Avatar

The cricket you can't find that won't shut up

@captainofsalt

20 any pronouns, they/them, ey/em, and xe/xem are nice tho, I'm queer and disabled so be kind to each other or die by my blade

Lemmings don’t jump off of cliffs unless they’re being chased. Frogs don’t stay in boiling water unless they’ve been lobotomized first. Crabs don’t pull each other back into the bucket unless they are desperately and randomly grabbing for anything to try to get themselves out, out of fear for their lives.

Actions taken in specific, negative conditions don’t exemplify the nature of all beings.

Before you mock a sheep for staying with the flock, ask what dogs nip at its heels when it strays too far, and what wolves wait just beyond the edge of the pasture.

Found Part 2

Civilian doesn’t like trouble, but they also don’t like dead bodies, and the body they just found is very close to being dead.

CW: medical care, waking up somewhere unfamiliar, flashbacks, discomfort with body, loss of people, vague suicidal idea, I’m not sure what else so please let me know.

~

Villain woke to an overload of sensations. Hot and cold, numb and agonised. His mouth was dry and his stomach panged both hungry and sick, and worst of all he felt scattered, his mind here and there, unable to settle itself inside his body and connect the dots together.

Opening his eyes was impossible, so he took a moment to calm down, to breath, to remember where he was and-

Where was he? More importantly how was he even alive to wonder that?

As Villain became more present in his body he could feel the firmness of bandages around his limbs, cradling the pain just a little, something soft and slightly too warm draped over him. He can’t be home, that was no longer a place that existed, but then where?

Slowly, painfully so, Villain forced his eyes open. The world blurred and spun at first and it took everything in him not to retreat back into unconsciousness. He blinked until he could see the off white ceiling above him, the top of the couch that he was laid on. His brows knitted together and he lowered his gaze as much as he could down to his body. His movements were fumbling and it was an effort to grab the blanket on top of him and pull it off. It didn’t up being more of a drag, his arm simple collapsing back down with the cloth in its grasp.

Looking at his own body was uncomfortable, each bruise, each cut bringing back a flashing memory with it. Villain took in a breath, looked back up at the ceiling.

It was then a faint sound came into his awareness. He didn’t know what it was at first, some time of inconsistent tapping. The frown creased his features again and he turned his head, an exhausting motion, and looked to the rest of the lounge room.

A couple of metres away a person sat in an armchair, their feet propped up onto the coffee table and a laptop balanced in their lap.

Villain’s body reacted on an instinct that was cut short with agony. He tried to shoot up, and was choked by his ribs screaming, the stitches on his torso pulling. Villain gasped, coughed, regretted everything. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Civilian said, not looking up from their computer.

Villain did not listen, why would he? He kept trying, pushing through the pain and not getting very far. Civilian sighed, closed their laptop and placed it on the coffee table when they stood, before striding over to him.

“You need to lay down,” they said, reaching out to push on his shoulder.

Villain snatched up their wrist.

“Who do you think you are to tell me what to do?” He snapped, trying once again but they reach out with their other hand and placed it firmly on his shoulder. If he were in any other state, he had a mind to break it.

“I’m the person who saved your life,” they said, effortlessly pulling their wrist free and used both hands to ease him back down. “And if you undo all my hard work I am going to be very upset.”

Villain fumed. He had no strength to fight against them as they forced him back down and the sheer audacity made his jaw tighten.

“And who exactly would you be,” he ground out.

Villain didn’t try and get back up, but not because Civilian told him to.

“My name is Civilian,” they said. “You’re in my apartment, I found you outside in the alleyway.”

No matter how hard he tried Villain couldn’t remember how he got there. Everything was mostly a blur of panic and pain and so much blood. He had honestly prepared himself to die that day, had thought he had.

Villain focussed his attention on to Civilian, eyed them over, the lack of fear, the concern.

“Do you know who I am?” Villain asked.

“Yes,” Civilian said.

Villain’s brows rose, then knitted emotions shifting and twisting.  

“And you helped me? What kind of madman would do that?”

Civilian shrugged. “You were hurt, you needed help, not much more to it then that.”

“You expect anyone to believe that?”

They crossed their arms.

“It’s not a lie,” they said.

“So you just help war criminals?” Villain said, “is that what good Samaritans are these days?”

“Technically helping a person regardless of who they are is in fact what makes a good Samaritan, however that’s not what you are saying.”

Civilian stepped back until they sat on the coffee table.

“I wouldn’t exactly call you a war criminal either, that would mean we are at war.”

“Aren’t we?” Villain asked.

Civilian eyed them, shrugged.

Despite Villain’s distrust they could see no lie in them, no mask to find a crack in. This person, however unlikely, helped them purely because they could and that boggled Villain a little.

“Then I assume the heroes are on their way here to collect me?” He said, poking and prodding.

