adhd life is like. losing your phone and legitimately checking in the freezer because its 100% plausible you accidentally put it in there while looking for food earlier

My favorite type of characters are “they’re not dumb but they are a dumbass”

Characters with enough intellect and common sense to clearly and easily grasp that something is a Bad Idea, but with enough chaotic dumbass energy to decide they gotta just go ahead with it anyway are on point.

every day i hear about things and im sick of it

ADHD: Throws shit everywhere, room becomes messy within at least two days of cleaning it

ADHD: Now I can't focus because everything is everywhere

adhd things

- sitting down to do work and suddenly it’s been an hour and you still haven’t done anything - only being able to watch 30 seconds of a youtube video before moving on to the next one that looks interesting - what did i need from my bedroom again? - why did i just unlock my phone? what did i need to do? - (also unlocking your phone and getting distracted by 30 other things and not doing what you set out to do) - there isn’t this one specific easy to make thing in the fridge so i guess i can’t eat - this paragraph is too long and all the words are blending together  - “stop bouncing your leg it’s annoying” - “but everyone does [insert symptom here]”

*something goes wrong*

my inner self: *rides my horse into the woods and cries under a willow tree*

Gerard Way

so today my dad was telling us about his high school days and how he was this cool popular dude and how he would make everyone laugh and how everyone wanted to talk to him and how he got invited to all the good parties and told us cool stories. what cool stories am i going to tell my kids i legit have none i cant just say “hey when i was your age i would spend my time crying over tv shows and screaming whenever two grown ass men looked at each other and reading about said men falling in love in every way possible while listening to mcr” what kind of parent would that make me

When people ask me what my favorite song is im just like??? can you be more specific??? favorite right now??? most listened to??? top 10??? what i listen to at different times??? what i listen to when im sad?? when im happy??? be more specific goddammit 

when it comes to houseplants, i keep a kill count 

i don’t know who phil lester is leave me alone

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

I literally can picture this 😂

Them: “I think you should turn it down a bit in 2019.” Me:

Them: “But ….” 

Me:

So this blanket I was crocheting? It’s done. It’s three feet by five, and it weighs fifteen pounds. It’s nearly an inch thick. I hope my brother and his wife appreciate this monstrosity.  

It is a very simple, very dense, very warm blanket. 

Guys, chochet is not hard. I learned how to crochet in the bed of a moving pickup truck. You can do this. If you want to make a big heavy blanket, just get some bulky yarn and go to work. You don’t have to count stitches or anything, so you can marathon netflix while you do. I made you a very basic tutorial on how to do this stitch. It’s super easy. Pardon my everything, I’m eating a cough drop and it’s 2 am. 

The blanket was well received! My brother’s wife apparently hasn’t slept in bed since they got it because she keeps accidentally taking 10+ hour “naps” under the blanket on the couch after ER shifts. My brother says it feels both extremely warm and also ballistic-proof.

I started with knitting and for some reason, despite multiple attempts, crochet still hasn’t clocked for me. So I vicariously enjoy other people’s crochet.

I’ve tried to knit and it hasn’t worked out super well for me. What I like most about crochet is that a lot of stitches don’t require any sort of counting (or at least not beyond one-loop two-loop) so you don’t have to be thinking much about you’re doing. You mostly just match yourself to the work you’ve already done, which makes it easy to do while watching a movie or talking to someone. That’s a big bonus for my easily distracted brain!

Me going into endgame knowing full well that all my faves are dying:

Me coming out of endgame when all my faves are dead: