evil columbo be like
“ ‘Scuse me, pardon – Hi, there. Name’s Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD. I’m up here from homicide. Responding to a report about a body found in Med Bay. I tell ya, this is one troubling case, but not to worry, we’ll get it figured out. You were the one who called the Emergency Meeting just now, is that right? Where did you say you found the body? Oh, right, Med Bay, yeah, I just remembered. And you were alone? Hmm… Oh, nothing, sir. Just wanted to get all the details. See, these small things, I’ve gotta get them resolved. Now, ah … between you and me… have you seen anyone in this wing actin’ a bit … a bit sus?”
“Now, that’s funny to me, sir. What you just said. About you havin’ seen Mr. Red vent over there when the ship was low on power. The lights were off, that’s what you said, wasn’t it? But, ehh… well, if I may ask, — sir— how exactly would you have seen that if the lights were off? Just doesn’t add up.”
“I’ll tell ya somethin’ – there are so many clues here, I just don’t know where to start!”
this is the best addition to this post
“I’ll tell ya somethin’ -- there are so many clues here, I just don’t know where to start!”
“Now, let me just see if I can get this story of yours right, Elanor. You said you were on your way to school, right? And that’s when you noticed it? The juice in the caboose? Huh, ain’t that a kick in the head...”
Thank you for your service Columbo
well i do what I can....
“ ‘Scuse me, pardon -- Hi, there. Name’s Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD. I’m up here from homicide. Responding to a report about a body found in Med Bay. I tell ya, this is one troubling case, but not to worry, we’ll get it figured out. You were the one who called the Emergency Meeting just now, is that right? Where did you say you found the body? Oh, right, Med Bay, yeah, I just remembered. And you were alone? Hmm... Oh, nothing, sir. Just wanted to get all the details. See, these small things, I’ve gotta get them resolved. Now, ah ... between you and me... have you seen anyone in this wing actin’ a bit ... a bit sus?”
“One more thing, sir. You told me you couldn’t possibly have been at the crime scene at that time on account of your alibi, that being that you were at home playing your PlayStation 3. Now, forgive me, but if that’s true, I just gotta ask– how could you have been playing your PS3 if the PS3 has no games?”
“Why, Lieutenant, the PS3 is backwards compatible with many PS2 games. I was simply playing one of my many PS2 games at the time of the murder. Surely you are at least familiar with Kingdom Hearts? I’d be happy to show you my save file if it would put your mind at ease.”
“Ah, gee. Kingdom Hearts… Yeah, that one’s a classic. one of the best ones, even. My wife loves that little Sora guy. No, I agree. You’re right, sir. I should’a thought of that. Well, I’ll get outta your hair, then. — Oh, one more thing…
I just remembered something you might find a little interesting. See, you’ve got one of those black models. With the top-loading tray. And those PS3 models are backwards compatible. … but only for PS1 games. Kingdom Hearts wasn’t on the PS1, though, was it? …”
“Oh… yes, how very… observant of you, Lieutenant. Well, I… suppose I must have been mistaken. My memory of that dreadful night - it’s all jumbled, you see. It must have been one of my other games from my PS1 library. Spyro, perhaps. Or– yes, now I remember. It was Final Fantasy 7 - the character of Cloud is in both that game and in Kingdom Hearts. I must have simply gotten my wires crossed. How silly of me.”
“All right, then. That explains it. Well, have a good night, then. … Oh, uh… I figure I oughta let you know … we did have your memory card searched. We didn’t see Final Fantasy VII on there. Must’ve been a glitch or something. Might wanna get that checked.”
“Now, see here, Columbo, perhaps if you were spending more time looking for actual clues, rather than harping on my gaming habits, you might have caught the real killer by now!
If you have anything more to say to me, you can kindly say it to my lawyer.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Twitch stream scheduled for noon, and I do not care to keep my followers waiting. Good day, sir.”
“Certainly, sir, I’ll be outta your way now. Oh, – gee. Gosh, I nearly forgot. I figured I’d mention. We did get one lead. On the murder, sir.
We determined from Mr. Elbertson’s autopsy that he was repeatedly beaten in the back of the head with a small, blunt object. No bigger than about 157 mm longways. Likely a, uh … analog gamepad of some kind. Dualshock, that’s what the lab boys told me. You got any idea what sorta console uses those? I only ask ‘cause you seem to know about these sorta things. What with you being– well, being a gamer.”
“I suspected you about fifteen minutes after we met. You left enough clues to bomb a dodongo. Mr. Gwonam, if you’ll read Mr. Onklet his rights?”