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SUPERSTAR
ever since i was a kid, i dreamed about being a “superstar”. i was confident that i would be an actress, singer, dancer, and fashion designer all in one. i had an extreme passion for all of these things, calling myself a “quadruple threat”. keep in mind, i was saying and thinking these things around the age of 6 or 7… my dreams of superstardom seemed more and more unrealistic in the years following due to my rapidly decreasing confidence in myself and my abilities. i began to tell myself often that i was just a normal girl with slightly above average abilities in the hobbies i loved so much. i went from feeling like i was destined to be my own personal definition of a “superstar” to feeling like i would never be truly great at anything. i remember in high school thinking that i was just okay at everything i did… i was good enough to be considered “good” but never GREAT. i wanted greatness… i wanted to be the best there ever was at everything i tried. then, when i wasn’t IMMEDIATELY a prodigy in something i would just give up instead of working on my skills and achieving that greatness i knew i was capable of deep down. i was too afraid of failure and looking stupid and putting myself out there to realize what i was missing out on. now, looking back, i know that if i had really truly put my all into everything that i loved (my biggest regret is quitting dance… which i did many times) i would be so much farther along than i am now. if my confidence had never lessened, if i consistently believed in myself and accepted the fact that i have felt this calling, felt my true destiny in life since i was a small child… things would be much different for me.
well, guess what? i’m gonna be a superstar anyway. i’ve known in the back of my mind, through all my self hatred and self doubt, that i was meant to be MY definition of a superstar. so here it is:
su·per·star
noun
a multifaceted person who is amazing at whatever they choose to devote themselves to. someone who has more passion for the things they love and stand for than you’ve ever seen. someone who works hard and gets things done. someone who is uniquely themselves and will NEVER apologize for it. someone who knows what they want and will do whatever it takes to get there… the RIGHT way. someone who spreads a positive message, and uses their power for good. someone who has a special aura about them… in the way they talk, in their mannerisms, in their general being. someone who is creative and imaginative and sees things that no one else does. someone who is in control of their own life and doesn’t let anyone tell them what to do, especially if it goes against what they stand for and believe in. someone who has extreme empathy for others.
now go out and be a fucking superstar.
hollywood dreams
i live right next to the hollywood sign. drive one minute down the street and it’s right in your face. when i was growing up, i looked at the hollywood sign as an iconic symbol that represented a higher tier of life. it represented fame, wealth, power… and so many more things that seemed unattainable yet incredibly alluring. i had dreams of what it would be like to party with the stars in a mansion in the hills, like i saw in the movies. it all seemed so perfect and made me feel a way i’d never felt before. i think that everyone, to some extent, has dreams of fame and fortune at some point in their life. fame, especially fame that is attained in the field of entertainment, is regarded as an ideal lifestyle that, once u get there, is easy and gets you anything you desire. it is considered lucky and rare to become famous… and people often think that celebrities live glamorously all the time with only the most trivial problems. this is not the case, by any means. from living amongst these people and, depending on who you ask, practically being one of them… i can tell you that problems arise here just as often as they do in any other kind of lifestyle. different lifestyles mean different problems, it doesn’t mean a lack there of. i think that life is hard no matter who you are. a financially poor person may not have money, but they may have a family who loves them… the same as a financially wealthy person may have mental health issues and a neglectful family. these are just two examples out of too many to count. life is not about living some “glamorous” fake life. when it comes down to it, you can be happy living in a shack and unhappy living in a 20,000 square foot mansion with two pools and a tennis court. the things you have, the parties you attend… even the people who look up to you won’t make you happy. i’ve met more broken people in los angeles than i have ever met anywhere else. once you get here, once you’ve lived out everyone’s fantasies and realized that it’s all just another illusion, you have to look to what’s real in order to truly be happy. none of it matters.
I get paralysingly nervous a lot of times, so I tried bravado. The way I dress and carry myself, a lot of people find it intimidating. I think my whole career can be boiled down to the one word I always say in meetings: ‘strength.’
