being a manager sucks balls half the time but the cashier kids im in charge of trust me enough to dick around in front of me so ive been keeping a running list of the shit they say that makes me laugh randomly: -"guys, is it cheating if you play fortnite with your ex" [4 seperate others, immediately]: "YES" -"there must be like… infinite sentences" -"bro what bro what the fuck bro what's that mean bro why'd you say that bro what" <distraught response to a girl randomly greeting him with 'hey there big boy' in an old timey transatlantic news reporter accent
[a ticket reads that a customer wants their burger cut in half]
-"What the hell why are they so picky??? That's like for kids. That's like something my DAD would-- wait i don't have a dad-- that's like something my MOM would do"
-"BRO WHY ARE YOU CUSSING ME OUT IN SPANISH???" for some reason shouted so loudly that customers still in line all start laughing
-i open the restaurant and notice the kitchen is still kind of dirty and try to glean who closed last night, and i overhear two of the boys talking about yesterdaay
me: "so, you helped in the kitchen last night?"
IMMEDIATELY: "IT WASNT ME I JUST DID THE FRYERS LAST NIGHT"
me: "I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING YET"
i accidentally tripped over a gas line while trying to clean behind the stove and made a loud fear noise and the kid helping me clean the kitchen goes "dude your screams scare me. They remind me of when i accidentally step on my dog's tail"
the Real Adult in charge went to go give someone a break in another store and I'm chilling in ours for a bit and 5 mins one of the girls rushes up to me like "DID YOU KNOW WE HAVE AN ATTIC?"
I did. I have never seen the attic so I go check it out and there's already like three of them up there
me: the fuck are you guys doing???
clerk: they wanna do the grimace challenge up there
one of them has never heard of vampires
update about this one because another coworker wouldnt let it go: he insists he's Heard of them but thought they were, quote, "like, really big bats"
Clerk 1: dude don't mix that isn't it like toxic? What are the chemicals you're not supposed to mix--
me: WHAT'S IN THE SINK.
Clerk 2: We're trying to clean the sink
me: Which cleaners did you MIX
Clerk 3: All of it
me: DRAIN IT.
[one brief emergency explanation about never mixing cleaners and what mustard gas is]
Clerk 1: oh yeah didn't they use that during like world war two
Me: yeah man it's like, a war crime now. It's just such a horrible way to die that we can't use it anymore
Clerk 2: wait fr???
Clerk 3: ohh. What about opium?
Me: ...what?
Clerk 3: like the opium war.
Me:
[one brief emergency explanation about what the opium war was later]
Explained to the two boys helping me in the kitchen why we submerge our lettuce at night to help it keep. They proceed to have a conversation where one is absolutely messing with the other by trying to convince him that both lettuce and reptiles are living things that need to be soaked to survive, and are therefore related. he speaks with so much conviction and just keeps doubling down and the other one just gets increasingly angrier and I'm just trying not to crack up over the fryers
and then the exasperated kid whirls around at me and goes "IS LETTUCE REPTILES???" and I lose my fucking mind
I run this place with one other person who i Do Not Like and the kids are well aware of our stupid restaurant manager beef and love to gossip
They keep moving shit to inconvenient locations and I hate it and keep having to move shit back, then once on my day off they decided to call in help and move my Entire Fucking Kitchen around and I was real fucking pressed about it for like the rest of the week (put off opening the next morning to move all the big ass machines and fryers back my damned self to establish territory or whatever)
A week later one of the really sweet girls who helps me in the kitchen goes "hey I have a confession. me and (other kid) were there while they were moving your kitchen and we knew you'd hate it. I was going to say something"
"Oh no worries, it's not really your responsibility to go between us like that"
"no no, I was going to tell her to at least ask you about it first but then I was like 'hmmm....let's see how this plays out'. for the drama."