Civilian scoffed at that, a bitter distaste in their expression that surprised Villain.

“I wouldn’t call those oafs for a lost puppy. They’d probably kill it trying to find it.”

Villain subdued a laugh, both for his ribs and reputation.

“So what then, you just plan on nursing me back to health and sending me on my merry way?”

Civilian narrowed their eyes.

“You’re sounding like you don’t appreciate the fact that I saved your life. Would you have rather I left you to die?”

Villain did not answer. No, maybe, no of course not but where did that leave him? Alone and incapacitated in a city not his own, his organisation in tattered scrambles if not all but destroyed by now. How pitiful is that? Alone and taken in by a random stranger, stuck and helpless.

Civilian sighed, “look, obviously something horrible happened to you and you’re stressed and scared.”

“I’m not scared,” Villain said sharper then intended.  

Civilian looked at him with an expression soft and serious. One that looked knowing, like it could see through the layers of masks and glamour he had over himself, right into the terrified little core. His smile faded, jaw tightened.

“I’m not scared,” Villain repeated a little less convincing. “I can come back from this.”

“I’m sure you can,” Civilian said. “But before you can you need to rest and heal. How about we take a break from this interrogation and get you some water and food?”

The sensations of hunger and thirst and bodily exhaustion re-emerged with a vengeance and Villain felt dizzy.

“If you let me, I will help you sit up.”

Villain repelled at the thought.

“I don’t need your help.”

“It’s that or I help you through a straw.”

Villain liked that less.

“Fine,” Villain said.

Civilian got up off the coffee table and step forward, ever so gently grabbing Villain and helping him into a seated position. It took time and effort and many sharp breaths from Villain, but they eventually got there and Villain felt dizzy, as if sitting on top of a sky scraper rather then a couch. And it only got worse when Civilian’s hand left his side, like the very ground itself was opening up and swallowing him. Villain took a breath, closed his eyes.

“You ok?”

Villain opened his eyes to Civilian standing in front of him again, a glass of water in their hands. He opened his mouth to speak but the words tumbled together as his entire attention span zeroed in on the glass. Civilian helped bring it to his mouth while Villian mostly just held onto it pretneding he was strong enough to hold it up.

The water stung against his lips, but the cool sensation against his raw throat made up for it. He downed the glass, some of the dizziness easing, a small amount of relief spreading through his body. Civilian went and refilled the glass and Villain drank that one almost as fast.

“That’s all I’m giving you for now, don’t want to overdo it.”

Villain wanted to disagree but what power did he have in that moment to change anything? Civilian could do whatever and he would have no choice.

“Is there anyone I can contact for you?” Civilian asked as they returned to the lounge room.

Many names and numbers came to mind, but as each appeared Villain crossed them off. Dead, gone, betrayed, dead, dead, dead. Villain reached the end of the list, not a single name left.

“No,” Villain said. It came out quieter then he wanted, but in that moment he couldn’t care less.   

Civilian watched him, and Villain wanted to think his face was a blank slate, neutral or stoic anything other then what he knew it was. Pathetic.

“I’m sorry,” Civilian said.

Rage flared. “I don’t want your pity,” Villain snapped.

“You don’t have it,” Civilian snapped back. “You have my sympathy, or empathy or whatever, I can’t remember which is which. Losing people hurts, its simple fact.”

Villain’s instinct was to cross his arms, put up a shield and ignore the statement but he couldn’t and that left him feeling exposed.

“Who are you really? Is this some sort of ploy by the Heroes?” Villain said. He looked around, “put me in some dingy apartment to lower my guard or whatever.”

Civilian raised a brow. “Would that work?”

Villain glared.

“I am not in the mood for games.”

“And I am not playing a game,” Civilian said. “Look this isn’t the most convenient thing for me. I didn’t plan to have a homicidal asshole in my apartment but here we are, you can either accept my help or drag yourself out the door because I am not picking you up again.”

They stood and, before Villain could snap something back, went into the kitchen. Villain heard the fridge door open, the crack of a container before being shoved into a microwave.

They were right, he needed help and he couldn’t even leave by himself if he wanted to, which he did. He had no one to turn to, heroes hunting him and nothing but a random civilian who had the heart to not let him die. Perhaps, just for a little while, he will put up with this pathetic situation.

Civilian walked back in once again, still looking a little sour but none the less they plucked a cushion off the arm chair and shoved it into Villain’s lap before placing a plate of food on top. The smell of food made his mouth water instantly and it took everything within him not to shovel the steaming pile into his mouth. Instead, he looked up at them.

“What is this?”

“Reheated chicken and vegetable bake, you need to eat.”

“It smells awful,” Villain said even though it absolutely didn’t. It smelled like the best thing he had ever smelt.

