I miss knowing there was time I would have to do and be myself... I'm with you on this one.

Christ this is so fucking cool

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this. There's so much going on here. I genuinely love the conception of gender as mystic autodeism. Gender as divine microcosm. Gender as Great Work. It's gnostic, it's alchemical, it's got notes of bacchanalian worship of the body and the inherent magic of self-discovery. This but unironically.

Shoutout to transphobes for thinking gender is this fucking badass

fantasy characters: “Geez”

me: who the fuck spread Christianity there

this two-years-old shitpost just gained a hundred notes who the snickerdoodles dug it up

W H A T

@rogha

In moments like this I always fall back on the fact that they also aren’t speaking English because they don’t have England or the many languages and conquering peoples that contributed to the creation of the English language and therefore the work musr be a translation into recognizable terms in our world’s terms. Call that Tolkien Brainrot.

Definitely funnier if you make fantasy explanations though,

Champagne is a wizard who sells bubbly alcohol.

It’s called English because of the original Lish people, all languages start with En here.

French fries are not potatoes they’re roots of the french plant.

Goodbye is now short for ‘good be your eye’ wishing you luck seeing the path ahead.

Jesus Christ is a long dead lich who used to cause everyone problems and we haven’t stopped saying her name when things go wrong.

And that’s the Pratchett approach

FOLKS, PLEASE…DO YOUSELVES A BIG BIG FAVOR AND STOP USING TURBOTAX!  IT IS USELESS NOW!!!

THE IRS website will let you fill out and file your return THERE ON THE IRS SITE.  You pay like $12 for the actual electronic filing process, and THAT’s IT!

Unless you have tremendous amounts of Schedule D stock shit, TurboTax is NOTHING BUT A RIPOFF!!!

The IRS website is EXCELLENT.  They allow you to look up your past returns, and have every bit of information you MIGHT POSSIBLY NEED!

FUCK TURBOTAX!

LIBERATE YOURSELF FROM IT!!!!!!!

Actually, with Free File it’s FREE

No $12 fee

That’s the point of free

If you make less than an income threshold you get to file for FREE using various softwares that are REQUIRED to be and stay free or they lose the license to work with the IRS as part of the Free File program

If you make more than that threshold you can file for FREE using the Free File Fillable Forms where you type in numbers and click “do the math” and the website does all your math for you

Also fuck turbotax, I’m not even allowed to use it because it’s inaccurate enough that I’d get fired since Congress mandated all IRS employees’ taxes need to be PERFECT as a condition of employment

Here’s a list of free tax filing services, straight from the IRS website:

It tells you how much their income threshold is and if they’ll free file for you at the state level.

DO NOT PAY TO FILE YOUR TAXES IF YOU DO NOT HAVE TO.

So I did Free File yesterday, and I don’t think people realize how broad the eligibility is - it goes all the way up to  $41,000 or less a year in adjusted gross income. (There are also even more generous eligibility standards for seniors and veterans, so you should check those out if you qualify). Odds are pretty good that you are among the 42% of Americans who fit into that bucket.

So screw the predatory TurboTaxes of the world and save yourself a couple hundred bucks a year.

Wish I would’ve known about this last week before I filed my taxes 🙃

@softichill

That was a tough decision. Time for a snack!

i’m so thankful we’re alive to smell flowers and touch saltwater and get chilled in the breeze and take deep breaths and make foods warm with love and dance and laugh and move and wake up and dig our hands in dirt and eat strawberries and draw mindlessly and remember and sing and joke and walk down the same street again and again and make meaning. we are so lucky we get to be and feel and keep going

Фигурка “Лесной царь”

Arepo's Steed.

tom hardy saying he feels at odds with his status as a male action hero bc he feels "intrinsically feminine" is miles and miles more gender fuckery than anything harry styles has done in his entire career

boyband boy could never effortlessly be this

The full quote (asked if he had sex with men):

I think I might have a new horrible, terrible, fucking amazing story idea.

