i learned that people built a statue of “Kabang” a hero dog that got her face disfigured after saving two girls from a speeding motorcycle. She died last year, almost a decade after her heroic action (x)
me: i love this band
someone 30-40 years older than me: they've been around for awhile you just getting into them?
me: why didn't you prevent vietnam?
One time years ago I was in the elevator of my work building and this guy got on. He was breathing hard and looked a little crazed, and he went and stood behind me and took out his cell phone, and when some dude does that and you’re a not very burly femme-presenting person alone in an elevator you tend to go on alert, so I was paying a LOT of attention when he said, “Hi, it’s me. The doctor says it isn’t cancer. He says it’s another spleen.” Then the elevator reached the ground floor and the doors opened and he ran out like he was on fire.
Please go on this journey with me. The doctor said it wasn’t cancer. It was another spleen.
So the guy leaves the elevator and I’m just, you know, my day just didn’t recover. And I kept thinking about it and thinking about it. And on my last day at that job, I was in the elevator riding down at the end of my workday with my little box of office supplies, and HE GETS ON THE ELEVATOR AGAIN WITH ME. He looks much less crazed. We were again alone. I may have dreamed the whole thing.
Because, look. I worked in a skyscraper in downtown San Francisco. There were hundreds of people in my building, spread across twenty floors. The odds of me seeing him again after that first time were nuts. And I hadn’t stopped playing that conversation over in my mind. So I thought, fuck it.
Me: “Hi, uh, so listen. A couple months ago you were on this elevator? And you made a phone call?”
Him, slightly wary: “Okay?”
Me: “So I didn’t mean to listen in but you know, this is close quarters.”
Him, flat: “Uh-huh.”
Me: “So I heard you telling someone that the doctor said it wasn’t cancer, it was another spleen. And like, it’s none of my business, but today’s my last day in this building and I will never have another chance, so I have to ask. WHO in your life has a second spleen?”
The guy looked at me for a second, and then he burst out laughing, and he said, “Oh, yeah, that was my dog.”
This is the second weirdest thing that has ever happened to me and I think about it every damn day.
@pangur-and-grim for your animal with extra organs file
steven is a really funny character actually. he never went to school. one of his powers is astral projection for no real reason. hes a musical prodigy. he was so traumatized by the end of the show they had to make an entire epilogue series about it. he spent seven years looking like a 3rd grader. he was even bisexual
disneychanneloriginalmovie
he went to the center of the earth. he saved the world in flip flops. he broke his bones every day and didnt even notice. he killed someone
he didn’t have a bellybutton. he actively chose to eat super crispy bits of potato that got left in the deep fryer. he lived in a house but his dad lived in a car within walking distance of his house. he could revive people from the dead. all of his clothes were concert merchandise. he had an outdoor washing machine. he was put on trial for murder. he broke both federal and state child labor laws
The murder he was on trial for was different than the murder he committed
The murder he went on trial for was a murder his mom committed. The victim of the murder was also his mom.
disneychanneloriginalmovie
he plead guilty
He plead guilty because he was technically his mom, and therefore technically guilty.
disneychanneloriginalmovie
guys stop this is my own post and even im having an aneurysm
he also knew how to cook his own dinner cause his caretakers didnt need to eat
the rest of tumblr: hehoo capybara :)
deutschblr: oh mein gott a wet Pig
wannabe-anastacia-alcroft
oh you missed the best part
her twitter is a goldmine
So one of the funniest things about Maki Itoh is that her gimmick is that she used to be an idol but was fired because her head is “too big.” Most of her wrestling career has been in Japan, where she’s a rude and foul-mouthed heel, but when she wrestles in America she’s a face because by god do we love her.
1000gecs
Y’all have to remember people are lying to you online
1000gecs
the person “cooking badly” is faking it so you’ll comment to tell them how dumb they are and increase their engagement. the person who “failed at life” didn’t actually quit their rich person job, they pretended to do so so people online would write posts about them. the person “reuniting with their long-lost dad” didn’t actually find their parent, they were paid to act this out with a logo pointing towards the camera. once you start understanding how marketing has adapted for the digital age, you start realizing how many “natural” viral posts are carefully curated to drive algorithm interest and purchases
Note: does not apply to Tumblr nobodies who are 1) posting about something extremely mundane 2) obviously not selling shit
Typically if there are swear words involved, or the person in question is very public about how much they crave werewolf cock in unambiguous explicit terms, it's not an ad.
people do lie here but nobody profits from it and also its hilarious
you know those posts that are like omg, i love this moon lamp/ouija board/sweater/whatever the fuck and then someone reblogs it and is like omg where i can find it? and then it gets reblogged again with price, link, etc.
yeah that’s product placement
Thinking fondly about the entire genre of victorian hauntings that were "everybody who stayed in the house after dark saw weird shit going on for months until the entire structure suddenly combusted of its own ghostly accord" which abruptly ended as soon as we stopped lighting our homes with vast quantities of odorless gas
Our blessed tumblr
A holy site
Tumblr is Captain Planet but instead of kids who want to stop pollution the ring are the 7 deadly sins
from now on i only care about kristen stewart fending off ghosts
