Avatar

on those waves, we drift together

@chaoticeddie

Lena | 24 | multifandom | nb lesbian ace | they/them

my friend just told me that there's a secret second dashboard that solely contains posts from people you've turned on post notifications for, and when i click the link in the messages it opens it within the tumblr app, so the tumblr app also has a secret second dashboard for post notification blogs, and the only way to access it is to open the link for it within the app.

i literally love tumblr

Avatar

the way tumblr has functions.

the way i spent a good five minutes debating the pros and cons of clicking the link for fear of getting rick rolled

OKAY BUT SAME

WHY IS THIS R E A L

so I started rereading GtN (as one does) and was struck by this passage where from the very beginning of the book, Gideon positions herself as more important to Harrow than the Locked Tomb:

cut to the pool scene and Gideon learns that not only does Harrow love the corpse of the Locked Tomb, but that the corpse of the Locked Tomb was, in all her silent sleep, able to convince Harrow to live in a way Gideon's (loud, active, constant) existance in her life was never able to

and I think that is really, like, when Gideon truly starts her sort of... backslide wrt her perception of her relationship with Harrow -- like, at this point in the story in the pool, she's already well along in her corruption arc into the "Perfect Cavalier". BUT like, we know from being inside Harrow's head that Harrow would break herself and her duty in order to hold onto Gideon. she would & she did!!!! which is!!! something that Gideon KNOWS at the beginning of GtN but then forgets/is convinced out of, entierly unintentionally, but to the point where by the time she comes back in HtN she has a totally reversed perception of how Harrow feels. leading to, of course, this:

anyway.

Avatar

no you're sooo right about this and I think we're all so in love with the pool scene because of the lesbian catharsis it brings that we miss the fact that it is not entirely a good scene for them! especially for gideon! in some ways it's the moment when they actually begin to recognize one another past their own self-inflicted shame, and in that way they do begin to see one another as equals. but on the other side of the coin, i think it marks a transition in their relationship in terms of how gideon thinks of her purpose. i never realized how discomfiting the bit is where harrow confesses being in love w the body--staring not at gideon but through her, confessing her love for a corpse. I think in that moment something clicked for gideon--the thing she later references in her conversation with ianthe. harrow told her about the body and gideon went "oh, she can't love me, not like that." and I think cavalierhood was the immediate and best way for gideon to remain essential in harrow's life! the most important thing to her is ALWAYS being important to harrow, having her full attention. oh, you decided to live because of that corpse? well how about I save your life by dying for you? try forgetting about me now.

i feel like no one really wants to hear that sleep/exercise/nutrition/hydration are major factors in treating mental health issues bc we’ve all talked to that person who thinks your depression would be cured by one good session of goat yoga or whatever but unfortunately they do help and i’m chronically annoyed about it