Okie dokie it took a very disturbing turn very quickly but here’s the idea;

Imagine the tiniest, most wimpy, pathetic, pitiful dragon you possibly can. She’s got blunt horns and blunt teeth, and her claws aren’t very sharp! She’s a little smaller than your average house cat! Her name is Altheria. Her hoard consists of;

And she’s so little she can’t even hold the coin in one paw. It’s not a big coin, she’s just little and doesn’t have thumbs! 👍

So the other dragons are all bigger and greedy, and very mean to her. She’s struggling to hold onto her one pathetic coin, and these other dragons are fucking HUGE with caves full of gold, yet they’re super greedy and want all the gold they can get! So one of them sees Altheria’s single little coin and steals it. She tries to fight back, but they’re so big compared to her that they just bat her out of the sky like hitting a fly with fly swatter.

So she’s lost her entire hoard in one night, and she’s feeling pretty pathetic, when she sees a poster!

HELP WANTED - RESCUE PRINCESS ELIZABETH - REWARD 15,000 GOLD

and she gets a very bad idea, but she’s pretty desperate and stupid so she does it anyway!

So the story follows Altheria as she blunders her way through this quest to save the kidnapped princess (so tragically taken days before her wedding!!!) And she kinda sucks at it. She mostly skates by because everyone looks at her and goes “She’s so small!!! She’s harmless!!!”

And there’s this thing called The Gift that people are born with. Only people with The Gift can understand dragons, so no one knows what the fuck she’s saying anyway. Everyone just ignores her!

Well Altheria makes it to the bandit infested fortress where the princess is only to discover….

Drum roll please!!!!

The princess wasn’t kidnapped. She ran the fuck away because she was not vibing with that whole marriage thing. She’s taken over this small army of bandits and become their leader. She’s plotting to take over her father’s kingdom and become queen instead of being sold off to some prince. She’s building an army.

Elizabeth has offered every would-be rescuer to show up a choice; join her cause, or die. Out of 37 would be rescuers, only three have joined her. The other 34 she defeated and killed in single combat. Because she’s a badass.

She then ransomed the bodies to their families for a shit load of money.

So Eliza has The Gift, and gives Altheria the same choice but with some added sugar; if Altheria joins up, she can be Eliza’s treasurer.

Altheria takes one look at the 35,000 gold Eliza has built up, and Eliza promises they’ll get even more gold if they can take over the kingdom… And Altheria is 100% on board!!!!

But the reason dragons need gold is simple; the more gold a dragon possess, the larger they grow. That’s why Altheria was so small. She only had one coin! But now she has 35,000 that she (kinda, she shares with Eliza) owns.

Altheria starts growing again. Throughout their quest to take back the kingdom in Eliza’s name, she gets bigger, her teeth and horns get sharper, her fire gets hotter… She becomes a fucking badass, just like Eliza.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten so far.

This story is badass. hehe~ Imagine Eliza and Altheria going around defeating the other dragons that bullied Altheria before (in the sense of robbing; unless dragons do “fair and square” matches to get the Gold) and Altheria just becomes this extra huge, extra strong, extra badass dragon and the rest are now the tiny fly treatment dragons. XD hahaha

I have this image in my head of Altheria eating the alley cat that was mean to her in chapter one, but this works too

OP can I 🅱️lease draw fanart

I would die for you if you did

Bless

And you know I had to draw my favorite part

I’m actually crying oh my god I can’t see the screen anymore my eyes are too blurry with tears in my god oh my god oh my god do you understand you’re my favorite person now? Holy shit holy shit holy shit I love you she looks so little and perfect it’s exactly how I pictured it thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU❤ ❤ ❤

I hope you know I’ve been sitting here in hysterics repeating SHE’S GOT A LITTLE FORK SWORD SHE’S GOT A LITTLE FORK SWORD SHE’S GOT A LITTLE FORK SWORD OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OH MY GOD

I WOULD DIE FOR ALTHERIA

(she’s gOT A LITTLE FORK SWORDDDD–!!!)

I LOVE ALTHERIA!!!

@writing-in-the-grave

I just want you to know... I'm now developing a campaign with this plot line.

I'm going to call it "Golden Freedom."

You’re a shopkeeper who sells liquid dreams. People come to your shop for many reasons; self revelation, escapism, to see a gone loved one or for a precious good night sleep. Your shop is located between dimensions so no visitor can come twice. However, recently you’ve seemed to gain a regular.

