Damn, I'm good⚡️⚡️⚡️

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

Officer Grayson: *arrests Jason for whatever, probably annoying him on the job.* *He leads him away in handcuffs*

Jason: wait. Is that Tim?

Dick: omg it's Timmy!

Tim, on a date with Bernard:

Bernard: ... Why are that cop and the guy he arrested banging on the window and waving at us?

Tim: *dead inside*

I like to think that whenever Tim and Jason patrol together people call them Robin Hood.

Like-

And, even better, Tim and Jason don't care.

I love this

The Dichotomy of Grayson

"Dick was the happy Robin!" Yeah. Sometimes. "Dick was the angry, feral Robin!" That too! "Dick only has sex in committed relationships!" Mostly? "Dick sleeps with strangers." He's been known to. "Dick is a cheater!" Well, yeah, I guess, but let's not open that box tonight. "Dick was fired from Robin!", "No, Dick quit.", "No, it was you can't fire me, I quit!" Depends on the day really. Look, the character has been around a loooong time. You can justify just about any take on the character you want to write and back it up with canon text.

There are just a few rock solid character traits. 1) Dick believes that he can make the difference. Not a difference - THE difference. 2) Dick will prove to you that's the case, so don't count him out. 3) He loves love. He's cononically all about love and hope. That man LOVES powerfully, passionately, and completely. It's the character's greatest strength and weakness. That's why so many people interpret him as somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Why should color, creed, species, or gender make a difference to that kind of love?

pov: you revealed your secret identity to catwoman last night

damian: mother spoke to me today, said grandfather has been cherishing drake’s spleen?

duke: tim… you have a spleen right?

tim: …

duke: right?…

tim: it’s been displaced at the moment..

dick: tim! you need that!

tim: i’ll be fine.

jason: you literally won’t.

Recent discourse reminds me of that cult indoctrination trick that's often used to weed out more difficult marks early on, where they tell you all that you aren't allowed to eat rice on Tuesdays and then if you protest they go "wow SOMEBODY likes rice a little much huh" as if you're the fucking weirdo who cares too much about how much rice is consumed between Monday and Wednesday instead of them.

And this forces you to decide whether your autonomy matters to you more than the approval of the group - while they'll still act like you're on thin ice either way, if you give in at this point they know you're theirs forever, because now they've established a foothold, you've shown a moral weakness, which they will brand you with so it can be used against you in the future ("hey RICE-addict here doesn't want help break into the city records office") to force you to double-down and isolate you further.

And if instead you do decide to push back further, after your abrupt departure from the group ("You're seriously leaving us over RICE?!? Seriously?") and subsequent ostracism, you can then be used as a demonstration to the others who were more pliable, of how the outgroup is full of people like you who are obsessed with violating the No-Tuesday-Rice rule to the point where they'll abandon all their friends, who cared so much for them, so it clearly isn't an arbitrary restriction, you're the kind of monster these rules are intended to protect them from, thus all the other wise and esoteric precepts of the charismatic leader are implied to be equally justified.

This isn't just for cults either! Shitty partners, bosses, friends - they all do variants of this where if you kick back the first time they make an unreasonable request, it proves you weren't ever committed since you'd let such a small thing ruin everything. And of course, if it's the third or the tenth unreasonable thing they ask of you, it's SUCH A SMALL THING to be a deal-breaker at this late point in your relationship!

“Bruce wouldn’t call his kids any cutesy nicknames y’all are cringe” first of all Bruce canonically refers to children as “honey” and “sweetheart” as BATMAN, so, close your mouth, monster breath

Second of all, Thomas Wayne called him everything from “Bunny, honey, sweetheart, baby, bambino, sweetie” to “Gumdrop, honeybee, amore, babe, “ and you can die trying to take it away from me

Dick is already "chum", but I can also see Bruce calling him "birdie" or being the originator of "pretty bird".

Barbara is "my dear".

Jason is "baby boy", no matter how much he yells about hating it.

Tim is "darling", which started as an in-joke about the way socialites talk to him and Bruce, but is now just what they call each other.

Steph is "bestie" bc Bruce 100% learned GenZ slang and horrifies Steph with it at every chance. High pitch intonation and all.

Cass is "butterfly", bc she deserves to be called something nice.

Duke is "sunshine" for self-evident reasons.

Kate gets "sweetheart", also part-ironically but with genuine warmth.

When Bruce calls Damian "habibi" out of costume, they're going to snuggle and watch a movie - in costume, he's about to start running for his life.

nobody does it better than the stardew valley chicken

lets goooooo little dude you know exactly whats going on

He be slaying tho

I JUST CHECKED THIS IS REAL IM SCREAMING

When you’ve spent 92 years on this earth with the name “Dick Van Dyke” and you’re only just now hearing the dumbest possible joke about it.

Red hood : if you don’t tell what I want to know I’ll put a bullet in your skull

Criminal: Go ahead kill me I ain’t scared to die!

Robin: we can glue a jar full of rats to your stomach and blow torch the end so they only way they can escape by eating your stomach and crawl in your guts

Criminal and red hood: what the fuck-

best way to solve Jason and the bats impasse:

Jason's allowed to kill, but only on his territory.

He doesn't go after the rogues in Arkham, because they're under incarceration and it would've been unfair to go after them while they're paying for their crimes, but if they escape and enter his territory? That's fair game, the only rogue he'll go after outside of his territory is the Joker, but the bats have a Joker-Red Hood protocol, where in a Joker breakout, they send Cass to hold Jason back while they get him back locked up.

For Jason to get more territory he has to send a letter with every citizen in the block/street's signature, no threatening involved, which is easier to get than the bats might think.

They can't lock Jason up because he's too dangerous to be put with the average criminals and if they send him to Arkham, he'll definitely take the chance to kill some rogues mid breakout. He also threatened to rat everyone else out.

They'll have family dinners every fortnight and everyone goes to mandatory bat approved therapy sessions at least once a month.

These fox skulls I got from this dude on eBay are so greasy I'm convinced that he put extra grease on them. I think he Criscoed these bad boys.

STOP LAUGHING AT ME THEY'RE SO GREASY I WAS PROMISED NO GREASE

1.) I KNOW how greasy animal skulls are before you clean em. He just said he was gonna degrease these, is why I'm so upset by the grease.

2.) They were shipped all together loosey goosey in a Save A Lot bag that was

3.) PACKED IN LOOSE OWEN CORNINGS FIBERGLASS INSULATION.

And when I messaged him about it, he was like, "You're insane, man, these bones aren't even that greasy at all and customers all around the world love me for my fiberglass insulation."

Not trying to start drama in the eBay packing materials fandom again, but why were THESE shipped to me in hospital scrubs???

Prescription bottle full of teeth in the mail yesterday. It never fucking ends.

Dick, pointing to Jason's photo : This is Jason. He was our brother. He liked literature and was very good at school. People would've told you he was violent but he was the sweetest and would've never been on the wrong side.

Damian, who has seen Jason training in the League of Assasins to commit homicide and probably mass genocide in Gotham : Okay

(everybody is okay)