Anonymous asked:
I witnessed a man shit on a campus patrol car, he looked me in my eyes and I just turned and went back to the main building, when I was brought in for questioning I had to tell them that I didnt remember his face at all because my mind was blocking out the memory of seeing him shit on a car
blocking it out didn’t seem to work
Anonymous asked:
how do I get my weenie out of a ceiling fan
Can someone help this guy out?
when i say “i can’t talk right now, i’m doing hot girl shit.” what i really mean is “i can’t talk right now, i’m doing my bio hw while listening to classical music and pretending i’m a female scientist in the 1700s learning in secret using books i stole from the academy when they refused to let me in, i’m hiding away in the attic of the opera house (where i work) while the orchestra rehearses beneath me. they’ll never accept me in the world of academia, but i know i’m destined for greatness.”
Anonymous asked:
My roommate is really social and always has people coming by to see her, even when she’s not in the room. I’ve started masturbating fully clothed in case anyone walks in, but now I have a blister on my finger from where it rubs against my jeans
blister boy
Anonymous asked:
I saw a kid feed a group of crows and he now has a group of about 17 crows that follow him around campus
Crow kid