elf sex: 3 to 12 effeminate twinks coo and giggle in a sensual pile in the woods. sometimes the elf queen joins and pretends they’re her baby birds
dwarf sex: a pair of strong able bodied warriors tacitly agree to mate as equals under a binding contract of tomelike thickness, with consent from the council
gnome sex: married couple of 200 years finally gives in to temptation and call upon the stork to deliver their child, then sleep in separate beds completely satisfied
thinking about that illustration of solitude vs loneliness in which solitude is a dog peacefully holding its own leash & loneliness is a feral dog fighting against the restraint of the leash & feeling slightly insane
Jaakko Pallasvuo
Happy Labor Day. Today I learned about probably the first strike to happen IN SPACE.
“We would never work 16 hours a day for 84 straight days on the ground, and we should not be expected to do it here in space.“
I’m a magician in the sheets 😏 *pulls a rabbit out of my pussy*
-Mary Toft, 1726
Hold on I need to look something up
yeah. sorry
What would happen if you got an email
i would check it
You sick fuck.
so sad what’s happened to crit1kal. a once respected content creator gets easy views from bottom on the barrel react content, next thing you know he’s been chopped&cooked into a delicious stew by a cackling witch. many such cases
you don't even wanna know what the ogre did to markiplier. he hadn't even recovered from his LA trip yet
lest we forget the ogre
I have been a sheep caretaker for like two days and already I'm like. Wow. I get it.
I get why these were some of the earliest mammals to ever be domesticated. They look up to humans with this sort of dumb but all at once innocent and pure and trusting expression. They're happy to see you. They follow you around. They like to be rubbed under their chins. Maybe its just some latent Scottish highland shepherd DNA I still have in me but I look at my sheep charges and suddenly I see why the love of God for humanity is so often described as a shepherd and his sheep. I'd fight a wolf for these guys. I'd go way the Hell out of my way for them. I'd carry their young for miles on my own back.
nearly 80k reblogs and how many of you eat lamb
The ancient shepherds I'm referencing also ate lamb lol
late 18th century dandy voice: the top of the pipe is painted to look like a penis, meaning that the act of smoking appears as if I am performing fellatio, how amusing!
me: yeah thats my penis bong I thought you'd like it
Can't quite cope with how much this looks like me and my dad
It begins
Photo credit to the exceeding bemused sound technician we bribed with two cans of Carlsberg to permit us access to his gazebo.
Sorry I wasn’t paying attention I was pressing on my eyes for a color show extravaganza
Well sure, I mean if you insist on the inch. Hehe. Thanks. Hey UM actually do you mind if I have a mile. I need it now. Already walking away
the “i am from russia” was a warning
I asked a taxi driver in Bucharest to take the quickest route to the airport. 10 minutes later we're doing 120kph the wrong way done the street car tracks when another taxi tried to pass us and dude just floors it. Never spoke a word, smoked 9 cigarettes over the 30 minute ride, never took off his sunglasses and blasting opera all the way. I look at it as paying 15€ plús tip to lose all fear of death.
Having lived in Bucharest I can tell you he would have done that even with out you asking
My dinnar 💪💯❗💥
This is one of your worst posts yet man
You called me dirt sucking poor and told me my carrot looks like a cock
Wait hold on Tumblr girlies have been carrying that show on netflix for well over 10 years now and the guy responsible for it hasn’t gotten a GOD DAMN DIME?????
Nor the actors, writers, set people, tech folks, and anyone else involved that made it happen. This - this is why they’re angry. This is why they deserve a new contract!
Being on drag race sounds like the most grueling psychological torture I can possibly imagine. I would kill myself on air right in front of Roople.
Köcsög
the mark of a good prank is if the guy you just pranked immediately wants in on it
Lost Austen novel opening line.