When Villain looked up Civilian was trying to cover a smile, failed, and instead turned and disappeared behind the couch again.

Villain poked at the food with the fork, shifting it around watching more steam roll out. He stabbed a piece of chicken, raised it up to blow on it. The motion hurt but not nearly enough to deter him from the food. Even a bite of chicken made everything feel a little easier, like he was a little more alive.

The rest of the night went awkwardly. Eventually Villain had to lay back down, the act of sitting too much of a strain, and he had regrettably denied help, jarring his ribs on the way down. It took a good few minute for that spike of pain to subside, for his breath to come back fully.

Civilian checked his wounds later, their hands gentle and skilled. A random stranger who had taken first aid classes, how convenient.

 ~

 Tag lists

@waddlethepenguin

If you want to be added to the tag list or any other tag list including my Masterlist, please let me know. 

Sorry if my writing isn’t as good at the moment, brain doing the brain things 

I HATE THIS also like half the bitches (affectionate) on this site are autistic. Taking the Queer Autistic Website and CHANGING IT so completely and without giving the option to change it back has RUINED it i HAD muscle memory for this site but now it's gone and I am in sensory hell !

i had three fic ideas.  wrote one.  i still have three fic ideas.  this is not how math is supposed to work.

can this post please back up it’s too close to home

I had five ideas, I wrote two, now I have seven

Listen. They’re called “plot bunnies” for a reason, and it’s not just because they hop around all over your brain demanding attention.

🎶99 fanfic ideas on my blog

99 fanfic ideas~

Take one down, pass it around

137 fanfic ideas on my blog🎶

Avatar

this post walked into my house and kicked in my ribs

For anyone who ever asked me where ideas come from. They creep in and breed when you’re making something else.

Avatar

baby rabbits have no idea what they doin. they just be boinging around. they're like "mother I have springs in my feets- oh no" [accidentally propels to the moon]

Ohh THAT'S how rabbits ended up on the moon

Avatar

Rabbit mother dialing phone: Yes hello miss Chang'e? You have one of mine again.

the concept of platonic marriage is so appealing ngl. you mean i can marry whoever i want, get tax benefits and a roommate AND i don't have to worry about them thinking i'm unattractive? king shit

this post is a year and a half old and it's literally so funny to me. im aromantic now.

Avatar

I think you were aromantic then, too.

Avatar

my heart fell out while i was on a walk through the forest and it got covered in pine needles and then an osprey picked it up but she dropped it in the sea and the fish ate a hole straight through it before it was washed ashore and when i found it again chamomiles were growing in the cavity. i put it back inside of me and now the world seems stranger and more beautiful than ever

I’m torn between “great poetry” and “reblog to give OP antibiotics”

Shein is going down for being an organized criminal organization. Actors and Writers are striking. Student Loan debt relief may actually go through after all. Jack Smith is closing in on Trump, and all signs point to him dying in prison. Billionares are dying in ignoble and humiliating ways. Please God keep this ball rolling, it almost feels like the first taste of justice in about as long as I can remember.

You know what I realize that people underestimate with Pride & Prejudice is the strategic importance of Jane.

Because like, I recently saw Charlotte and Elizabeth contrasted as the former being pragmatic and the latter holding out for a love match, because she's younger and prettier and thinks she can afford it, and that is very much not what's happening.

The Charlotte take is correct, but the Elizabeth is all wrong. Lizzie doesn't insist on a love match. That's serendipitous and rather unexpected. She wants, exactly as Mr. Bennet says, someone she can respect. Contempt won't do. Mr. Bennet puts it in weirdly sexist terms like he's trying to avoid acknowledging what he did to himself by marrying a self-absorbed idiot, but it's still true. That's what Elizabeth is shooting for: a marriage that won't make her unhappy.

She's grown up watching how miserable her parents make one another; she's not willing to sign up for a lifetime of being bitter and lonely in her own home.

I think she is very aware, in refusing Mr. Collins, that it's reasonably unlikely that anyone she actually respects is going to want her, with her few accomplishments and her lack of property. That she is turning down security and the chance keep the house she grew up in, and all she gets in return may be spinsterhood.

But, crucially, she has absolute faith in Jane.

The bit about teaching Jane's daughters to embroider badly? That's a joke, but it's also a serious potential life plan. Jane is the best creature in the world, and a beauty; there's no chance at all she won't get married to someone worthwhile.

(Bingley mucks this up by breaking Jane's heart, but her prospects remain reasonable if their mother would lay off!)

And if Elizabeth can't replicate that feat, then there's also no doubt in her mind that Jane will let her live in her house as a dependent as long as she likes, and never let it be made shameful or awful to be that impoverished spinster aunt. It will be okay never to be married at all, because she has her sister, whom she trusts absolutely to succeed and to protect her.

