Guy fieri is like if heat miser was a homestuck character

you... you don't know that guy fieri is a fascist dictator in homestuck canon, right?

How does this keep happening

If I remember, he's not a dictator himself so much as he's the Evil Pope. The Insane Clown Posse are the fascist dictators

Isn't this a comic about kids playing the Sims over skype

had to share this

This! You don’t know the pain of your homeland being destroyed and having no choice but to flee but out families do and we have to live with those repercussions

I have been informed this is not a copypasta so I’m going to need you all to give me a minute alone

I haven’t been on tumblr for quite as long as a lot of people but over several years I’ve noticed this interesting gradual sorta,, shift in the general culture? that it went from this mostly depressed, nihilistic outlook where people would regularly joke about hating themselves and being hopeless and depressed, to a wave of vehemence of “STOP hating everything actually the world is Good and you deserve love!!!” type posts, to now, where those aggressive ‘PSAs’ have faded away and instead I regularly see people romanticizing simple things like stars and hot tea and rainy mornings, and waxing poetic about their friends, and just trying to put love out there. and I don’t know exactly what that means (someone who knows more than me could probably say something smart about generational expression and trauma or popular perception of mental health and whatnot), but I do know that it makes my heart very full to see people learn to love the world and themselves by extension, and a whole userbase adopting healthier coping mechanisms, and therefore teaching the younger users to do so as well. I might just be following different people, but I really do think we’ve grown. everyone has grown. five years ago it wasn’t unusual for the next post on my dash to be a scathing commentary on why nothing matters or an anon ripping into someone they barely knew or someone complaining about how pathetic their interests are. now I have mutuals who get excited and spam reblog art of cows and friends I see tagging each other in pictures of frogs and strangers writing paragraphs about how much I matter. it makes me happy. idk. just an observation I wanted to make. I think people are good and everyone’s just trying their best at the end of the day

I take it all back everyone on this site is toxic

Look all I’m Saying is that maybe if Jin Guangshan had let his son hold a fucking baby, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten murdered!! Like,, that’s on him!!

old testament god literally would blow up humanity for anything. you made eye contact with that golden calf nd boom your whole family dead

republicans: god would NEVER send an illness to kill humanity

god in the bible once a month:

Hey bro would you do me a platonic solid

Sorry, best I can do is a great icosahedron.

Bro. That's. That's a platonic solid, bro.

does this look platonic to you?

Nah, that shape fucks.

I was out with a friend tonight doing one of my fave things. Reading the backs of romance novels aloud. Found this gem.

This is honestly the most wild sounding romance novel I have ever seen and thought it might brighten someone’s day.

OK FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T REALIZE, SANDRA HILL IS THE WOMAN WHO WROTE “ROUGH AMD READY” ANOTHER EROTIC VIKING NOVEL. SOME OF THE MORE MEMORABLE QUOTES BEING:

“As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.”

“Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.”

“Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.”

YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE I HAVE READ THIS TO AT COLLEGE. ONE GUY COMPLETELY LOST IT FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AFTER HEARING THE PHRASE “DICK ANEURYSM.”

Nah, I never joke about Jello, Popsicles, and Soup Broth…

Indeed, I am!

I’m a disability advocate whose triggers are Jello, Popsicles, and Soup Broth. 

I legit just lost a follower over this. 

They must be really big fans of Jello and/or Popsicles and/or Soup Broth. 

For those who have trouble detecting sarcasm - the last sentence about them being fans of said foods was sarcastic. But a few people have really unfollowed me over this. 

The other three replies, including the original, are serious. 

Jello, Popsicles, and Soup Broth are my legit triggers. I would never joke about that. 

I know it sounds bizarre. But trust me, I’m serious. 

(I’m also not a big fan of fluorescent lights.)

It should be noted that I haven’t received this many death threats since the Great Snape War of 2013. 

This is by far my favorite reply:

All right, folks, take your seats, because class is now in session! Let’s have a little talk…

Yeah, yeah, I know it’s Saturday, but learning is fun.

