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What the fuck ever floats my boat

@captainprissyprincess

if people would stop perceiving me as real that'd be great
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Nico laughing echoes with the sound of bones rattling

Hand Annabeth a few strands of thick thread while she speaks and in seconds she'll have woven the strongest rope imaginable

When Piper speaks, you swear you can hear the voices of all those you love in her words

As the sun shines on Will, his blond hair catches his father's light creating such a bright illuminance that it's impossible to look at him without squinting

When Thalia and Jason stand in a storm, self created or natural, their eyes flash with each lightning bolt that shoots through the sky

Look at Hazel for too long and you'll soon see the ghostly outline of her skull

To know what Percy is feeling, you'll only have to look at the sea around him. The ocean tells what his face does not

There's a quiet strength in Leo, if he's not careful he could crush solid metal as if it were merely clay

Frank does not need to shout to be heard, if he wished, he could speak only in a whisper and everyone would hear his words as if they'd been spoken directly in your ear. You cannot ignore War

The demigods bleed the deep red of humanity, mortality. But, their blood also holds a slight shimmer, a hint of ichor. Because no matter how human they seem, no part of them can ever hide that they are of the divine.

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hacash

consider this: given how much the hobbits are said to love legalese and documentation, I think when the shirriffs tried to arrest Frodo and company on their return Frodo should have just refused on the basis that they have no official proof that he is, in fact, Frodo Baggins

Head Shirriff: sir several times in the past half hour your companions have referred to you as Frodo’, ‘Mister Frodo’, or ‘Frodo Baggins’

Frodo: please, that’s circumstantial evidence at best

Head Shirriff: I’ve lived in Hobbiton for 50 years; I literally recognise you as Frodo Baggins

Frodo: yeah, but you’re clearly a biased witness. that wouldn’t stand up in a court of law, and I for one am very insulted by this slander that I look like Frodo Baggins

Head Shirriff: *vague whimpering noises*

Merry: Honestly, what is the Shire coming to when any respectable hobbit can be accused of the scandal of being Frodo Baggins?

Robin Smallburrow, having the most fun he’s had in over a year: clearly the only way to settle this is to get the proper documentation in order. sir, do you happen to have any certification proving that you are Frodo Baggins?

Frodo: sadly I don’t.

Robin Smallburrow: well I did the best I could

this post is being reblogged again so consider this: Sam, Merry and Pippin all pull an ‘I’m Spartacus’ and all claim to be Frodo Baggins, but of course the shirriffs can’t arrest them all because they only have one warrant for one Frodo Baggins’ arrest.

the chief shirriff bursts into tears

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c-53

imagine going to a house party and ask to go to the bathroom and like theres a dark souls silver knight guarding a chest in there. and like you ask him to not look but he doesn’t respond at all. He’s not like agro, or staring at you with intent, but he’s FULLY aware of your presence and watching you like you intend to steal

Really enjoying the bathroom knight rp

Incredible Stuff. Based.

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rhube

Love that the car at the back is like 'WTF is wrong with these losers? I'm gonna overtake!' Then it see the baby swans and it like, 'Oh! My bad.' And pulls in again.

I find swan parenting so interesting and relatable. Although they’re closely related to ducks, their strategies are entirely different. A mother duck is usually typified by being “careless” with her babies, meaning that she just goes wherever without consideration for them, and they struggle to keep up; ducks don’t really comprehend what terrain or situations are inaccessible for ducklings, so you’ll often see a mother duck carelessly using stairs, or flying off a building or cliff, while her babies literally die trying to follow. Ducks aren’t noted for their situational awareness, but this is really shocking to watch in the case of Mama Duck. She doesn’t usually check behind her, can’t manage them through complex situations, and gives no impression of even having any idea of how many babies she has (that’s why it’s a good thing she often has 14 in babies a clutch, and can pull off 2 clutches a year; in the wild, most of these are expected to die, as a sort of background protein link in the food web.) (On a farmyard, you might give them to a broody hen to raise, as they’ll have a more attentive parent that way.)

Swans, by contrast, take two parents about a year to raise about seven babies, and they RAISE them. They’re very attentive and conscious of their children’s safety. Even in this short video you can see that one parent is leading the children while the other keeps an eye on the card, using body language to communicate with partner and cars. The straight fixed glare at the car not only gives the swan a better look, but is also the polite first indication that the swan wants space (blowing past this signal is one reason why human/swan interactions quickly become antagonistic.) they’re walking very slowly and deliberately, which (unintentionally) forces the cars to treat them like pedestrians, but is an unusually slow pace aimed at making it very easy for the very young babies to follow properly.

I don’t know. I just like swans. I like their confidence in the human world, and their firm belief that everyone can follow the Swan Rules and behave properly if they try. I like that they relate to us and therefore have expectations that we’ll follow Swan Rules. They cross at the crosswalk because that’s what is Done and they expect everyone to respect how things are Done. In every post about swans on social media there will always be several comments about how swans are violent and it will always be down to: “they expect us to know how things are Done, and get mad when we don’t.”

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Oh yeah there's a part 2 of the horse desensitizing that I love.

