he livin in 3019

I’m sorry. If you are having a party in your house you must to fill out the mandatory form specifying what kind of party it will be according to the underage drinking broadway scale:

(  ) Big fun

(  ) Whose house is this

(  ) Halloween

You turn on your PC to keep working on your novel, but to your surprise, when you open the file, it is writing itself. You read some of what has already been written and it seems your characters have created free will, and the plot is progressing without you.

“oh thank god” says the writer

this is the thing i want on the top of my wedding cake

youtube to mp3 converters have done more for this country than the military ever will

when you don’t get the nut

when you get down on your knees to pray youre sucking gods dick

*bends down even further to suck his toes*

i didnt say that

I had trouble with the talent at my photo shoot yesterday

baby nugget yes

[Image: A Valentine’s card featuring a picture of Hermione Granger on a light blue background with the text ‘our love story will be greater than hogwarts: a history’.]

this is the funniest twitter thread i’ve ever seen in my goddamn life

The ‘what color’ guy is going places

because its not a guy

she was a gal and she had a pal can i make it anymore obvious?

say what you will about gilderoy lockhart but he really took his whole thing and went as far as he could with it and honestly i respect him for it

Fuck you I’ll reblog it cuz it’s an elephant strawberry I need no other reason

I Photograph The Special Bond Between My Dog And My Duck To Show How Sensitive Animals Can Be

#Imagine

 walking in class the first day of school & you see this:

 … … and he says “I’m Justin Bieber, your new teacher.”