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I Out-Pizzaed The Hut

@captainoffrustration

helliot they/them 19
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pretty funny i guess

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had to be there

Translation is always tricky, but I remember this slightly different:

Figs were an imported delicacy at the time, and the donkey just managed to eat them (without being given any on purpose). Seeing a donkey eating several times their own value in figs, the philosopher looked to his servant who might have been standing there either in shock, despair, or both, and said something along the lines of “Oh don’t just stand there. Get him some (undiluted) wine to wash the figs down with”. With (undiluted) wine also being an expensive drink.

I feel like that context makes it funnier. Basically like standing in front of your burning mansion with a butler, meeting their eyes, and telling them that you still feel a little chilly and ask them if they could put on an extra log or two.

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This is terrible but today when I was playing volleyball outside with some friends one of their children (18 months) was sort of ambling around on his stumpy little toddler legs and so we were all trying to be careful and like not spike the ball onto the baby but then he wandered over to his father, who picked him up bc dad reflexes, and then the ball got passed over to the dad and he sort of had a no thoughts moment and instinctively used his child to smack the volleyball over to the next person. Like he just swung the kid and used his legs like a baseball bat. I'm never going to forget his face of premature regret mid baby-manuever right when he realized what he was doing AND the instant he realized his wife saw it happen. Anyway the baby was fine he didn't make contact with the ball all that hard and he was just mad his dad wouldn't use him as a club again but I had to sit down because I laughed so hard I cried.

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Sitting up with my elf friend, bleary-eyed and tired, to make sure they don't freak out after they tried the edibles I got from the Shire even though I warned them specifically not to do that

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My elvish friend Nyaglanil, visibly shaking: My heart is racing and I fear, my beloved friend, that I will not live to see another sunrise

Me, crushing my high score in Dwarvish Tetris: I told you not to touch those, dude. I got those from Merimas Brandybuck. It'll be over in, like, a few hours.

My elvish friend Nyaglanil: I c;an't feel my hands

Marlene Dietrich is detained at a train station in Paris in 1933 for violating the ban on women wearing trousers.

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As with all german actors in the 30's, you always gotta check the World War II section of their Wikipedia page. Well im happy to report that Marlene Dietrich was in open opposition to the Nazi regime, and in 1937 donated her entire salary for a film (over 9 million dollars in todays money) to helping Jewish refugees :)