I keep seeing this going around every so often and all the allistics are like “lmao I got 2.5 I’m so picky 🤪” while my ass is out here with 22
Lol 13… And I don’t consider myself picky?? Does it count if a few we’re bc allergies?
15. A few things I've never tried, so I don't know if I could eat them or not. I have been called a picky eater.
I don't think allergies count, since it's not an issue with not liking the food.
being autistic and having to participate in society is like being an actor who cant get off stage and cant stop performing
very rarely do i hear about how exhausting it is to simply be autistic and to have to “behave” yourself. this goes for many other disabilities, developmental, personality, or another sort of mental divergence.
having to pretend to be a different person at all times in order for people to accept you is exhausting. its debilitating.
its humiliating.
because often you dont get to experience life as your genuine self, and youre constantly afraid of rejection.
slipping up can mean losing a job, losing friends, family, etc. you’re always on guard and always playing a role.
it feels like a performance even when no ones around. ive found myself embarrassed by stimming or participating in my special interest, even when im around no one except myself.
the autistic feeling when any animal entering a social situation is a HUGE relief because it’s like ‘wow better greet this cat! oh.. sorry can’t talk! he needs my undivided attention.’
All the links while googling are to help families dealing with an autistic person. There is so little information on how to deal as an autistic person yourself. When I googled about being a suicidal autistic person all I got was stats. When I looked into advise for after a diagnosis it was all about parents dealing with their child’s diagnosis. When I looked for help to cope it was all helplines and support for carers. Nothing makes me feel quite so helpless as to realise l am a problem to be dealt with not a person to help.
Don't subject yourself to suffering because someone else thinks it shouldn't bother you.
best autistic childhood memory: spinning super fast on a sit ‘n’ spin
An autistic friend of mine just said this to me “The harder I work at communication the more people expect from me and the less they are willing to compromise.” and it is the most fucking heartbreaking thing I’ve heard.
I have yet to meet a single autistic who does not feel this way.
Every time I need to have an important conversation with a professor or disability services, I need to decide whether to mask and risk being “not disabled enough,” or do my natural behavior and risk them thinking I’m lying about my needs because I’m not Holding Still™ and Staring at the Eyeballs™. It’s exhausting.
Is it normal for me to go almost completely silent whenever I'm at home? Whenever I'm at school I can be quite talkative and I'm never sure of when it's appropriate for me to speak or not so I'm very loud around friends but once I get home I mostly only talk whenever I've been spoken to and idk if that's normal or not for autistic people
It sounds normal to me, especially if you’re tired when you get home. After a long time of being social with friends, my talkative side is all used up. Once I get home, it’s time to rest. School is particularly exhausting for a lot of autistic people, so it makes sense to not have a lot of social energy after it’s over.
Look, we’re not actually narcissists
When you talk to us about an emotional issue
And we respond with a personal experience or anecdote
We’re not trying to make the conversation about ourselves.
Most times (at least with me), I have to find an experience within myself that is similar to what you’ve described
So I can furnish an appropriate emotional reaction to what you’re experiencing.
It’s sort of like when you ping an IP address to fix a faulty Wi-Fi connection.
It’s not personal, it’s just how I navigate Feelings™.
This is how many people on the Autism spectrum express empathy. We don’t say things like “You must have felt so…” like neurotypical people are used to. To us, that comes across as presuming to know. We look to when we felt something that seems similar, and offer that experience. That lets the other person decide whether we truly know how they feel.
When I do this I am trying to show you that I really do know how you feel, and not just saying something arbitrary to make you feel better. Since I’m not good at showing and expressing emotions or even knowing exactly what it is I am feeling, I barely know what others are feeling. But by relating situation to situation, I’m acknowledging what they are feeling now and that I felt a similar way once, so that any advice I give can sound like I’m feeling the right emotion.
As someone who has, historically, been rarely understood, there’s not much I hate more than people telling me how I feel.
