Me after coming home from work and taking a shower
Arrested Development 2.06 “Afternoon Delight” Parks and Recreation 4.11 “The Comeback Kid”
i invite you over to my house and while we're greeting each other at the door i turn around and yell "down boy! DOWN! NO!" and you just see a caterpillar moving very slowly across the floor toward you
if i found out that my boyfriend is a gender fluid demon that tries to steal my keys and acts like a child because they're new to living, I would simply put a leash on him and say that if she murders someone again or tries to fight my little brother, they won't get any type of affection from me. rip to kinsey but i'm different
i was trying to collect more shitty ms paint doodles we all use and vibe with and then i realize i also have ms paint and can just MAKE some
grieving the person you used to be
marian keyes// ?// bigger than the whole sky, taylor swift// fiona apple// @inkskinned// would've, could've, should've, taylor swift// father, the front bottoms// @inanotherunivrse// ?// memento mori, crywank// @dakotajohnsongf// @ryebreadgf// quote: deathless, catherynne m. valente edit:? // bojack horseman s6 e16// a pearl, mitski// would've, could've,should've, taylor swift// ?// ?// ?// @heavensghost
Welcome to Subway. Anything you say can and will be used on your sandwich.
Banger after banger after banger
finally, the british begin to understand the american lust for Large Sugary Drinks
loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done
oh uh. scuse me. just a lil snail crossing your dash
I love how certain I am that I’m not the only person who stopped scrolling to let the snail finish crossing the dash.
In fact, I would bet small sums of money that the majority of Tumblr folk do.
Rb for the lil hops it does at the end before it finishes crossing 🥺💓
samtf-deactivated20211025
"mom's not home, you know what that means" walks around the house talking to the imaginary audience for three hours straight
*watches cringey movie on the big tv instead of my laptop*
Nigerian artist and actor Bolaji Badejo, who played the titular Alien in Ridley Scott’s 1979 classic
Sometimes i see you ppl say like i want a farmer bf i want a farmer gf 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 well that’s fine and all but i hope you know that when you take off our belts after a hard days work the only thing youre gonna find is dirt.
“Whats in your pants?” “Dirt.”