"...ok I guess I should probably be mad but that's actually really fucking funny"
today i turned around and saw this
"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, here with another taste test. I'm here in 1976, and I'm gonna get some fries from Mickey D's before they changed the recipe, and then I'm gonna take 'em back to 2022, and get fries from the same McDonald's, so I can compare. Now, I've got my Nixon, uh, Ford? Carter? Era fries right here, so now I'm gonna"
*everything appears stretched and distant, and then the camera flies through space, through the sun, over millions of different Earths, past the faces of individual people in a thousand different timelines, splintered day by day, the long-dead alive once more, their varied futures lying before them. They appear to be screaming*
"annnnnd here we are, gettin' the new fries, today. I have to say, I like the old fries a bit better, bit more crisp, but Mickey D's fries are still Mickey D's fries, y'know? Anyway, I know some of you guys were freaked out at all the screaming time faces last video, but like, I'm used to 'em, and they aren't even audible to me? But y'know what is audible? That's right - Audible, use code -"
"Hi y'all, it’s Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, here to respond to some allegations."
"Lots of you are saying, Chronomaster42, why don't you stop World War II? And I keep saying that I can't change history. History's got, like, antibodies, and these haters eject me back to my time if I do anything that'll change anything. Like the space time con...tainium doesn't want me traveling around time."
"And before you start bringing up that guy who erased...France? The fuck is France? From ever existing, that wasn't me, you guys. Get your facts straight. That was @true_chronomaster, the only TikToker with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space. i have nothing to do with the Evil Leaper Challenge. I don't have a shadow self. But y'know what I do have? Some words from our sponsor, Raid: Shadow Legends -"
"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and today I'm gonna be doing the challenge Gamer_Springtrap2011 gave me, where I'm travelin' back in time to finally figure out which religion is true, and then I'm gonna make a tier list so we can put all this drama about which religion's the right one behind us and just settle on one of 'em that's the best. Like, finally, you know?"
"But before we go back in time to see if Adam and Eve was real, we've gotta check in with our sponsor, Adam and Eve, discreet packaging and shipping -"
"Hi y'all, it's Chronomaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, still sorry to every world religion, though like, you should really be mad at Gamer_Springtrap2011 for trolling me so hard. I got trolled guys. I'm sorry for my video 'CHALLENGE: I get this guy sitting under a tree in India to break his concentration'. I'm sorry for my video 'WHOA: I told a Roman cop where a guy was and got THIRTY SILVER COINS?!?!?' and shout out to Judas for catching my strays. Like, guys, I'm sorry. You should be mad at Gamer_Springtrap2011 though."
"Anyways, I've got this cool new money-making opportunity in the past. So like, what if we take things from the past, and sell them now? I found this guy with all this metal in his house, and it turns out nowadays they'll pay a lot for it 'cause normally you can only get copper from people stealing wire to pay for meth, but this is really good, honest copper. But like, I've gotta preserve history and shit, so I've been taking his copper and replacin' it with painted rocks. I think people are realizing 'cause every time I go to his house the copper guy's real mad and carrying stone tablets, it's funny. That Earnie Sir guy may be selling bad metal, but if you want real metal to hang on your walls, check out our sponsor Displate -"
"Hi y'all, it's TimeController73, the one EbaumsTuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and I uh, think I might have messed up the continuum a bit. I'm gonna take some time to fix it, but you know who will have the movie you want to stream right now? Today's sponsor, Blockbuster+..."
"Hello y'all, it's ChronoMaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and we've gotta talk about something important. Earlier this month I asked to ride that submersible down to the Titanic. They said no 'cause I didn't have enough money. So, like, I thought, man, you can control time and space! Go back to the real thing."
"But thing is, I got back there, right, and I was hopin' I could push Leo back on that raft 'cause the two of them could totally fit, CinemaSins had the real shit on that, but get this: he wasn't even there? Like, the two of them aren't even real? I looked all over the Titanic for 'em and I ended up falling from the ship when it broke in half so I made a portal under me, and it's kind of scary that I could have died on the Titanic and not been able to make content anymore. If I died in 1912 and didn't have new videos the algorithm would deprioritize me, y'know? It's so scary to think about. And like, I know I said the screaming faces of everyone's potential futures didn't get to me but man, they kinda get to you when there's also a lot of people screaming in the water."
"When I got back to 2023 I had two boxes on my doorstep. One was unmarked and just had a note in it saying 'THEY ARE COMING. THE RECKONING IS NEAR. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE, AND THE ANTIBODIES GROW. YES, THEY DO GROW, AND THEY HUNGER.' And I'm kinda hungry too, 'cause I didn't eat on the Titanic, so it's good that the other was my first meal kit from today's sponsor, Hello Fresh..."
