You are strong!!

no offense but you guys need to learn the difference between someone implying their experience is universal and a post simply just not being about you

Show me where I've made this mistake. Cite a specific time when I misinterpreted a post in this manner.

if i randomly woke up as taylor swift one day i'd simply tweet "vriska" and disappear forever

I work at a restaurant and nothing will ever beat the time this woman threw an absolute hissy fit at brunch because we ran out of home fries and all we had were french fries, she yelled at me, she demanded to speak to my manager, and when she’s in the middle of complaining, my manager just stopped her and went “hey do you want a hug?” and this woman went “what?” and my manager was like “you just seem super upset about the shape of these potatoes and I thought maybe you needed a hug” fucking hysterical, I got to watch a human blue screen in real life, absolutely the best way to shame someone for their nonsense I’ve ever seen

???

“people only *think* the economy is bad because of rising grocery costs!” okay but that’s called food insecurity, and I cannot overstate how big of a deal that is. food prices are, historically speaking, the number one thing that people have rioted about.

im not really trying to be funny here i genuinely have never wanted context for something more in my life than this video. i mean ive always figured its just one of those weird for the sake of weird kind of things. but regardless the logistics of this whole setup are what intrigue me. what is this body of green water? a koi pond? the lighting reminds me of a hospital room or something. is the room flooded? it doesnt really look that way, but its possible. why are there apples and balls in it? but why is it also in a room? i cant tell if theres light eminating from the water or if its just such an intense shade of green it gives the illusion. is the bed affixed to the wall and suspended over the water or what? how did the bed even get there if its not a flooded bedroom? i only just noticed the water bottle tied to the bar as well. how does he manage to act relatively unbothered by a massive branch hitting him in the neck. and the watermelon just speaks for itself. im not expecting an answer i just need you to know these are the kinds of things i ask myself for 20 minutes each time its brought back to my attention

you cant fucking hurt me bitch im protected by the migratory bird act

Please, I just want to know what your migratory flight path is, I promise I’ll release you after I give you this bracelet that will insanely up your game with the ladies

bitches love me for my bright and colourful leg band

I think that when we tell teenagers that their lives will be over if they don't have the most perfect possible trajectory through the education system, that this is, perhaps, if I may be bold, not good for them,

verdict: innocent

There is another way

By the Nine, keep your whore mouth shut

Pretty sure the other way involves keeping your whore mouth open

pop up ads on pirating websites are so fucking funny. "do you want sex?" if I wanted to have sex do you really think I'd be watching doctor who. answer quickly

weed is the stupidest drug. all its nicknames are like booboo, stinky winky, gushy and one of the popular ways to consume it is in cookies and candy.

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

Shout out to this one woman from Blair Witch Project. According to the directors everyone involved in the scene was a plant, except for her, some random woman from the real Burkitsville who was asked about the Blair Witch and immediately made up a story about seeing a documentary on the Discovery Channel about disappearing hunters. While carrying a child. Unsung MVP of horror

say her name…