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Me: my god.. i did it.. i killed him..!

Angel on my shoulder: we're extremely fortunate. You shot him in the side of the head and you're wearing gloves. Place the gun in his hand and set the house ablaze. Officer Goger's tragic suicide will be the perfect cover story

Devil on my shoulder: Goger was always eating stuffing and spelt wheat and steel cut oats. Bet he'd taste reeeeal good on a spit with an apple in his mouth. Come on, i've seen the way you've looked at him..

My tulpa, a 6'9" DD smokeshow hottie PS1 graphics anthro leopard girl in a lab coat: you must put a baby in me Your Highness, quickly!

Please take this in the most encouraging and constructive way possible: replace the batteries in the CO2 detectors in your home

I need help learning a third level spell Wich one should I learn

Spells of level three, More complex structure

Mash the lines and the syllables for casting conjecture

Take the sulfur and the salts and the eye of newt

But that means mustard seeds, so don’t try nothing cute

Then you put it in a poultice and you put that in a pouch

You throw the pouch and the target, make the guy go ouch

But then on times release, he gets surrounded by bees

And they’re under special command to attack below the knees

And then they limping as they’re running and it’s easy from there

And that is a third level spell for you player

A construction wizard that uses a piece of rebar as her wizard staff. She plunges the rebar into the earth and building materials start assembling themselves into homes and buildings, it’s a fantastic sight to see.

(And yet again, the rebar staff is great for smacking fools and bigots in the back of the skull)

She doesn't charge almost anything for the homes either.

You’re damn right you leech!

Capitalist wizards gonna capitalism, I think she could charge more in this market. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

I’m a powerful wizard, I have the energy to hate both!

*casts socialist lightning blast*

Oogh iowtch my means of production

I'm pretty sure I need a rabies shot or something

I can't cure diseases until I level up. Are you vaccinated for tetanus?

No, I have like, 4 copper and can't afford a box of band-aids.

Are you registered with a wizard council? Are they not offering you guys health insurance‽ What union are you with‽‽‽ I'm gonna tear them a new magic hole if they won't even provide their absolutely legitimate workers with basic health care!

I'm not in a wozerd council

You are the most precious thing I have ever seen in my life, and I am not powerful enough to save you.

hybrids <3

Listen, if you interrupt me with a new task while I’m midway through another, you aren’t allowed to be mad when I switch to the new task immediately. You clearly thought the new task was important enough to interrupt me with it!

I am just a little pikmin! You’re the one with the whistle!!

‘You need to learn to prioritise’ no YOU do! You’re the one dishing out tasks!! All I need to do is take things back to the onion!

reblog this post to charge up The Contraption

Do not question, reblog.

I'm pretty sure I need a rabies shot or something

I can't cure diseases until I level up. Are you vaccinated for tetanus?

No, I have like, 4 copper and can't afford a box of band-aids.

Are you registered with a wizard council? Are they not offering you guys health insurance‽ What union are you with‽‽‽ I'm gonna tear them a new magic hole if they won't even provide their absolutely legitimate workers with basic health care!

I'm pretty sure I need a rabies shot or something

I can't cure diseases until I level up. Are you vaccinated for tetanus?

(via)

Good luck with that. I can't remember who it is.

Then you’re prayers won’t ever be answered?

You'd think so, but I keep getting spells every day.

That’s odd. Are you sure you aren’t a sorcerer?

How dare you show me a buzz feed quiz!

How else does someone find out their a sorcerer?

Sniff a rock.

Smells lightly of dirt. Now what?

Eat the rock.

Took a while, but crunchy. Also had to waste a spell slot regrowing teeth.

Now eat another. Make sure you don’t sniff it though!

Alright, but now I'm out of high enough spell slots, and I'll have to channel divinity if I want to eat a third.

A third????

*stares deeply into the gnomes eyes. Bites down on a rock and chews it slowly. Blood running down my chin*

The meat is nothing to me. Flesh can always be remade. Even death is temporary.

Good. Now wait for 3 days then vomit. If you’re vomit is blue, you’re a sorcerer.

Good luck with that. I can't remember who it is.

Then you’re prayers won’t ever be answered?

You'd think so, but I keep getting spells every day.

That’s odd. Are you sure you aren’t a sorcerer?

How dare you show me a buzz feed quiz!

How else does someone find out their a sorcerer?

Sniff a rock.

Smells lightly of dirt. Now what?

Eat the rock.

Took a while, but crunchy. Also had to waste a spell slot regrowing teeth.

Now eat another. Make sure you don’t sniff it though!

Alright, but now I'm out of high enough spell slots, and I'll have to channel divinity if I want to eat a third.

A third????

*stares deeply into the gnomes eyes. Bites down on a rock and chews it slowly. Blood running down my chin*

The meat is nothing to me. Flesh can always be remade. Even death is temporary.

Good luck with that. I can't remember who it is.

Then you’re prayers won’t ever be answered?

You'd think so, but I keep getting spells every day.

That’s odd. Are you sure you aren’t a sorcerer?

How dare you show me a buzz feed quiz!

How else does someone find out their a sorcerer?

Sniff a rock.

Smells lightly of dirt. Now what?

Eat the rock.

Took a while, but crunchy. Also had to waste a spell slot regrowing teeth.

Now eat another. Make sure you don’t sniff it though!

Alright, but now I'm out of high enough spell slots, and I'll have to channel divinity if I want to eat a third.

Good luck with that. I can't remember who it is.

Then you’re prayers won’t ever be answered?

You'd think so, but I keep getting spells every day.

That’s odd. Are you sure you aren’t a sorcerer?

How dare you show me a buzz feed quiz!

How else does someone find out their a sorcerer?

Sniff a rock.

Smells lightly of dirt. Now what?

Eat the rock.

Took a while, but crunchy. Also had to waste a spell slot regrowing teeth.