WET RAT SHAKES IN SLOW MOTION!!!!

finally a good fucking post

Coño don limpio

mr clean off the shits

am fascinated by the implication that this person thinks that a backflip clean out of his pants and onto a swing would be easier

i love when people draw 2 characters cuddling and it looks like this

i fixed it for the poly baes

taylor swift fans are so scary it's like i'm in the truman show. watching taylor swift fans talk about how she soo gets neurospicy mental illness grippy sock vacation is exactly how truman felt when his wife started advertising coffee or something to nobody in particular

i'm in a heavy-handed indie game about consumerism and taylor swift fans are walking around saying "i love Food Restaurant! Food Restaurant so gets me!" meanwhile food restaurant looks like this:

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

Radish. Answer the question radish.

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

Its takes less than a minute

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

Like seven minutes

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.

I will re-blog this every time I find it. This, and the one about eating pine needles.

[descends from my observatory] "Now dawns the age of the fat slut"

may the golden age of the fat slut reign forevermore

Keep reading

I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache

life just goes on no matter what

little german boy revisits the cave of blüntsmoken! Happy 4/20 ;)

SHE THINKS HER LAUGH IS A SONG SO SHE SINGS BACK

@paperstorm

Just an absolute fucking orb of a creature

“The usual, please”

guys i need you to realize that smoking ANYTHING will cause damage to your lungs. inhaling smoke is just inherently bad for you im sorry.

coming from a chronic weed smoker: YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO LUNG DAMAGE JUST BECAUSE IT ISNT NICOTINE!!!!!

btw the message of this post is not "dont ever do anything harmful for your body" its "know the risks of whatever vices you participate in"

Men in porn always so desperate for validation. "oh you like that cock? You like my cock?" go to therapy dude

Hello, humiliation fetishists? Just wanna let you know your fetish is so normal and there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Selina Kyle would dump his ass in minutes..

if you told vin diesel fast and the furious you were gay he'd be like "Some people like driving stick…some people like driving automatic…what matters is you cross the finish line.." and then he'd rev up a dodge challenger and drive through a building and kill 16 people

he literally did in the fourth one when he's asked if he likes cars more than women

If you asked if he was cool with trans people, he'd probably say "sometimes, aftermarket parts are the only way to get the vehicle you really want. Everyone should have the right to hot rod."

guy sitting in front of me in class was vandalizing wikipedia and i kept reverting his edits as soon as he made them and he couldn't figure out why it was happening

absolutely

[ID: a tag by weirdlizard26, reading, “ive never seen death note but i think this is what death note is”. /end ID]

i think what’s on a person’s nightstand is very telling so reblog this and put in the tags the things you have on your nightstand