🐎: Hey what's with that tiny predator, the one you're hold- WOAH WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS IT UP SO HIGH

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teaboot

Never in my life have I seen all cat so clearly thrilled to be swung about like a ferret

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One of the kids I’m babysitting rn just asked me, “Miss Amy, can I tell you a secret?” and then informed me that his brother does not have blood anymore, because they saw a doctor take it

Same kid that attended this Sunday’s church service in full vampire bat costume and screeched loudly anytime someone said his name

Update his two year old brother just handed me a partially squished cockroach

Today’s secret is “if I carry too many things, I die,” and he definitely, for sure did not tell me that specifically because I asked him to pick up his jacket moments beforehand

“Where’s the tiger?” the five year old asks, peering around the zoo. “I don’t see him!”

“Probably he had to get his covid shot,” says the three year old, nodding wisely.

How could I possibly forget this exchange

“You can’t play with my skunk,” says the three year old, snatching the toy from the five year old. “Mr. Skunk doesn’t like you.”

“Whoa, whoa,” I say, while driving. “Mr. Skunk likes everyone!”

The three year old makes direct eye contact with me in the rear view mirror. “Except the police,” he says darkly.

Overwhelmed! When the five year old learned that I’m having a bad day today, he immediately asked me to take him home so he can “get us a snack and help with whatever you want to do today.”

The three year old has offered to carry all the backpacks into the house, despite his former statements re: dying if asked to carry his own belongings

Today the two year old stole the headphones I always wear, put them on upside down, and ran away yelling “hi Babydoll!” over and over, which is in fact how I greet him. I did not come here to be roasted by a toddler

I recently put a purple streak in my hair! The three year old says that he loves it. He says he loves my brown hair too, because it’s beautiful. I feel very loved and I am going to bake him cookies about it

The three year old has covid (he’s okay), so I won’t be seeing the children this week :(

Here's another story from last week instead:

“Do you want to come make paper airplanes?” the five year old asks. “I have a book that teaches you how.”

“Sure,” I say, following him upstairs. “I like paper airplanes.”

“It’ll be easy for you,” the five year old assures me, “because you can-- wait. Can you read?”

The three year old has recovered <3

He’s also a little confused by the phrase “playing a trick,” so if he suspects I’m teasing him, he’ll point and yell “you’re tricking!” instead

Today he told me that I’m “always tricking…… kind of like satan”

I have never in my life laughed this hard

Hi! This may actually be the last update on this post because I’m moving cities soon, but with that in mind I have some things to add:

  1. The five year old and the three year old both have separate imaginary friends with the same name, which is Speed. They differentiate between Speeds solely by saying “my Speed” or “his Speed.” Yes, it does get confusing
  2. The three year old’s Speed has a tragic backstory! His childhood home got destroyed by a meteor when he was very young. He also has some level of magical power, which he uses to resurrect himself whenever he dies, which happens often, sometimes at the three year old’s hand
  3. When I asked the three year old about his Speed’s resurrection powers, he told me that yes, Speed does knows how to come back to life; Speed does not, however, enjoy coming back to life (because he knows that he will die again, over and over)
  4. Their dad is a general contractor, which means that all three toddlers have a really intense relationship with building blocks and also a working knowledge of construction law, which means that I (an attorney) do live a life where every once in awhile I ask a five year old if he’s building skyscrapers and he tells me no, they’re not zoned for commercial
  5. Last time I babysat for them, the three year old let me know that they have a new member of their household! Now I did assume this had something to do with their very pregnant mother, but I was wrong— the new member is a third Speed who belongs, of course, to the two year old. His Speed does not, to my knowledge, resurrect
  6. Their baby sister was born two hours after that :)

How old does the sister have to be before she gets a Speed

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cornsnoot

we could go back to telegraphs instead of social media. send your mutuals unspeakable strings of morse code at 4:30am

.- …. …. …. …. …. / ..-. . .-.. .-.. / -.. --- .-- -. / .- -. -.. / -… .-. --- -.- . / -- -.-- / .--. . -. .. - … / - --- -.. .- -.-- / -.-- . --- .-- -.-. …. / --- ..- -.-. …. / -.-- --- ..- -.-. …. -.-.-- -.-.-- -.-.-- -.-.-- / … . -. - / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- -.-- / - . .-.. . --. .-. .- .--. ….

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kaijutegu

personally i prefer semaphore

so prefacing this with the fact that I know that the fun is sorta taken out of this by me translating, but not everyone will have the energy to look it up themselves, so I figured I'd help out.

Morse code: AEEEEE FELL DOWN AND TROKE MY PENIT TODAY YEOWCE OUCH YOUCH!!!! SENT FROM MY TELEGRAPH

Semaphore: NO NOT YOUR PENITS

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5 simple exercises to awaken dormant muscles

I appreciate this video a lot--people don't realize how important it is to start slow if you're trying to come back from a completely sedentary lifestyle, and they get really hurt as a result. Straining your muscles too much, too suddenly can land you in the E.R. and the wrong joint injury can permanently affect your mobility, so please start with absolute basics and easy stretches!