Can You Beelieve It?

the best part about james team rocket is that you can put his face on any pride flag and there’s like a 97% chance it fits

me: “yeah I dated a guy in high school who came out as gay. it was before i knew i was a boy so needless to say it didn’t work out”

coworker: “damn dude was preordering”

other things this coworker (who is a cis guy) has done/said:

—got confused about why I’d never been a boy scout because he forgot i was trans

—told me he was gonna get top surgery scar tattoos to match me after i get mine

—laughs at all my trans jokes, even if they’re supremely unfunny

—calls me big dog (and him little dog) even though he is about as tall as two of me

— “I can’t believe she would say that transphobic thing to you. In June? Pride month?”

wait how could i forget!!!

—heard i was trans when i started working there but thought i was trans in the other direction so got offended on my behalf when he heard people calling me “he/him”

nothing I can say on this blog will be funnier than the things that come from this boy’s brain

media has got to step up it's representation of siblings but also i get why it's so hard to capture the right energy. so many shows are like "mooooom he won't get out of my room" but in reality my brother texts me "what if we pleeked again" and it means he wants to play video games together

Alright. Real big nitpick here. But I don’t like how tumblr mobile doesn’t let me see a photo or video in landscape/sideways mode anymore (?)

It’s really pushing for that ‘mobile vertical view’ that is very much present in all social media. It doesn’t let me pause a video either, it runs very much like tik tok. You now get random posts when you scroll up, again, much like insta/TikTok.

I hate it so much. I don’t like this. @tumblr please— you were unique for ‘not being like other girls’ in social media. Now it’s evolving to exactly that. 😭

Oh, I thought it was just my phone settings. Seriously? How stupid does coding have to be to not flip sideways???

FEMA is doing an emergency alert test on all TVs, radios, and cell phones on October 4, 2023, at approximately 2:20pm ET.

If you live in the US and you have a phone you need to keep secret for any reason, make sure that it is turned off at this time.

Yes, I'm doing this months in advance, and yes, my blog has very little reach, but I figure better to post about it more than less.

Please reblog and add better tags than mine, I'm bad at tags.

Tumblr: No NSFW! You know how it is we banned it because of the bots in 2018!

Also tumblr:

lmao

You know how it is then, folks!

POV you’re the king and i just made an inappropriate joke about your virility in front of the whole royal court and you want to punish me but you can’t react in anger lest the court think my joke is true

thank you all for understanding my vision

I get bitten by mosquitoes so much relative to everyone around me I know that vampires are not real because if they were they would have found me

the age of abstaining is over! the age of devouring has begun

Me in like 5 minutes when the oven timer goes off

disney when they spend exactly $2 promoting their new movie and release it during a busy weekend and then it flops

ALT

@artist-heart83 There is actually a reason for this. A very disgusting and greedy capitalist reason but a reason nonetheless.

Basically, they are banking on it not doing well in theaters, but doing well on streaming services in October, over three months after the release date.

Most of the writers/actors/workers/etc paycheck depends on how well they do in theaters and the three months after the release.

Since it’ll fall in theaters and won’t pick up in streaming until after everyone has gotten (the majority of) their paycheck, they won’t have to pay their workers as much as their work is worth.

cool cool cool im making a molotov cocktail

One of my favorite tricks for designing alien species/cultures is to take a real animal with an interesting lifecycle and think about what that biology would translate to if they had human intelligence

Example: silk moths as a base species

Because the moths themselves don’t eat and only live long enough to mate and then starve to death, the entire culture is made up of children and adolescents. The older children raise the younger ones, with families being made up of hatchmates from different years.

Because molts and eventual transformation into a short lived adult happen on a set schedule, families have a cycle— when your oldest set of siblings cocoon to become adults, you wait at the mating grounds and try to adopt their newborns after they pass. If that fails, you take any ‘orphans’ you can find.

Because death and birth are nearly simultaneous, they have a religion based around reincarnation, and infants with markings similar to a parent are often given their name. Claiming the offspring of a beloved family member is vitally important, because you want to be able to protect their soul and keep them close.

Because it’s hard to track the offspring of your male family members, there are sometimes major fights when a family sees an infant with familiar markings in another family’s clutch.

Between mating seasons, their culture is extremely food-oriented, because everyone is growing and silkworms eat nigh constantly. They spend most of their lives outdoors but sleep and shelter from bad weather in large family dwellings made from wood and the remains of the silk cocoons of prior generations.

everyone is really vibing with the silkworm aliens I see

reminder that corporations don't care about you and they never will

The entirety of the Simpsons is literally on your shitty streaming service you fucking cunts

Anakin murdering toddlers is also on their piece of shit service

The urge to drop everything and everyone, get a ticket and fly somewhere far away and find a small town where no one knows you and get some small menial job and lodgings and cut your hair and change your name and be alone and read the paper and ride a bike every day and eat bread, get called the village weirdo and adopt a weird stray dog that smells bad and have a flip phone and occasionally buy a hardcover book and write a tender but ominous note and send it to someone from you old life to let them know your ok and the get bored and come back to your old life after 16 months like nothing happened and gaslight everyone who asks you where you went.

Fandom was literally created for freaks by freaks. If you can't handle freaks in the freak hobby, then get out.

"fan" is short for "fanatic." it's not only-cares-a-bit-and-not-in-a-weird way-dom.

Yknow tumblr was changing the logo monthly for a little while there. Are they just keeping the one that looks like a period tracker now. It's been there suspiciously long

consider the sperm whale and the squid. an ancient rivalry that dates back millions of years. we know the whales eat the squids. we know the squids do not make it easy for them. we know this because of the scars the whales carry, scars on the outside of their body, and on the inside as well. how badly must you want something to endure wounds inside your mouth? inside your gut?

consider the whale, who is harmed by what sustains her. consider the squid, whose flesh is soft and delicious but refuses to go down easy.

This post is about lactose intolerance I can smell it.

when you are done with a tab you can close it. every browser in the world has a feature that lets you open recently closed tabs. also there is browsing history. need to visit a webpage often? may i introduce you to the bookmarks feature. there’s no reason to leave your tabs open. hoarder behavior.

OP I’m hitting you with a shovel

Anyway tag this with however many browser tabs you currently have. I have 40.

Thanks in part to you I now have a comprehensive categorization of types of people based on number of tabs they have open:

1-9: Kindred spirit. I am kissing you on the mouth

~10-25: Normal. This is more tabs than I would have open in most situations but it is not an unreasonable number.

~26-70: Woah there, partner. I don’t agree with this lifestyle but I understand it is normal for many people. Are you sure you need that many open though? Right at this very moment? Surely you can prune a few here.

~71-99: Okay calm down. You definitely don’t need that many open. When’s the last time you actually opened half of these, really?

100+: Official freak. This is too many. There’s no way you even remember which ones you have open. How are you supposed to find any of them?

1000+: Listen, I know I made a joke up there, I said “hoarder behavior,” but I think you may actually have a problem. With your browser tabs. You might as well have a maze of 50-year-old newspapers to navigate through to get to a youtube video. It’s time to re-evaluate the way you use the internet. I’m serious on this one.

Hey quick question do you fucking hear yourself. Did you read what you just wrote there

I don’t see my tab count in your list??