i hope the beloved mutuals don’t think me unintellectual for this but i love romantic subplots i gobble them up delightedly with very few exceptions. ‘oh fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me’ etc 

Couples are always hiring me to stand next to their fake electric fireplaces and pop my knuckles, knees, hips, etc to simulate the sound of a real log burning. They can enjoy a few romantic nights this way but inevitably one or both of them develops an insatiable lust for my hypermobile and easily-injured joints and their relationship falls apart

And in these next 50 years you will eat so many delicious meals, laugh so many times with so many people you love, shout and scream and sing and cry and smile so hard your face hurts. And you will see such beautiful sunsets and feel fresh cold air on your face and feel warm and safe wrapped up in your favourite winter coat.

fuck the grind. fuck work culture. i want a slow life. i want to wake up in the morning and scramble eggs and saute some spinach, squeeze some orange juice and cut up some strawberries, and eat it all while sitting on my porch and watching my goats mill about in the yard. i have a world of downtime to bake bread and garden and read and craft. i am free.

i love and support trans people! having this on your blog means you love and support trans people too!

listen i am more than aware that hormonal birth control can do fucky things to your brain and body. i have been there and i have dealt with it and i don't take that lightly. but i do want to say that if you're sexually active and can get pregnant, the last people online you should be listening to are the "divine femininity" cryptofash tradgirl influencers who are spouting leftist-sounding rhetoric while telling you to throw out your birth control and "just track your cycles naturally" at a time when it's functionally impossible to get an abortion in many states. i cannot stress this enough. these people are white supremacists who have learned to cloak their right-wing, reject-modernity beliefs in language that sounds appealing to the left, and they are winning, and you need to be really vigilant about the influencers and messaging you are following and consuming and helping give more of a platform. because this shit is everywhere and women are going to die because of it.

Help a trans woman and her family flee the state

Cash app: $KaleenaHanselman

PayPal: @kaleena1394

Cash app: $KaleenaHanselman

PayPal: @kaleena1394

I need housing stability or I could die

Hi everyone, I’m sorry I’ve been off for a bit but I got sine extremely bad news. My kidney function is low enough now that I need a transplant. I’m back in the hospital with a persistent kidney infection that greatly effected the function I had.

My best friend and I desperately need an apartment, im currently homeless and I could die. We found a 2 bedroom for $1600/month and that’s cheap considering we live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. They said if we have first and lasts by the 10th, it’s ours. Please help us, our homelessness journey will be over.

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I love human prehistory so much. All the way to the late Neolithic. I love it. I love our scavenger era. I love our “running megafauna to death” era. I love prehistoric art. I love prehistoric burial customs. I love our ancestors using their big brains to innovate and adapt and survive despite ice ages and conflicts and disasters and extinctions. I love that we began creating art. I love that archaic humans were doing the same things as our ancestors too. We’re such a cool species. We’re so fascinating and adaptive and badass. Even if there isn’t a written record of the names, feelings, failures, heartaches and triumphs of those people, it makes me feel so warm to know they had names, feelings, failures, heartaches and triumphs just like us. They felt love. They had families. They had duties.

So people who are subscribed to Toby Fox's Truck Freak newsletter mailing tier list got this email today:

"Dear members in the "Truck Freak" tier:

Due to a glitch in our mailing system, it appears that around 1,000 of you have been erroneously subscribed to the "Foam Shower" tier. Affected subscribers were sent a photo of Toby Fox in swim trunks covered in a large amount of foam.

We apologize and are working on a solution now."

And uh Well It's real and limited None of my friends who are also in the tier got the photos But I did and I keep on getting more

And since then, Toby has been mailing photoshops of it

What a Toby Fox thing to do

New photoshops keep coming in every 10 minutes or so, so I'll probably make update once they stop coming in

...and just as I was writing this, a new email came in.

And, welp, he sure indeed is there, too.

In the e-mails, he also asked people to add one of the images to his wikipedia article and well

It got locked.

Things are heating up on the toby fox talk page on wikipedia dot org, the free encyclopedia anyone can eit

Okay let's not let this line get buried

People Matching Artworks: An Unusual Photo Series By Stefan Draschan

People Matching Artworks: An Unusual Photo Series By Stefan Draschan More info: Website | Instagram…

I was really hoping these weren’t staged and the artist just spends weeks in art galleries and days in front of paintings to make these

Well guess what… That’s exactly what he did!

Lynda Barry, 2016

Neil, as a fellow bread maker, I’m begging you to share your recipe. Those look amazingly delicious and mine never turn out that well.

