should I just die now or later

not sure if this is a much needed vent post, or what

there is a scene in Little Miss Sunshine when Dwayne is on the side of the highway screaming at his family telling them that he hates them all

I think about that scene and my relationship with my brother.

I cry a lot for him and I wish I could fix him.

I moved 2000 plus miles away and feel punished. 

My grandmother complains about her writing group and I listen.

I live with someone who doesn’t understand anything that goes on in my head.

I dream of a studio with my dog and the sun on my back.

My own dust and my own hair scattered in the sink from a midnight cut.

When does guilt begin to fade?

Pool szn babies!

Soft girl

my hands are speckled

from sunspots and driving with the windows down 

they are wrinkled and cracked

cuticles flaked with dead skin

in a dream they are soft and look like yours