“Hi, y’all, it’s ChronoMaster42, the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space, and I’ve got some exciting news. I’m gonna be collabing with Mr. Beast on a new challenge video where we, like, go back in time and try to survive for seven days. It’s gonna be cool as hell. We wanted to go back to Imperial China, but Mr. Beast said he was afraid we might not be respectful enough to the Emperor and thus would commit 大不敬, one of the Ten Abominations, and due to our non-noble status, we wouldn’t be able to rely on the “八議” or ‘Eight Deliberations’. Which, like, fair ‘nough. So we settled on our backup plan, which is a lot safer: France in 1916! Man, I can’t wait to see the Eiffel Tower before it got all old stuff and like, we’re gonna see it! Stay tuned, guys!”
*deep breath*
“Hello, you all. It’s ChronoMaster42, and normally I’m the only Youtuber with the ability to travel through, and control, time and space. But today...I’m the only Youtuber who’s sorry they got Mr. Beast exploded.”
“I am. I know everyone’s canceling me, they’re canceling everyone just cause – it was his idea to go back to the Western Front anyway, and…”
*sigh*
“I’m sorry. I understand how upset you all are at the exploding of Mr. Beast. I want to apologize to the internet and to the whole Chrono crew, ‘cause I know I, uh, *stares into the camera* have changed a lot as a human being, and I’m disappointed in myself more than I’m disappointed in...myself, for going too far? Man, I don’t know what I can do to make it right.”
