my favorite work memory from this store will always be “hey remember when the subway inside the store closed down and they let me take a bunch of their shit for free and now it lives inside my house?”
my life is a joke
If you or a loved one can hear this image, you may be entitled to financial compensation
Hannibal just standing around crime scenes he created, in designer suits talking in riddles with that exotic accent, parts of the victim at home in his fridge. I mean what a life.
sitting on this one for a little while but... bibically accurate body horror fractal sunflower
ngl if a bi girl is talking about a hot guy and shes like “im so gay” you dont get to be like “but-” no buts. shes feeling queer about it.
HELL YEAH
being a girl and hitting puberty is so traumatic. you go from being a genderless little free thing to being hit with shaving and makeup and growing breasts and skincare and menstruation and suddenly being sexualised when like a few years ago you could take your shirt off to play in the stream and trade yugioh cards with the boys and come home covered in mud and not even think about it. and then you spend years hating being a girl and hating everything puberty did to you and wishing you could be a boy or be completely genderless again and it takes you Many years to come to terms with yourself Or you simply try to Lean In to everything and do makeup tutorials on YouTube and claim it’s for fun. like how can this be treated as normal
trans people AND cis women 🤝 struggling to exist in a marked body which the world wants to shape, control and project meaning on to against your will
Lying to children is fun when they know you are being ridiculous. When you hold up a carrot like “guys look at this huge Cheeto” and they all scream “NOOOOOOOOO that’s a CARE-OTT!”
“What? No, it’s my giant Cheeto.”
“NOOOOOOO!”
When I was a camp counselor a fellow counselor claimed that any silly camp song we sang was “his next hit single” and we should all follow him on SoundCloud and he stuck by this daily and it never ceased to amuse both the adults and the children.
When children are small and learning to count and you say the numbers out of order? Peak comedy.
“How many toys are there? Let’s see… oneeee, twooo, six!”
“NO! One two three!”
“What? Are you sure? Let me try again. One, two… six?”
“Noooooo!”
Once reduced a toddler into a fit of giggles by singing “A B C D E F Q.”
Tags from @windyvalleyzone
on Halloween at the store i work at there was a little boy in a Batman costume, and as I was helping his mom I kept addressing him as Mr. Superman and Mr. Aquaman & he kept correcting me, “noooo, BATMAN” until they were leaving and he very seriously told me, “actully, I’m Ryan”
I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea
FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES!
and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section.
aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.
This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious.
that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for
oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!
one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.
instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess.
they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism
so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock!
wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds?
I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also…
THE WRENCH!
now that is a fucking slogan
one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES.
sex toy or vulcan starship?
OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN!
this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.
In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing
Couldn’t resist the urge to calligraph this.
nice! I knew it felt like a poem. now it looks like one too!
Anonymous asked:
don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.
- i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.
- i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.
- spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.
sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.
i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?
do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.
It may be weird to encounter because it's not the trans narrative that the media sells to us as 'the only valid way to be trans', but the 'I always knew I was x' is not all-encompassing.
Anon there are more people than you think who were girls who grew up into men, or boys who grew up into women, or girls or boys who grew up to be nonbinary. There is a rather obscure theory that girl and boy are distinct genders from man and woman and while the most common trajectory is that boys grow into men and girls grow into women it's not the rule.
Let people define themselves.
also if you think genderfluid people are real and you're not just humoring us, you by definition have to allow that gender can change over time. I was a girl once. I am not a girl now.
Chiming in with solidarity to OP.
I feel very protective of my former identity BECAUSE there's so little room in the Mainstream Trans Narrative ™️ for allowing gender to change.
I was a girl. Now I'm genderqueer. Maybe later I will find different words for myself.
There has to be room for all of us in the trans community or there's no point to any of this.
Ive been here long enough to see words like ftm/mtf, afab/amab, transmale/female, trans man/woman all go through the cycle of ppl telling you to “Dont use X word its out dated. Now use this Y word”. Only for a year or two pass and suddenly “Y word is outdated. Now use Z word” like yall this is exhausting. Just because a word is old doesn’t automatically make it a slur or offensive.
i saw some comments on tiktok where people were talking bout how they found tumblr too hard to use and part of it being that there was no lack of dates so “what if you reblog or like something from five years ago?!”
buddy… we have posts circulating still from 2011, its literally just how it is
Being on tumblr for years like:
this post is 2 years old and it’s only going to get funnier as it gets older
I really dont think anything will literally, and I mean literally ever, replicate the effect Dragonball Z had on the black and the Hispanic communities
never forget
Sharing space is nothing new. Sharing bathrooms is nothing new. The reactionary outrage is so manufactured.
The parking lot? As in the gender neutral parking lot? As in a place where you have no privacy?
These are the bathrooms at the airport in question:
As you can see, complete privacy for all waste-expulsion activities. You only encounter other people around the sink.
This just proves a point that I’ve repeatedly noticed and it’s that every time a bathroom goes gender neutral it gets about a hundred percent safer.
I distinctly remember coming back from college to find that they’d converted the two of the bathrooms into all-gender restrooms. Among the changes were doors that went all the way up and down, a locking mechanism within the door, and actual door handles. Even the single-occupancy bathroom got a wall for extra privacy.
In contrast, I remember the women’s bathrooms in my old school. They were broken as shit. Some doors needed to be held by a friend, some doors you held with your foot from inside. The wheelchair-accessible bathroom straight up did not have a door at all. And yet we all pretended this was okay because hey, the womanly honor code. You think that shit would have flown if there were two gender-neutral restrooms?
All I’m saying is that if I were fleeing a predator or wanted to be absolutely sure I was private, which one would be the better option? The one that assumes that a “no penises allowed” sign will be enough? Or the one that actually, physically protects me?
do you think they ever explored eachothers bodies
yea but watch out