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Chord Cob

@chordcob

I’m going to learn coding and art, maybe. I wanna post stuff here when I get to it. You should play Monster Hunter, by the way. :)

mcdonalds gave me a baby pancake 🥺 i love when small businesses send free gifts

UPDATE: DO NOT GOOGLE "RONALD MCDONALD BREEDING"

how dare u ???? EVERYONE should be educated on ronald mcdonald breeding practices.

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Actually, a lot of the research done on ronald mcdonald breeding was funded by rival diner chains as a slander campaign and is riddled with misinformation and pseudo science so the one that should educate themselves is YOU

so you hate women ???!!?!

he looks so fertile and weak

who said that

get back here and face what youve done

This whole post felt like getting slapped by a very wet piece of ham, one after another.

i know who I'd slap with a wet piece of ham

ronald mcdonald?

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

This is fucking insane

I've never adequately appreciated the batshit brilliance of this joke, I've taken it for granted

I didn't know bucket toothpaste was only a thing here!

WAIT! How do people in other countries put toothpaste on their toothbrushes??? You d-don't use your toothpaste spoon????

You keep your toothpaste in condiment tubes???

This whole thread is making me so sad 😔😔

For the americans out there, 1kg is about 2lbs. Rewriting this bost gives:

"To answer a lot of people's question: this package is [4lbs] there's also, [10lbs] and [20lbs] ones (which used to be sold in most stores, but you can find them only in specialized ones nowadays). There are some tiny ones, like 1lb! Those are the ones you buy to carry when you travel."

Croatians apparently take a pound of toothpast with them when they travel.

I now live in fear of the Croatians.

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Before meeting my girlfriend I never would’ve shared any of my food ever, because fuck you, you know? But I was eating this fancy chex mix and they have these tasty brown bits and they’re my favorite, and I never would’ve shared those tasty little morsels beforehand, but getting to share it with her was somehow even better than outright eating it. So the moral of the story isn’t “sharing is caring” because I would never EVER share my perfect tasty morsels with a fucking stranger, the moral of the story is to be a muscled stud and have a perfect chex mix-type girlfriend.

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I'll share my food when I'm good and dead. 😤

I don't care how based and food-pilled someone is; they'll never get anything off my plate.

The Tumblr Live thing seems to be filled with so many... normal(???) people compared to what I expect when I think of Tumblr users. I don't actually know what I expect, but I've never clicked on one. What the hell am I gonna be met with if I click on one of the ones with 7 women in swimsuits posing for a picture? Something gory? Something strange? A camshow? 7 women in swimsuits? Who knows. O.o

I wonder how easy it would be to get fooled into joining a cult. They feed on loneliness and a need to belong, especially when you're feeling vulnerable, right? If the right one was able to trick me, I'd probably consider it then back out immediately because I'd feel like I didn't belong as soon as I got there. Like walking into a grocery store and immediately feeling like everyone else belongs there and you don't and you're trespassing. Hmm...