I’ve had seven surgeries in my lifetime and will probably have many more in the future. And one such surgery, which happened about nine years ago, involved really fun (*sarcasm*) things like tubes that are shoved up your nose and end up in your stomach (I know, I didn’t think it was possible either until they did it), eight gallons of really disgusting fluid, pain, lots of pain, and the direct order that I had to evacuate every single bit of food that was inside me.

And that was before the surgery even began!

After the surgery, I had to stay in the hospital for about a month.

And I was on what’s called a clear-liquid diet.

What’s a clear-liquid diet?

For this particular hospital:

Water, Jello, Popsicles, and Soup Broth.

A meal that was delivered to my hospital room three times a day.

That’s all I was allowed to eat.

For those of you who enjoy doing math: I was in the hospital for a month, which is roughly 30 days. I had to eat this meal three times a day. That’s 90 bowls of soup broth, 90 containers of Jello, and 90 Popsicles. Ninety times I had to eat these things. In the span of a month. 90.

Which means that nine years later, I am actually physically unable to eat these three items without vomiting. It’s a sensory trigger.

So why didn’t I talk about this from the beginning instead of enduring four death-threats, six unfollows, and nineteen messages/comments (not including the death threats and the ones that just said ‘Popsicles, Jello, Soup Broth’ over and over again)?

Well, there’s two reasons.

A.) I don’t have to. People don’t ever have to explain why something is triggering to them. Once they say that it is, it should just be a given.

And

B.) The above comment is right. I am a disability advocate. And part of that advocacy includes advocating on behalf of people with triggers. And so, you’ve all been part of a social experiment for the past few hours - an experiment to see how people react when they see that someone has really bizarre triggers (out-of-context).

And I’m a bit sad to say that many of you have failed. Even other people with triggers and/or other advocates. 

So listen because this is really important:

I know that triggers are a sensitive subject and I know that there are people out there who do joke about them.

But there are even more people out there who have triggers that seem really bizarre and even silly.

And you know what?

You cannot invalidate those triggers.

You cannot assume that someone is joking, you cannot assume that they’re mocking other people with triggers that are more commonplace or ‘sensible’, you cannot assume that they are anything less than genuine.

If someone tells you that they have a trigger, you need to believe them, no matter how bizarre it might seem.

Class Dismissed.

Louder for those in the back.

If someone tells you that they have a trigger, you need to believe them, no matter how bizarre it might seem.

Every day, I think about how I ran a fake tradwife blog on here under the username proverbs-31-wife to convince a woman on here to let my nonbinary lesbian ass into a tradwife discord server because I wanted to see the Dumbfuckery entailed there, and I had my friend send me fake anon asks challenging my faith or whatever, and I got into the server and had a laugh at the fuckery there, and thought that was the end of it.

And then @strange-aeons made a video about the tradwife community on tumblr, and included my godawful fake response about "my husband Jeremiah", and now has merch with that phrase on it, and I just want any of you who are fans of her youtube channel like myself to know that you're living in the good tineline because That Shit Was Fake As Fuck and was written by a lesbian trying to con their way into a discord server

i am OVERJOYED to learn this

Plot twist: all the trad wife blogs are all fake blogs, all run by lesbians.

The epic tale of Guangshan's super paternal relationship with his son Meng Yao:

meng yao doesn’t have shoulder angel vs shoulder devil he has trauma vs horny I MEAN uhhhh head vs heart

as @guqin-and-flute​ so accurately put it:

Hey, my names ash and I'm pregnant with an unwanted baby. I cannot afford abortion but if i decide to raise money and go get one my entire support system (friends, family) will disown me. I need help getting out of this hole and getting this baby out of me. I've estimated $4,000 dollars will help with my medical bills, moving, and general life expenses coming up. I'm sorry to reach out like this but i have no options anymore.

paypal- bravomask@aol.com

cashapp - $toothpull

people arent even trying to learn how to pirate anymore its always "where can i watch this what service is it on" never "tokyo mew mew full episodes free online no virus"

A normal day at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect

As important as explicit gay rep is, nothing will ever be funnier to me than an entire fandom collectively deciding a relationship between two characters is gay without even a shred of subtext

This post is about Tom Nook and Redd’s divorce