When a player starts talking about making a “seduction bard” and you think they’re joking around:

Then they actually make the bard that’s only problem solving method is fucking:

SLUR?????

*petting my cat* please cure my depression cat: *prrbhbphr* me: thanks

Fun fact!!

Cats don’t only purr because they’re content! When they’re sick, or when a kitten/companion is sick, they purr to help heal faster. So if you’re feeling down and your cat friend comes up to purr on you, it’s because they sense something’s up and they want to help you feel better!

Imagine beeing an animal that literally has a build in ‘comfort my loved ones’ function and still have people think you are an asshole by nature.

My mom has an asshole cat. He’s pushy, standoffish, demanding, hates to be pet, won’t sit on laps, grumbles and bites other cats. All the typical asshole cat stuff. (Yes, he’s healthy and has regular check-ups; he’s just a dick.)

I got really sick while house-sitting for my mom last winter. My nose and ears sealed up completely, my chest was congested, my throat cracked, my eyes swelled up and I couldn’t really sleep because my airways kept closing the second I’d lie down. I’d just lie on the couch on a mound of pillows and periodically fall in and out of a daze.

After about three days of this, I snapped alert all of a sudden in the wee hours of morning, choking, unable to inflate my lungs all the way.

My mom’s asshole cat was huddled down on all fours smack in the middle of my chest, looking horrifically uncomfortable with the situation, PURRING and PURRING like a damn chainsaw.

He cracked an eye to glare at me when I moved to pet him. This doesn’t make us friends, he said.

“Good kitty,” I croaked, rubbing his cheek with one finger. “Nice kitty. Good boy.”

You stink, he said. You disgust me.

Then he brushed off my finger, shut his eye, hunkered tighter, and kept purring. I fell asleep. I don’t know exactly how long he was there, but it was at least a solid hour.

Even asshole cats will cast heal on you.

Lawful Evil clerics

“Alright, so my magic’s a crab and I have to love it very dearly.”

i love the term “found family” because it can mean anything from “over the course of our epic adventure we gradually came to realize that we had found the loving home and family we were all searching for in each other” to “i woke up in the same dumpster as this troop of idiots who immediately forcibly inserted themselves into my life despite my loud and repeated objections and increased the amount of problems in it by 200% and it hasn’t even been a week but i’m already prepared to die for every single one of them without a moment’s hesitation”

ROARING 20s AGAIN Y’ALL KNOW WHAT THT MEANS

I hate that I know what this references and I hate even more that my brain went to P! ATD first

Ok, so... on Christmas, my little brother had a gift under the tree.

…er, well, adjacent to the tree.

As he began to unwrap it…

…there were, one might say, a couple layers of wrapping.

A decent amount a layers.

Quite a number, in fact.

So many that, as unwrapping proceeded…

…he kinda got lost in it.

But at the very center…

…there was a tiny slip of paper……

…that made him fall into the pile…

…’cause it just said “goose” as I got him Untitled Goose Game.

All in all, as we took it apart…

…yeah, it got pretty crazy, don’t get me wrong…

…but hey, the cats had the time of their lives.

Every gift is really two gifts: something for the recipient, and a place for a cat to be inconvenient by sitting on.

Peter Parker really went from a “don’t tell me what to do” 15 year old

To a “please, for the love of god, tell me what to do” 17 year old.

accurate representation of the teen to young adult transition

These exchanges between a bigot named Brendan Sullivan, and a heroic troll named Robert Graves, will be the best thing you read all day, I promise.

I’ll give this post a solid 5/7

Rich people showers

reblogging for that gif

i’m sorry i couldn’t help myself 

Not gonna not reblog this….

The drawings are a necessary addition. (Gargle shower and fireplace showers still best)

*muffled screams*

I had to

Why are these showers prettier than I am jeezes heck

Y’all rich bitches sleeping on this gem

I’ve been looking for this post for so long!!!

Ah yes, let me just douse my naked body with Darth Vader’s tears. 2020, such a magical time

when did we as a society decided that asthma was a nerdy embarrassing thing, as opposed to, like,,,, a genuine chronic illness?

I don’t know how many times I’ve just sat and pushed through an asthma attack because I didn’t want to pull out my inhaler in class. i was already socially ostracized, I was already a ‘nerd’- I didn’t need people seeing my inhaler.

can we talk about this?? why is every representation of asthma I’ve ever seen some nerdy kid in a sweater vest and glasses, using his inhaler as a visual gag? laugh at the nerdy kid, laugh at his potentially dangerous chronic illness.

the druid in wild shape, attempting to seduce an NPC: