MIGUEL'S 👏 HANDS 👏 HAS 👏 BEANS 👏👏

you all know how a cats claw works right? press the bean, the sharp comes out? yeah thats my headcanon for him. Not original in any way shape or form but just thought its a good fluff material okay bye

me railing lucifer in church for his father's blessing-

yup! me (spooks) am taking requests with these guys! Please no nsfw, but i’ll doodle some fluff!

I can also hand out a few headcanon doodles too!

Soldier is a Sexist Who Doesn't See Gender

I was just re-reading the TF2 comics, and started to make this observation.

"Jane Doe's" perception of the world is filtered through a blend of absurd principles and imaginary realities, which has rendered him extremely xenophobic, but only towards abstract concepts and ideas. Basically he's a jingoist and a misogynist in principle but not in practice: he'll outwardly declared he hates Russians, but have no qualms with marrying one; he'll make plenty of comments about how women are weak, but actively treats women exactly the same as men.

This is because to Soldier, the concepts of nationality and gender are fluid and entirely defined by his perception. Anyone Soldier considers a friend is automatically "American" in his brain. Anyone Soldier considers an equal is automatically a "man" in his eyes. This is why he regularly addresses his fiancé as "son," or refers to a group of old women he's leading as "men."

At his core, Soldier is defined by loyalty. Loyalty to his country and its propaganda is what made him the jingoist he pretends to be, while loyalty to the people he cares about is what makes him the inexplicably tolerant and caring man he often is.

Alien: You’re telling me that in times of great distress humans have been known to suddenly gain the strength necessary to lift objects more than a dozen times their own weight?!

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

Alien: Fuck you and your entire species of tiny juggernauts.

Did this post just use a dialogue format to trick me into learning science

honestly when aliens arrive we should start having sex with them as soon as possible. so when they decide to take over a lot of them already have emotional connections/physical offspring and will form a sizeable resistance. not me, i don’t want to, but i know a lot of you would be into that, and i’m telling you it’s okay, you’re actually the last hope for our species.

Humans in Space are surprisingly safe

When Aliens first got access to human ships the thing that surprised them most was the sheer number of safety systems on board. Surely a species as tough as humans would not need to be protected from anything? But everywhere they checked they found multiple failsafes, safety protocols, and safety nets protecting everything from the weapons system to the coffee machine. Some of these systems were so specific they wondered why or how the humans had come up with them and why they spent the effort fitting them to their ships. Their questions were answered when humans first started working on an alien ship. Within the first month the human crew members had: Burned themselves Stabbed themselves “Strategically amputated” an arm (then reattached it without much fuss) Spaced themselves on more than one occasion Been electrocuted by the food despenser Exploded four computer terminals And secretly grown a cat in one of the science labs After that the Aliens sent a request to the human council for a copy of their safety protocols And also learnt the meaning of the term “idiot proofing”

Oh hey this got 2.7k notes when I wasn’t looking. The Cat’s name is Captain Kirk

my puppy got hit by a car last week. she's living and breathing but for the past 3ish weeks I haven't slept anything over 3 hours. I have never stayed up this late because I normally crash within 5 ish days and sleep for 12 hours. and about this time things start to become 𝕗 𝕦 𝕟 𝕜 𝕪. I FINALY have a sleep paralysis demon... only it's not a monster... it's fucking ghost from call of duty. I DONT EVEN PLAY COD I JUST KNOW THE MEME. MY SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON IS A M.E.M.E.

Extremely correct quotes

Aria (6): Daddy, if my dolly is cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?

Simon: No, sweeite, that would be a mistake

Aria: ... daddy?

Simon, dad senses tingling, increasingly concerned: yes?

Aria: .. I made a mistake

For the ending of a great series, I have prepared a few incorrect quotes for @neoarchipelago series And They Were Roommates

Its getting there I have give or take 6 more pages to go through😭 so much left oh my god

Ghost you silly man part 2

when your bestie was auto balanced in the enemy team

Adopted Madrigals

Adopted Madrigals can inherit powers as well! 

[natasha lead the team on mission]

natasha: any last question?

m/n: why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

natasha: i- what?

[team try not to laugh out loud]

Y/n: I am the ultimate third wheel

Alejandro, cuddling with Rudy: you shouldn’t think that way

Soap, holding hands with Ghost: yeah, what makes you say that?

Konig, hugging Horangi: completely untrue

Y/n: wow. I have upgraded to the seventh wheel. I am truly powerful

König has mastered the frog blink. But this is a skill that he keeps to himself and rarely shares. One day after a mission König turned to Horangi and frog blinked when they made eye contact. Since that day he’ll frog blink at Horangi and Horangi alone, making him feel crazy because no one believes him when he says König does this.