I stayed w a man who cheated on me and now I live with uncontrollable unease. Who woulda thought

me finding out he slept w my best friend months ago and didn’t think to let me know lol

I have decided that because tumblr is a very unpopular and relatively unproblematic platform (for me) that it is going to be my only one for a while. who r sum funny fellas that I can follow to satisfy my obsessive need for shitposting 🫶🏻

deleted all my socials and broke up with my asshole of a boyfriend. what will happen

I had another dream about them. I was talking to him on snapchat and she answered my snap for him, quite casually too. I was not mad at her, I greeted her sweetly. The next message I told him to go fuck himself.

I am so angry I didn’t see the signs.

I am so angry that she doesn’t either.

stop fucking girls who are too young for you

It is so hard to talk and not filter my words through aesthetic similes and metaphors. my pain is not fucking beautiful. it is not romantic it is not sexy it’s not fucking anything like that and I don’t know why I always have to make it out to be.

If I could just explain how much of my brain is the equivalent to that of raw sewage I think I would be met with distaste.

It’s not pretty to be obsessive, or petty, or jealous, or hateful or selfish.

and yet I still have the nerve to act like I am pretty? when all I’ve been is all of those things.

I want it to stop getting to me.

I want to stop thinking about it.

I feel so guilty that I’ve made so much space in my head for you. I cleared out the junk and made you a seat on the couch. You’re sitting there, watching the television intently as you did. I can’t get your attention.

I can’t get you out.

But I keep making the space for you. I keep clearing up the spot and I keep letting you relax in it as if it’s yours to keep.

I feel confused.

Why did it have to take me so long to realize how bad it was.

Why are you fucking a girl so young.

Why did you fuck me so young?

You may be an adult but failed to act like one when it mattered.

Cared for me in every material, physical way you could.

my therapist called it parenting.

do you do that for her?

buy her what she needs and wants but treat her like a dog when you can’t be bothered to be there in any other way?

she posted a snapchat that ended in a period. I imagine you made her mad.

Does she see the love spell and the paintings you kept from me?

Does she see how devoted you had me?

I wonder if she feels the same. You make it hard not to.

Do you feed her drugs like you did to me? Do you fuck her when she’s high?

You did to me.

How can someone so fucking stupid cause all this.

Fuck you JW.

You’ll never see this and I wish you the worst.

It feels nice to talk and know no one will see it.

I miss the boy from florida

I miss the boy who hurt me

I miss the boy I love right now. If I love him. He is so mean.

does that make me terrible?

they all held my heart at a different time and yet the feelings all meet me where I am even if they themselves have gone.

I don’t think I’m a good person.

I think I feel too much for myself. I justify feeling these things because feeling is human.

but hurting others is human too. and I can’t justify that.

have I become the abuse that I seek to leave behind?

have I hurt and do I continue to hurt?

am I seeing beyond myself? I wonder if my consciousness is kept in a clear box. I see outside but I’m never really there.

I’m in the box.

It must be nice to be articulate.

to speak without confusing

either others or myself.

what have I said?