“I’ve been reflecting. I mean. Reflecting and I’m sorry and like, I understand. I’ll never explode Mr. Beast again. Though...he’s kinda already exploded...and I…don’t think I can re-explode him...”
“*deep breath*”
“I’m sorry for my actions, and I want to move on from this and make videos in the future, with my sponsor...with my sponsor...with my...*furious clicking*...I...don’t have a sponsor. I’ve...I’ve been demonetized! No! No, no, no...let me appeal. Let me appeal…”
“*click*”
A cloud appears behind ChronoMaster42, a swirling vortex through which one can see flashes of times from across all of history, across many timelines; it advances on him.
“What – uh, antibodies, you’re not, like, supposed to be in the present! ‘cause it’s not fixed and shit, and -!”
The cloud envelops ChronoMaster42, who screams, a trail of faces screaming into infinity within the cloud as he, and the antibody, vanish. Stream runs for over four hours with a shot of his empty room, until it’s turned off by a sudden power failure.
Hey guys, it’s ChronoMaster42, the only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only ȏ̸̱n̴̬̽l̷̐ͅy̴̹̅ ̶̭̉ò̷̦n̶̡̐l̴̫̓y̶̟͝ ̴̞̿o̵̪͠n̸̡̉l̵̺̍y̸̜̌ ̸̲̅ò̵̥n̷̩͗l̵͈͂ÿ̴̰́ ̷̟̐ȏ̷̭n̴͖̆l̶̪͠ỳ̴̘ ̵̳͗ơ̸̟n̶̗̽ļ̵̿ÿ̶̫́ ̷̱͒o̴͇̊n̵̕ͅl̸̂͜y̵̱̾ ̵͎̈́ǒ̸̼n̷̺͐l̸̯̉ŷ̶̹ ̸͙͐ȯ̶̻n̷̺͗l̴̝̀y̵͇̋ ̵̫͆o̴̞͘n̵͙̓l̴͎͌y̴͓͐ ̸͓̏o̵͙͝n̷̥͘l̵͈̓y̸͈͘ ̴̬̒o̶̧͔̻̥͖͔͙͂̂͛̅́̒̎̓̓̿̇͊͛̀̉͂͂͑̚̚͝͝͝͠͝n̴̨̡̛̺̥̯̥͇̟̩̜̱̖̰͔͍͖̥̲͈̯̙̠̰̬̠̝̟̘̭̱̫͈̩͌͆͒͐̎͋̍͌̋͐̆̒̆͛͐͆̾̽̏̓̑̄͘͜͠ͅl̸̢̘̬̪̳͎̼̣̪͎̘̞̰͍̖͎̙̜̳̬̺̬͙͔͕͌̀̔̍̓̀̈̊̊̐̌̒̾̎̈́͋̑̅͆̀͘͠͠͝͝ͅy̴̛̛̠̺͔͖̔̅͗̾̉̋̒̐͊́̈́́̀̇͊̎̃̀̓̾̕͠͝ͅ ̶̢̨͓͖̱̩̣̳̯̘̗̳͙̗͙̱̳̦̩͇̤̭͙̉̆͌̐́͑̑̓̑̋͗͆̑̉͌̔̒͌̒͗́̈̍̌̋͂͊͛̆̿͛̄̋̒̊̂̌̒̿̅͌̆͋̚͠͝͠͠ͅͅǫ̷͔͇̜̥̫͇̥̳̠͕͖̟̖̫̗̼̝̠͙̣̲̜̰̉͛͛̑͂̋̎̅̓́̈́̚͜n̶̨͕̖̟̭̯͓̫̙̪͙̺̯̰͎̽̍̈́͝l̵̢̬̦͚̟̥̟̼̯̰͇͈͉͍̲̫͎̠̖͔͇̲̺͉̼̰̦̀̐̄̒͋̓́̕͜͝y̸̢̧̡̢̡̢̡̢̛̛̲͚̫͕̰̭͙̗̻͎͓̥̲̭̱̜̻̟̣̮͓̺̘̫̦͚̗͚̥̥̲͖̿̾͒̏̿͑̓̈̀͑̾͊͂̋̋̑͂̌͆̑̐̈́́̽̅̈́̂̍̇͌͆́̕̚̚͜͠͝͠ ̷̨̧̧͓̜̻̤̰̰͇̠͖̙̫̥̜͇̼̥̭͖͕̹̹̠͖̖̣̹̺̪̼̦͛̔̿̂̈́̈͊̿̓̒̃͆̿̿͒́̈́͒̽͐̑̊́̋̚̚̕͘͜͠͝ͅͅͅỡ̶̧̨̡̢̢̧̧͔̩̹̥̼̟̥̞̲̜̱̼̺̳̻̥͇̲̻̙̟̗̞͈̘̤̮̫̻͓̀̈́̂̾̍̔͒͂͗̆̃͑͑̎͋̉̔̾̉̑̇͌̊͗͊̑̑̍̉̄͋̚͜͠͝͝͝ņ̴̢̧̡̡̪̥͕͕̱̜͖̖̞̰̥͕̞̪̜̯̖̖̳̥͔͖̗̹͕̯̈́̾͋͌͊́͑̒͌̃̏͑͊͐͗͛́̿̾̀͐̔͌̔̑̌̃̌̄̋̕͘͜͝ḽ̶̨̡̦̣̺̯̼̭̻̮̼̪̝͙̣͉͚̥̼̙̙̯̜͈͕̙͇͖̭͇̌̆̀͒͗̍̊̎̅̏̈́͑́̆͐̓́̀̎͑̐̇̆̎͊͑̉̈́́̒̅̾͋̈́̋̅̚͠͝ͅy̶̧̡̡̛̠̘̻͈͇̰̮̤̯̰̤̲̜͖͖̯̫̲̟̤͖̪̫̲̲̳̞̹̫̯̬̯̝̱̜̩͈͙͖͋̀͒̈́̂̐̀̃̉̏̇͑̔̃͛͗̈͗͗̅̃͋̌͗͐͌̽̕̚͝ͅͅͅ ̶̡̢̢̤͈̟̬͙̲̯̣̥̬͓͈̠͉͚̤̘̔̓̓͊͛̄͊͐̓͛͐̅͌̑̑͗̍͋̏̈̽͛̒̍͌͛̓̅͗̈̀̕̕͘̕͜͠ò̴̧̢̪̑̎́̏͆̋̃̆̍͊͊̇̉̂̀͂̽̀̎̋̃̇̏́̐̉͌͛͂͆̍̆̐̊̃̀̕ͅn̵̡̨̢̡̨̧̪̜̺͍̥̫͎͖̳̜̭̜̺̪͇̮̬̙̯̟͔̻̫̤̩̖̝̩͕̩̤̯͙̫̘͔̬̘͊̔̓̎̈́̑̈͐̂̋̋̑͜ͅļ̵̡̡̨̢̧̻̣̝̤̮͚͖͕̲̫̝̖̻̞̞̩̪̗͎̯̖̙̣̻͚͈̬͈̝̼̙͖̩͖̻͛͗͊̇̀͊̓́̂͒̇́̎̑̽̓̂̏̃̑͒̂̈́̚͜͝͠͝ͅy̸̡̡̡̩̠̫͓̘̞͈͖̫̰̤̼͎̼̙̳̒̎̂̈́̊͋̂͋̔̇ ̵̡̛̼̟͉͓̭͚͈̝̩͇͖̜̾͊̑̆́̈́́̌́̅̏͒̌̏̋̍̽̌̑͌͗̍̾͆̓́̓̂̐̿̍̾͒͋͂̇̽̎̅̏͘̕͝͠͠͠ǫ̶̡̡̛̼̙̙̭̗̣̳͕̘̪̣̩̣̲̳̳̦͍͈̬͍͇̻͍̤͚͇̥͍͎̫̥̺̱͕͙̲̲̠̘͍̞͌͋́̍͗̉̍̽͂̃̇̀̌́̎̎̀̍̈́́̎͑͗̄̏̓͗̄̈͒̅͗̀̉̊̍͋͆̚̕͘͝ͅͅṇ̷̢̛͕̥̝̥̗̖͍̩̝͈̱͙͉͕͇̊͐̏̓̏͊͑͂͐̏̊͗̇̀̽ͅļ̵̧̞͖̲̗͖̫͉̣̟̏̈́̋̍͐̅͂̍̃̾̇̏̐͛̋̌̔̕͘y̴̡̡͖̤̮̠̮̫̟̱̗̖͉̫̱̩̳͔͇̪̟̗̫̣̬͐̂̓̌͂́̒̅̈́̒͐̈́͊͐̌̅̈́̀̓̏̽̀̊͗̈́̓̽́͛͗͗̍͐͝͝͝ͅͅ ̷̢̡̙̦̺̮̟̺̥̱̫͔̎̄͊̒̇͛̅̉̑̂̒̏͘͝ͅỏ̴̢̜̌̽̃̓͗̆̚ñ̶̨̢̼̹̥͙̳͔̯͈͔̲̩̭̮̫̜̟̣̰͖̜͎̻̣̹̩͈̳̺̾̌̓̏̏̅̃͠ḷ̸̢̡̛̜̺͈̲̙̝̣͈̙̭͎̜͖̝̩͚̹̖̪̙͉͔̱̺̉̏͛̾͊̀͊̒̐̋͑̈́̿͂͒́͂̃̅̀͑͐̋͊̿͑̄͋̈́͜͝͠ͅy̶̜̭̲̺̣̣͖͍̺͖̩͍̹̬͈͎̹̬͚͇̩̻̘͚͉̻͍͍̻̯̱̗̩̹̱̳͎̮͇͔̰̓̉̓̍̄̾̓̍͑͊̽͌̈̾́̑͗̿͑̋͂̄͌̓̿̍̕̚͜͝͠͝ͅ ̷͕̀̎̊͋̎̃́̏͗͗̒́͑̀́̽͆͆̓̾͑͌͂͂̽͛͑̅͊̓͐̃͑̋͗̃̈́̓̚̕̕̚͘̚͘͘ơ̷̧͓̫̣̥̳̻̘̻̝͎̪͔͓̹̺̱̰̺͕̪͈̱̼͍̺̯̼̖͇͚̻̰̥̥̯̱̭̺͔̰͇͎̗̞̗̂̎̇̍̏̓͗̽͑̐̾͛̏͐̇̅̓̌̈́̒̈́̈͊̌̀̈́͒͑̂̈́̀̽̌̂̌̈́͋̄͐́̉͆̇͗͂̕̕̕͜͜͝ń̴̛̰̰̰̜̮̬̙͖͓͎͕̹͉̯͙̦̹̻̳̤̜̻͇͔͛͂̅̎́͘͝ļ̵͖̘̳̹̜̱̰̲̑̌̈́̆̍̓̇ỵ̶̢̧̧̢̺̥̰̲͙̤̖͓̟̗͍͔̘̰̥̜̯̖̼̜̟͔̞̗̝̫͔̟̩̫̫̗͖͙̬͍̆͛͜ͅͅ ̷̠͔͖͎̝̿͊̀̎̓̉́̑̄͆̅ơ̷̡̨̢͕͙̭̗̹̼̼͓̮̗̲̬͕̬̥͙̲͙̼͖͓̟̜̖̯̟̜̜̜̖̖͇̺̟̙̳͖̜̱̗͇̫̗̪̏͆̑͋̊̓̆̃̔̏͂̊̏ͅṉ̷̨̨̧̡̨̨̢̢̛̛̳̳͕͇̻͍̻̗̥̣͖̰̭̟̗̘̖̞̖̬̺̝̼̝̩̹̝͇̳̗̬̠̔̒͌̎̍̏͋̽̿̊̈́́̅̒̚ͅͅļ̷̡̭̯̤̲͖̜̯̟̟̗̼̺̩̳̖̱͍̝̫̣̖̪̤̲̖͈͇͎̳̣͔̱̥̑̋̑̕͜͜͜ͅy̵̨͔͚͇͕͚̫̯͈̞̬͕̠̻͗͐̿͑̽͊́̽͒͛̍̉̉̌͒̈́̿̿̔̏̊̈́̀̾̇́̃̊͑̇̈́͌̅̊̃͋͒̚͘͝͠ ̸̡̡̳̩͈̫̙͕̥̫̖̳̼͔̺̠̳̥̠̬͉̺̰̰̮͍̠̗̪̰͙̮͇͚͒̌̿̌̀͠͝ͅơ̶̢̢͉̰͔̦̯̺͓̣̯̪̼̰̪̩͙̩̱̣̫͓̱̣̟͓͍̓̅̈̑̆͌̾̀̏̏̀̓̐̔͆͗̑̊̇̐͆͗̇̌̈́̑̆̅́̇͆̔̂͛̔̍͌̄͘̕̕͠͝͝͝n̷̢̧̳̿͠ļ̸̢̡̢̡̨̡̧̼͇̳͍̺̺̗̹͚̘̣̞̗̙̻̟̥͈̥͇͎̺͙̠͉͈̻̠̥̼̼̣̩̖͔͈̟̫̺̤̬̃̓͋̐̈́͒͗̎́͜ȳ̸̨̧̨̪͓̭̤̯͎̣͖͔̖̗͎͉̥̼͉͍̲͖͓̪͕̝̟̬̜̤̣͙̪̥̙̖̗̣̟͔͚̔̐̈́̒͜ ̷̧̢̨͔̝̫͎̪͍͈͔̖̹̗͙̼̫͙͙̬͔͈̤͉̙̪̞͖̹̠̣͍̭͉͍̞̰̻͈̼̂̿̐̄̒̀̎̂̍̆͒̂̈́̓͑̉͌̃͐͋́͋͋͂̌͛́́̋̇͒͒̀̊́̏̀̎̆̄͘͜͠͝ͅͅǫ̸͔̭̩̩͉͕̲̝̥̣̬͕̼̤̰̝̓̄͛̊͑̔͆̾̂̓̐͛̈́͋͜͜͝͝ͅn̴̨̢̢̺͉̼̼̠͚͉̠̪͚̱͈͓̪͓͖̻̮͎̞̫̓͂͜ļ̷̢̛̛͕͓̖̞͉̺̜̱͓͕͚͈͈͈̜̩̺̲̞͉̫̣̥̙̻̙̹͕̖͈͚̙͚̠̗̰̹͌͒̉̅̄̂̊̎̉̐̄̏̈́̏̈̏̐̂̃͌̾̿̿̀͗̆̉̌̄̅̔̀̀̓͛̑̀̚̚͘͘͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅͅy̸̨̧̨͖̼̩̳̩̝̦͇͍͙̙̪̠͎̘̪͈͍͈̺̩̲̼̫̲͕̦̘̘͎̦̣͚̘̺̩̩̞̼̤̆̾͗̆́̉̈́̍͒̍͆̀̈́̎́͗̇̈́̑͌̒̂͆́̎̓͗̍͌̕̕̚͠͝͠ ̸̧̛̘͈͎̘͚͙͇͇̙̖̠̙̟͛̆̉̅͗̓̑̍̅̀̈́̉̈̈́̄̒̌̾̆͂͊̒̍̃̀̋̈̄̆͊͐͛͑̌͘̚͝ọ̵̧̧̡̧̥͇͇̯̭̓̊̍̿̀̈́͂̔͋́̔͗̓̊̿͋̌̓͗͋̔͒̂͂̈́̕͠͠͝ṇ̸̨̢̛̥̝̖͚͓͚͎̺͕̦̯̗̹͎͉̝͙̼̲̥̮̳̀̑̉̏̃̅̓͒̉̒͆́̒̇͋͌̃͒́͊̇͌̔͋̒͂̈̅̌̏͂͂̂͑̇͛̃̐̋̏̅̚̚͘͜͝ͅļ̴̧̼̯̖̳̬̙̱̣͕͔̖̖͈̗̻̱͔̞͙̬̲͔̤̱̮͉̺̯͔̳̻͈͙̙̲̰̗̳́͌̀̉̃̉̀̍̂̑̏̈̏̿̌̑͘͘͜͝͝ͅỹ̴̨̨̧̢̡̛̠̱̯̤̤̳̗̹̞͚̹͎͖̠͉̰̙̹̲͚̹̝̦̥͙̣̩̯̤̥̜͖̮̮͍̺̠̬̱̳͎̆͌͌̾̔̌̈́̈̂̓͌̑̿͊̿̀͛̂̈̽̓̆̐̈̏́̄́̇̆͗͒͒̍̉͗͝͠͝͝͝ͅ ̵̨̡̧̛̬̹͙̰̰̺̼̹̮̳͎̟͔̺͎̼͚̠̰̗͈͚̲͍͔̘̻̗͙̥̞̰̻͚͖͈͛͗̎͛̀̿̀̓̑́̄͆̓̉̏͋̌̈́̎̒̈̈́͛͗̐́̽̅̏̏̇̾̅̕͘͠͝o̵̭͚̼͋͐̿̒̅̓̀͑̌͌́̌̽͊́̑̂͗̽̒̍͊͛̔̔̂̓̍͊͋̏̐̐̎̿͘͘̚̚͘̕͘ņ̶̡̮̤̻̪͓̞͓̤̫̣̩̙̲̤̰͔̤̯̇̀́͋̅͊̈̆̃͊̅̈́͌́̎͂͋̀̈̏̿̆̾̀̌̋́́͛͌̓̓́̀̋́̃̑̕͝͠͝͝ͅl̴̛̯̺̝̦͎̥̳̼͍̝͖̭͛̉̓̿͊̉͗̏̾̒͑̔̅͊̓̔̀̃͌̅̾̃̌̐̅̔̀̇̃̌́̀̀͜͝͝͝͠ý̷̨̡̨̢̝̖̙̮̞̠͔̩͔͉̪̻̹̰̟̱̬̦̘̹̤̱̗͙͎̮̠̟̞̬͖̮͜͜ͅͅ ̶̨̧̢̡̝̘̺̯͇̣̺̝̗̯͎̻̲͙͔͉͉͒̅̆͐͒͐͆͊͌̀̈́̓͐̓̉̊̊̔̿̏̓͛̄̄̿̈́͐̐̽̃͑̑̾̃̅̑̆̋̚̕̕̕͜͝
I can't believe my shitposts have fanfic now
NOTE TO SELF-SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!
Slow the fuck down is also the way to avoid scams, social engineering, phishing, etc.
“Oh, no the CEO of my employer is having an emergency and I need to click this link right now!!!”
Slow down…
“Why would the CEO be emailing ME of all people? Maybe this email is a phishing attack that would get my employer hacked and me fired for allowing it.” (It probably is a phishing email.)
In general, “Slow the fuck down” is an extremely powerful information literacy skill.
Genuinely thinking about showing this to my freshmen instead of the CRAAP test
My apartment building has coin-op laundry in the basement, and on the shelf where people store detergent there are also just enough quarters to start one load in the washer. This is the collective "oh shit I forgot my quarters" bank that anyone can borrow from to start laundry without having to climb all the way back up the goddamn stairs first. These quarters have been steadily used and replaced for multiple years now, and every time I see them I think about how upon such small foundations rests all of human society.
If anyone’s wondering what’s going on in the uk right now, a guy just escaped from a high security prison by DRESSING UP AS A KITCHEN CHEF AND CLINGING TO THE BOTTOM OF A FOOD VAN LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A GOD DAMN KIDS FILM AND THEY STILL HAVENT FOUND HIM AFTER OVER 24 HOURS…
The bbc have said “Sources suggest that this was an orchestrated escape rather than an opportunistic one” OF COURSE IT WAS PLANNED GUYS THE MAN HAD A SILLY LITTLE COSTUME AND AN AUSTIN POWERS STYLE GETAWAY
Hey Tumblr I definitely did not forget about you but hey have V dancing (I have different versions/small changes on each socials shhh)
does anyone know where I can find good reference images of victorian-era wheelchairs? I want to draw the jovial contrarian but all the wheelchair art refs/tutorials I can find are for modern wheelchairs
okay so here's a few photo's i have on hand for ref
Image from that one, circa late 1860s.
This one in particular is noteworthy as : "unlike a typical bath chair, the wheels are fitted with an extra ring to allow the chair to be driven by the passenger. " so perhaps keep that in mind for drawing too
So i usually go off of the old picture + combine some facets of modern wheelchair for Fallen London, since i think The Neath could have some of it own technological advancments
Hope these are helpful!
I'm really tired and out of it
Turned out i was dehydrated
College will acquaint you so thoroughly to the reality that your body has needs that, if unmet, will make you feel like Death For A Thousand Years In The Abyss, a fate so disproportionate to the simplicity of drinking An Water or eating A Food or perhaps indulging in A Sleep or Washing Off The Gunk, that you are constantly humbled by the pure silliness of being made of mortal flesh
RELEASE THE RACCOONS
this is a life saving advice
someone do a favour by knocking me out pls👇 (and also unrelated stuff here.Ü
life is artist/ roblox /hj
and it was fun to have someone to draw with on whiteboard fox man.
(the whiteboard fox was created by @anonymisprincess
and here around 5 hour art of my oc.
really man i dont want yall to have nightmares.
so yeah here it is.
i hope it dont scare yall too much as i suddenly a horror artsyle (pretty much it was.)
and a closer look version 👇👇
i felt like im a maniac.
My bf finally broke me and got me into Animorphs. These damn books have taken over my brain and shattered my heart.
⚠NO SPOILERS IN THE TAGS OR REPLIES PLEASE⚠
Had to draw ax and Tobias I couldn’t get them out of my system. My emotional support shorms
ID: [a digital sketch in red of Tobias and ax from animorphs. Tobias is in his hawk form and ax is in his andalite form. Ax seems to be running or walking while Tobias flies alongside him.] /End ID
but what if a vampire drank the blood of someone who was anemic like would they be seriously grossed out
“what the fuck is this”
“i have anemia”
“can you take something for that you should probably take something for that this shit is nasty to drink let alone have running through your body i’m setting up a doctor’s appointment for you”
frostlands
“dude really you don’t have to just leave what the fu—”
“you disgust me here take these iron supplements”
“where did you even get th—”
“shut up and take your pills and dont forget your vitamin D”
jaaaaaaaaaackfrost
“i’m going to check up on you weekly to make sure you’re taking them”
“that’s not necessary”
“maybe we should work on a dietary plan with foods rich in iron and other things for you”
“do you get this involved with all of your meals”
VAMPIREDUDE: did u get the cookbook i orderd 4 u
ME: Oh my god, first of all stop using text speak, you told me you were 278, second how did you know where I LIVED, third yes I got it.
VAMPIREDUDE: heard onions were good 4 blood, eat lots
ME: So you can have a tasty meal? I guess you’d rather I stay away from garlic, huh.
VAMPIREDUDE: UR being v rude I just got u a present!!!
ME: THE COOKBOOK IS CALLED “HOW TO TASTE DELICIOUS,” I AM CALLING THE COPS
The Sun will go down eventually!
I love an overprotective vampire threatening their charge/food source with the line “the sun will go down eventually!”.
Imagine your OTP
lazycatcornernipples
“Your last blood work said your sodium and potassium levels were a bit low…”
“STOP CALLING IT BLOOD WORK EVERYTIME YOU TAKE A NIP AT MY HANDS ON THE COUCH!”
crzyprsn42
food to lovers
This is the vampire love story I have always wanted.
I thought this was an art piece as a metaphor for executive dysfunction
it could be