Here's my notes to myself from the time:

100 ml starter 200 grams rye flour 220 ml water Mix well, cover with cling film, leave overnight. Next day, add 50 g of Buckwheat flour, 50 g of Barley flour, 100 g of rye flour. 1 tsp of sea salt and 1 tbsp of maple syrup in 2 tbsp of water. Mix well, cover with cling film, leave for a couple of hours in a warm place. Put a big pot of water on to boil. Add syrup to the water. (I’m using date syrup.) Take a bowl of water. Wet hands. With wet hands, make a ball of dough, handful size — think medium snowball. Smooth it, make the hole in the middle, drop into boiling water. It will sink to the bottom, then rise. After a couple of minutes, turn it over in the water. After a couple more minutes take it out and put it on baking paper on a baking tray. I sprinkle the paper with flour. Keep hands wet through all of this, as if working with clay. Don’t crowd the bagels in the water pot. No more than 4 at a time. Give them time — they get puffier. When all the bagels are on the baking tray (it makes 6 or 7) put them in the oven for about 16 or 17 minutes. Then turn them over. Back in the oven for another 6 minutes. And then they come out. Off the tray. Let them cool, and then eat them.

There's no heat setting mentioned, because I was cooking them in an Aga oven which doesn't have fancy things like temperature controls, but is somewhere around 220C or 420F.

Reblogging for the people who have been complaining that Tumblr isn’t showing this post on a search. I searched for it and found lots of people talking about how nice it was that Neil Gaiman was sharing a bagel recipe but not seeing this. So I’ve re blogged this and am using my name (Gaiman) and the singular of bagels (bagel) in here to see if Tumblr’s search functions work if you prod them.

I'm reblogging this, mostly because it's all I can find. Even Google seems determined not to show the post I wrote here a few years ago about the history of Bagels. (It's fascinating. To summarise, there were centuries in Poland when Jews were forbidden to bake or buy bread, and bagels, as a boiled bread dough, were a solution to that.) And the hole meant that bagel sellers would use broomsticks, or just long rods, or strings, as bagel-carriers.

When Jews first came to America, they brought beigels with them. Their Union was the Beigel Bakers Union. (You can learn about them, about the New York Beigel strikes, and about the end of the union and the job in the 1960s with the arrival of the Thompson Bagel-making machine at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bagel_Bakers_Local_338.)

i saw a tweet today that said that you shouldn’t sleep on just one side because it’ll make your face lopsided and it got me thinking about the few months when i used a gua sha stone really consistency. i remember proudly showing one of my best friends that my forehead lines had disappeared and tho i don’t know what reaction i expected, i remember being shocked when they were like, “but wait, those are *your* forehead lines.” and that’s the thing, isn’t it. our faces are *our* faces, our bodies are *our* bodies: they reflect who we are and how we live, beyond even our genetics. maybe the way i sleep is the reason why i can only wink with my left eye or why my right eyebrow is slightly longer than my left but why would i want to change that? if our bodies are our homes, i’d really prefer for mine to look lived in with trinkets and souvenirs and remembrances versus like a perfect fresh outta the box ikea showroom. my forehead lines and scars and birth marks and laugh lines and freckles are all memories my body has kept for me, memories that sometimes exist outside of my own awareness. beyond aesthetics, how i live in my body shapes how my body lives. my muscles remember me, my bones remember me, my skin remembers me. how could any of that be a bad thing?

fuck the grind. fuck work culture. i want a slow life. i want to wake up in the morning and scramble eggs and saute some spinach, squeeze some orange juice and cut up some strawberries, and eat it all while sitting on my porch and watching my goats mill about in the yard. i have a world of downtime to bake bread and garden and read and craft. i am free.

i love and support trans people! having this on your blog means you love and support trans people too!

Worst types of country songs:

Best types of country songs:

my sister was 8 years old when morality police in Tehran stopped us because she wasn’t wearing a headscarf. Dad tried to tell them, she’s only 8, it’s not mandatory until she’s 9, but it didn’t matter to him because she “looked” older. She was forced to wear a scarf before he let us go.

No, kids should not have unsupervised acess to the internet.   Yes, I got that and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.    Its a paradox.

had a dream last night where marbles were back en vogue and everyone carried their marbles around in cute little pouches that they'd clip onto their backpacks or purse straps or belt loops so they'd always have their marbles on them and your marbles were deeply personal objects that showcased your individual personality and people would get really passionate and proud of them and playing for keeps was a deeply serious and honor-bound affair and i played a game with an old man while waiting for a bus and he told me how he met his wife while playing in a for-keeps tournament and in a miracle shot he knocked out her most precious marble a brilliant sparkling green one with an inside like a geode and when he looked up he found she was crying at its loss and so right there on the spot he proposed to her so that she could divorce him and take it back in the divorce "but in the end," he told me, "she kept me and the marble" and i awoke teary and resentful to be ripped from a fleeting world that had found for itself such a small and beautiful peace

(the snake is called clementine, respect her)

thats the last of my inktober art dump! if anyone has prompts, requests, lil aus that i could draw i will have shockingly little to do the next few days (weeks) so id love to hear them! happy halloween tumblr users

part 1

part 2

"this filter will show you if your teeth are yellow" "this filter will show you if your nose is perfect" "this filter will show you if your face is symmetrical" "this filter will show you if your lips are big" how about if we all blew up our phones forever