prank-pulling tendencies). this continues once he’s older. he gets the same tattoos as his father figure and continues to try to become him, in a way. but it kind of reaches an extreme as his playfulness and jokes start to backfire.

but it isn’t just arlin that he’s mimicked. reuben price is another example — though it shows more subtly. it only really comes through in his solo session in allport that we see the cold and cunning facade of captain price reflected on chip’s face.

then when gillion disappears, we see it again. chip takes up gillion’s sword, spells, and hell, even his motivations and demeanor. he actively tries to replicate how he remembers gillion acting — the kinds of choices he would make — and almost seems to lose himself a little bit in doing so.

and i feel like it’s a safe assumption to make that they aren’t the only people he’s tried to mold himself into. everyone chip has looked up to, everyone who’s had a significant impact on his life, he tries (and oftentimes fails) to embody. i also feel like bringing up his magic bandana. you know, the one that lets him copy the appearances of other people. he doesn’t use it often, but it’s almost like a physical manifestation of this cycle he keeps on repeating.

but now, he’s starting finally try to be his own person. well, “trying” might be the wrong word. it’s happening though, whether he means it to or not. he’s being more honest, more sincere, his wave tattoos that were never really his have been replaced with flames, he’s using his own magic, for once he isn’t taking up the mantle of somebody else. he’s just becoming… well… chip.

i was figuring this out as i was writing it btw. when i started i had a vague idea of a pattern i had noticed. turns out i might actually know what i’m talking about? wild