One thing I can say to everybody reading this is you are never alone. There is always someone to help and to listen. One thing that helped me was writing letters.. Pour your feelings onto a page and tear the pages with the feelings apart like they done to you. It might or might not help. A good friend of mine died by suicide last year and the pain is excruciating but it made me realise how much devastation you leave behind.. There will always be someone who cares. I will always care about anyone who is feeling this way if I know them or not.. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel all you have to do is find it..