I’ll give it my all... Tomorrow

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes it is.” Boy: ‟I have a baseball.” Man: ‟That’s nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟That’s my dad outside.” Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?” Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes, it is..” Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.” Man: ‟That’s nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.” Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?” Boy: ‟$750.” Man: ‟Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy says, ‟I can’t. I sold them.” The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?” The son says, ‟$1,000.” The father says, ‟It’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, ‟Dark in here.” The priest says, ‟Do not start that shit again.”

JEFF WE TALKED ABOUT THIS

Tumblr makes sense to me bc if i see something i like i get excited and hit the button to show other people and theres no weird unspoken social conventions my autistic brain doesnt understand. I can literally sit here and reblog 150 niche shitposts about harvest mice in an hour just bc they make me happy and i dont have to explain myself to anyone and i'll actually *gain* followers instead of just being called weird and downvoted or whatever its so cool

I love it here.

can i get a hell yea if you’re still gonna be wasting your time on this website in 2014

pushing daisies really was a modern retelling of orpheus and eurydice in which they knew they wouldnt make it out of the underworld so instead they simply built a life together on the stairs

I'm fascinated by how the formatting of different social media sites affect how text is read.

For instance, a line break on Tumblr indicates a new idea.

But a reblog break indicates that time has passed.

stop listening to music and start listening to the sounds of nature. the “eagles?”The “rolling stones?” The “beetles?” Come into the beautiful forest with me and you will find all of those things friend…. I promise….If you just believe<3

In the beautiful forest you will also encounter the “mountain goats” and “corn” and “monkeys” and the “killers” and the-what do you mean what was that last one? Nothing haha don’t worry about it…………… <3

coworker told me he “hates all mollusks” today. and to each their own obviously but like… theres 100k species of mollusk… you really hate all of them bro? nautiluses and oysters and snails and nudibranches and chitons and thousands of animals youve never even heard of???? what did ammonites even fucking do to you

he hates sea bunny?

AND leaf sheep??

There's actually only one piece of ""Tumblr etiquette"" that people need to know and it's if you see a post that has thousands or tens of thousands of notes you should really check the replies to make sure ten billion other people haven't already told op the thing you're about to tell them so they don't have to spend the rest of their day trying to blow you up with their mind

i think if you stopped time and brought a gorilla to a new york deli and then started time again it wouldnt even be startled like it would immediately peruse the menu and order a reuben in sign language

~Space Pride Dragons~

@linuxealcipher

Notice: not only do your friends actually like you, they secretly like you twice as much as they let on

An experience that made me feel much more assured in my friendships was at college, a friend and myself were talking about a third friend of ours and how cool and knowledgeable and smart she is and how we feel like we could never be that cool. The next day I was working with a professor on some paper presentations we were about to have and when I came out of the staff room I was informed that these two aforementioned friends were having the same discussion about me. And it turns out we spent a lot of time thinking about our friends who aren't currently in the room and gushing over how cool and smart and talented they are without being able to say all of it to their face.

Your friends secretly love you a lot more than they already express, just like you love them so intensely that saying it all to their faces would sound clumsy to your own ears. It's true though