So, I LOATHE to act presumptuous in situations like this. Saying “you must feel so…” feels so disrespectful. Saying stock phrases feels hollow. Trying to diagnose how you feel about a situation, instead of letting you tell me, feels like I’m trying to write your thoughts for you.
The only experience I feel any right to is my own. So I share that. Not to shift the attention to me, but to empathize. Because I don’t know what fucking else to say, that doesn’t sound like every motherfucker who says “uwu I’m sorry” when they mean “shut up I don’t care.”
This doesn’t excuse me from being accountable if I’m rude. But intentions do matter, and its important to know that a lot of people work this way when presented with someone else’s emotions.
It is possible to show genuine care for another by talking about yourself. For some, it seems the most respectful way. Whether that’s ok or not, I don’t claim to know. But we’re not narcissists. We wouldn’t rather be talking about ourselves. We use talking about ourselves as a tool to talk about you.
Recently, youtuber Natalie Wynn brought up a great concept in her breakdown of why Incels believe the things they do– “masochistic epistemology.” She put it simply, “what hurts, is true.”
She said this in the context of how incels basically form parasocial death cults when they are ‘blackpilled.’ They come to believe that because they feel terrible about themselves right now, that feeling is objectively true and forever, and even the reality of how the ‘world really works’ and there’s no hope to change it, only to “LDR”. Which is, ‘lie down and rot’, a form of suicide baiting. What’s happened here is that otherwise genuine feelings of pain or insecurity have been validated maybe too much and have evolved into an entire worldview centered around affirmation of pain. And once pain-as-truth becomes social capital, the way people behave changes to maximize its growth and spread.
But I have to say? I feel like I have encountered versions of the very same behavior in my own spaces, on tumblr, on facebook, etc.:
Which is not to say that all these situations are full of people as baseless as incels– some of them are living very difficult lives, but are using “masochistic epistemology“ as the internal logic of their world. And the effect of such an internal logic is extremely dark self-confirming biases in excess of what is necessary to communicate the dangers of their lives, or cope with hardship. And any similar person who goes off seeking friends who acknowledge their pain is going to find a black hole of people who’d otherwise be peers escalating that very pain in themselves and others in order to confirm it’s all real.
Natalie Wynn herself, a trans woman, struggled with the urge to go to 4chan’s /lgbt/ and wait for the most toxic and hopeless crowds there to rip her appearance apart even though it made very little logical sense. The people there shared the same insecurities as her, that they don’t pass, that people will despise them, and in some way hearing those insecurities confirmed rather than denied to her felt more like ‘the real truth’ or ‘what people really think’ than it did to hear praise and encouragement. Even if what they had to say wasn’t anywhere near an objective truth.
The “pain is real” mindset is that hard to shake! It doesn’t matter if you’re smart, prepared to identify the phenomenon with philosophy education, intellectually aware that it’s bad for you. There is a self-harm impulse to ‘face reality’, but a very specific reality that confirms the bias of your pain or insecurity. The comfort zone of discomfort, in a way! It just wants you to not feel crazy for feeling those things and is willing to hurt you even more to prove you’re right about your environment or your life.
I struggle a lot with this kind of thinking and am thankful to Contrapoints for giving it a name. When I’m in a bad mental state, it feels so much more natural to think negatively. Self-kindness feels wrong and foolish. Paradoxically, self-loathing and hopelessness can feel...emotionally satisfying(?) in a perverse way that I find difficult to make sense of. Anything that counters that mindset seems fake, despite knowing it’s unhealthy.
Resisting the urge to validate and fixate on those thoughts takes a lot of self-control.
hey I’ve always wondered which MBTI types are most common with autistics and I’m super curious, so if you’re autistic reblog this with your MBTI personality type!! (self-dx welcome to reblog too!)
Infj
INTP!
Hobby: Going through the notes on popular posts and reporting the spambots
Vaccines don’t cause autism.
Please make more autistic headcanons to piss non-autistics who treats it like an insult, thank you for reading this. 💖
It used to make me mad that people would always headcannon the characters I related to as autistic.
Little did I know...
over-explaining everything because you’re scared of not making sense or people thinking you’re stupid
the thrilling sequel: under-explaining everything because you’re afraid of being seen as a rambling mess
the stunning conclusion: wildly varying between both based off the most recent way you’ve fucked up
Are there other autistic people out there that like showering and find it soothing? So far all the posts I’ve seen are from people who really struggle with it.
Yes! I love it. Hot shower is very nice and relaxing.
“Imagine having a child that refuses to hug you or even look you in the eyes”
Imagine being shamed, as a child, for not showing affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being forced, as a child, to show affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being told, as a child, that your ways of expressing affection weren’t good enough. Imagine being taught, as a child, to associate physical affection with pain and coercion.
As a preschool special ed para, this is very important to me. All my kids have their own ways of showing affection that are just as meaningful to them as a hug or eye contact is to you or me.
One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says “squish.” I reciprocate. When he looks like he’s feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes it’s almost like a hug, but most of the time, it’s just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says “squish,” and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.
Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if he’s really excited, he’ll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.
Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if I’m lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.
Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after I’m done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to “crash” into me, and I tell him that it’s good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when I’m least expecting it. He doesn’t want anything, really. Just a bump to say “Hi, I appreciate you’re here.” And when he’s upset and we have to take a break, I’ll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whatever’s wrong, and he’s practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.
Moral of the story is, alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as traditional affection. Reciprocating alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as returning a hug. That is how you build connections with these children.
This is so goddamn important.
I verbally express affection. A LOT.
My husband… doesn’t. I don’t know why. For the longest time part of me wondered if it meant he loved me less.
At some point I told him about a thing I had done as a kid. Holding hands, three squeezes means ‘I Love You’.
Suddenly he’s telling me I Love You all the time.
Holding my hand, obviously, but also randomly.
taptaptap
on my hand, my shoulder, my butt, my knee, whatever body part is closest to him, with whatever part of him is closest to me
All the time.
More often than I ever verbally said it.
It’s an ingrained signal now, I can tap three times on whatever part of him, and get three taps back in his sleep. Apparently I do the same.
It’s made a huge difference for us.
People say things differently.
This entire post is just so… affectionate. I can’t stop smiling.
Imagine having a child (or 2 or more) who doesn’t like hugs, or eye contact, and is non-verbal. Imagine watching that child grow, and being let into his/her world, and discovering all the ways s/he communicates. Learning about everything s/ he loves and hates, likes and dislikes. Imagine seeing the outpouring of love and empathy from that child whom others believe in “unemotional”. Imagine what can happen when you get him/her lead you, not the other way around. Luckily, I don’t have to imagine it. I am so blessed.
Oh god, I read the first sentence in my notifications and was prepared for something terrible and ableist. Thank you for the pleasant surprise. Good addition. Bless.
So today was an a d v e n t u r e
In PE, we used the large gym for the first time. And IIIIIIIIIIII overloaded. And shutdown. And could not move for a while.
It was a weirdly severe shutdown for my usual. I mostly just get tired and my brain gets foggy and I feel like I’m floating and I only respond in scripts or non-answers.
But this time I couldn’t move for a while? Well I mean I probably could have but the mental energy it would have taken was deemed not worth it. Plus my body felt kinda numb and I couldn’t feel my fingers. When I did finally get up, I felt like I was moving through syrup. I fluctuated between feeling a lot shorter and a lot taller than I actually am, and had a hard time thinking at all. My friends were all worried because I had a really blank expression on my face and I was moving pretty slowly, but I was too embarrassed so I didn’t say anything. I could barely talk for a while.