And if something eventually happens to Jane's family and they can't keep her anymore, she can throw herself upon the mercy of the Gardeners, who have money and like her very much, and are likewise good people. She has a support network--not a perfect or impregnable one, but it exists. It gives her realistic options.

Spinsterhood was a very dangerous choice; there are reasons you would go to considerable lengths not to risk it.

But Elizabeth has Jane, and her pride, and an understanding of what marrying someone who will make you miserable costs.

That's part of the thesis of the book, I would say! Recurring Austen thought. How important it is not to marry someone who will make you, specifically, unhappy.

She would rather be a dependent of people she likes and trusts than of someone she doesn't, even if the latter is formally considered more secure; she would rather live in a happy, reasonable household as an extra than be the mistress of her own home, but that home is full of Mr. Collins and her mother.

This is a calculation she's making consciously! She's not counting on a better marriage coming along. She just feels the most likely bad outcome from refusing Mr. Collins is still much better than the certain outcome of accepting him. Which is being stuck with Mr. Collins forever.

Elizabeth is also being pragmatic. Austen also endorses her choice, for the person she is and the concerns she has. She's just picking different trade-offs than Charlotte.

Elizabeth's flaw is not in her own priorities; she doesn't make a reckless choice and get lucky. But in being unable to accept that Charlotte's are different, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with Charlotte.

Because realistically, when your marriage is your whole family and career forever, and you only get to pick the ones that offer themselves to you, when you are legally bound to the status of dependent, you're always going to be making some trade-offs.

😂 Even the unrealistically ideal dream scenario of wealthy handsome clever ethical Mr. Darcy still asks you to undergo personal growth, accommodate someone else's communication style, and eat a little crow.

an underrated detail in pride and prejudice is that elizabeth bennett was home alone on the day darcy proposed because she had a headache. can you imagine. this was in the pre-painkillers era. you're at home with a headache and then this asshole walks into the room and tells you he loves you and wants to marry you even though he hates your whole family and you're beneath him. imagine having to deal with that while also having a headache. she doesn't even have ibuprofen

literary analysis being posited as this boring grueling penance that only miserable people insist on is very dumb as an idea but its even more dumb to me, the guy who gets so excited about it that he has to clap and pound his fists against the ground and walk in circles at a dizzying speed unbeknownst to man

Avatar

Teachers have tried this and are amazed when their classes don’t go feral like in the book.  It’s almost as if the book was supposed to be satire and not a treaty on the nature of humanity.

there’s a timeskip

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

after losing control of the signal fire there’s a FUCKING TIMESKIP and when the next chapter starts everyone’s hair is several inches longer and their clothes have rotted to shreds and they’re still just kind of chilling!!!!

IT TAKES THE TERRIBLE IMPERIALISM MIND-POISONED EXCESSIVELY BRITISH BOYS IN THE ACTUAL BOOK SEVERAL MONTHS TO COMMIT A SINGLE ACT OF INTENTIONAL VIOLENCE, EVEN THE ONE (1) CHILD WRITTEN AS AN ACTUAL SOCIOPATH

AND then when they DO turn on each other it is because

THERE’S AN UNSPECIFIED WORLD WAR HAPPENING

AND A PILOT’S CORPSE CRASH LANDS ON THE ISLAND POST-DOGFIGHT AND THE CHILDREN MISTAKE THE PARACHUTE FOR A MONSTER AND SPIRAL INTO PARANOIA

BECAUSE CHILDREN INHERIT THE LEGACY AND TRAUMA OF VIOLENCE FROM THE ADULTS WAGING WAR AROUND THEM

HURR DURR IN THE REAL WORLD IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN LIKE IN LORD OF THE FLIES -

IT DIDN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY IN LORD OF THE FLIES EITHER YOU JUST HAVEN’T READ IT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL IF EVER AND DON’T REMEMBER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE GODDAMN BOOK

yes. yes he did. i’m also gonna direct you to the real life ‘lord of the flies’ which occured in the 1960s, when six tongan schoolboys got stranded on a desert island for over a year before being rescued by an australian fisherman (who, it should be noted, later took on all six as crewmembers because the reason they were out in the first place was because they wanted to see the world, and named his ship the Ata after the island they were stranded on). nobody died. the only injuries that occurred were accidental, and when one of the boys broke his leg falling down a cliff, the others braced it and looked after him so well that it healed perfectly. if they argued, then they would literally go to opposite sides of the island until they’d cooled off. after leaving the island, they remained friends for the rest of their lives. here’s a photo of them as adults, with their rescuer (who is third from the left) and other members of his crew.

i read about this in rutger bregman’s human kind, a book i cannot recommend highly enough, but if you don’t want to go and read a whole book about the inherent goodness of humanity (which again, you really should) then the relevant excerpt can be found here.