Reblog and say in the tags if you have any keychains or key charms and what they are.

reblogging this because I'm a USian and desperately want to see what the results are when the poll ends

Also boo, Northern Virginia should totally be part of BOSWASH

:extremely NY voice: BOSWASH???

Yeah. Anyway not going anywhere near the East that's all I am saying.

I am going to what I used to *hurricane*

Wtf is boswatch

BOSWASH?

I am obsessed with this idea

The thing is, until you get past the mindset of "justice=punishment" you will never be able to create lasting change. We have actual proof that punitive justice creates more crime and makes criminals more violent. We have actual proof that rehabilitation reduces crime and recidivism. But some of y'all are so stuck on this idea that the wrongdoer must be punished for justice to be done that you will choose sating your need for revenge over actually moving toward a better world every time. And that's sad!

Everyone in the notes saying punishment doesn't undo the bad thing: exactly! Punishment does not create or preserve healing, prevention, protection, fairness, or goodness. The only thing punishment does is satisfy a sadistic public desire for revenge and give us the illusion of control.

Christian hegemony

💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Toadstool Veil
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement) ___

To wear this wide-brimmed cap, you must use an action to secure it in place with a veil, which is tied around your chin. While wearing it, glimmering spores drift down from the cap and linger around you. The top of the cap is plushly made and flops from side to side. You can use an action to magically change the appearance of the mushroom cap while wearing it. Regardless of its new appearance, it must still resemble a mushroom.

While wearing the cap, fungal plant creatures with a challenge rating of 1 or lower (such as a violet fungus) are indifferent toward you and will not attack you unless you threaten or harm them. In addition, when you’re hit with a melee attack, you can use your reaction to cause a plume of spores to waft into the attacker’s face. The attacker must then make a DC 13 Constitution saving throw. On a failed save, roll a d4 to determine which of the following effects occur.

d4 | Effect — 1 | The attacker is incapacitated until the end of its next turn or until it takes any damage. It hallucinates for the duration. - 2 | The attacker is violently ill and must use its next action retching and reeling. If the attacker would normally be able to make additional attacks on this turn, it can’t. - 3 | The attacker is confused until the end of its next turn or until it takes any damage. For the duration, its speed is reduced to 0, and it makes as many attacks as possible on its turn. It makes each attack against a random target within its reach, including itself. 4 | The attacker begins to laugh uncontrollably until the end of its next turn. It falls prone, becoming incapacitated and unable to stand up for the duration.

Once an effect’s number has been rolled, the next time that number is rolled before the next dawn, nothing happens. ___

✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon’s Saddlebag on Patreon for less than $10 a month!

Incredible

gaming makes you trans you heard it here first

cis people are so fucking dense

My child has been making girl avatars to represent themselves for years, so I'm sure this doesn't mean anything about how they view themselves.

💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Collar of the Crystal Veil
Wondrous item, very rare (requires attunement by a spellcaster) ___

This platinum collar surrounds a chained web of ornate diamonds with a series of armor-like plates. While wearing the necklace, a translucent, glittering veil surrounds you: your AC is equal to 12 + your spellcasting ability modifier if you are wearing no armor and using no shield. In addition, you gain a +1 bonus to saving throws.

𝘾𝙧𝙮𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝘽𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙧. As a bonus action while wearing the necklace, you can project its magic outward to form a magical barrier. The barrier uses your AC, has 50 hit points, and is immune to poison and psychic damage. It extends from you to form a 10-foot-radius sphere. Nothing can physically pass through the barrier, and spells cast from outside the barrier can’t target anything within its area. Similarly, the area within the barrier is excluded from the areas affected by such spells.

The barrier remains for as long as you concentrate (as if concentrating on a spell), to a maximum of 1 minute, or until it drops to 0 hit points. You can designate up to 4 creatures that can pass through the barrier when it appears. The sphere moves with you and remains centered on you. It ends early if you remove the necklace or if you move in such a way that a creature you didn’t designate would be forced to enter its area. Once this property of the necklace has been used, it can’t be used again until the next dawn. ___

✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon’s Saddlebag on Patreon for less than $10 a month!