I feel like this is more evidence for the “tell the school I’m autistic” side of my internal debate. The teachers should know so that I can do what I need to do to help myself (namely, leave the classroom for a bit to collect myself) and understand what’s going on. But at the same time, I don’t want to be talked down to or treated like I’m helpless. Telling the school is irreversible. Not telling them isn’t.
I want to get through these next years on my own merits. I would feel guilty if I got any sort of support. But at the same time, I know it would make things so much easier.
But then again, I’m doing ok right now. I’m managing overload, I’m participating in class, and I’m doing the best I can on homework, although that “best” isn’t really that well. It’s a lot to adjust to, but I am adjusting. I don’t feel like I deserve to take time and effort of the teachers and staff away from someone who might need it more than me.
Of course, it’s not guaranteed that the teachers will actually do anything. They may not even care. They might just continue on and ignore it entirely.
But if they do care, it could either be really great or really awful.
I’m sorry I keep talking about this, I’m just scared. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I shouldn’t tell them because I don’t want special treatment, but at the same time, I think I may actually end up needing some degree of special treatment to succeed at all.
The world was not built for us. Society is so well accommodated to the needs of neurotypical people, that we don’t even realize it as accommodation. It’s invisible. “Just the way things are.” But society was designed this way, to cater to the needs of the majority- and not to us. So when you ask for support and accommodation, you’re not asking for special treatment. You’re asking for your needs to be treated as important as everyone else’s already are.
There are pros and cons to being open, of course, and it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the risk. But there’s nothing wrong with asking for support.
Oh wow
That helps a lot thank you so much!
No problem! I heard something similar when I first found out I was autistic, and it really helped me.
So today was an a d v e n t u r e
In PE, we used the large gym for the first time. And IIIIIIIIIIII overloaded. And shutdown. And could not move for a while.
It was a weirdly severe shutdown for my usual. I mostly just get tired and my brain gets foggy and I feel like I’m floating and I only respond in scripts or non-answers.
But this time I couldn’t move for a while? Well I mean I probably could have but the mental energy it would have taken was deemed not worth it. Plus my body felt kinda numb and I couldn’t feel my fingers. When I did finally get up, I felt like I was moving through syrup. I fluctuated between feeling a lot shorter and a lot taller than I actually am, and had a hard time thinking at all. My friends were all worried because I had a really blank expression on my face and I was moving pretty slowly, but I was too embarrassed so I didn’t say anything. I could barely talk for a while.
I feel like this is more evidence for the “tell the school I’m autistic” side of my internal debate. The teachers should know so that I can do what I need to do to help myself (namely, leave the classroom for a bit to collect myself) and understand what’s going on. But at the same time, I don’t want to be talked down to or treated like I’m helpless. Telling the school is irreversible. Not telling them isn’t.
I want to get through these next years on my own merits. I would feel guilty if I got any sort of support. But at the same time, I know it would make things so much easier.
But then again, I’m doing ok right now. I’m managing overload, I’m participating in class, and I’m doing the best I can on homework, although that “best” isn’t really that well. It’s a lot to adjust to, but I am adjusting. I don’t feel like I deserve to take time and effort of the teachers and staff away from someone who might need it more than me.
Of course, it’s not guaranteed that the teachers will actually do anything. They may not even care. They might just continue on and ignore it entirely.
But if they do care, it could either be really great or really awful.
I’m sorry I keep talking about this, I’m just scared. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I shouldn’t tell them because I don’t want special treatment, but at the same time, I think I may actually end up needing some degree of special treatment to succeed at all.
The world was not built for us. Society is so well accommodated to the needs of neurotypical people, that we don't even realize it as accommodation. It's invisible. "Just the way things are." But society was designed this way, to cater to the needs of the majority- and not to us. So when you ask for support and accommodation, you're not asking for special treatment. You're asking for your needs to be treated as important as everyone else's already are.
There are pros and cons to being open, of course, and it's up to you to decide if it's worth the risk. But there's nothing wrong with asking for support.
"These are the best days of your life!"
-thing said to me during the worst days of my life
