I smoked one alcohol and my left arm fell off

the idea of coming home to the love of your life is so soothing and nice I can’t wait to look forward to that

tbh im not even just a double texter im a decatexter like ill impulsively send 10 seperate texts instead of fitting it all into one whos gonna try and stop me

listen…i literally dream of being a woman with a skin care routine, that smells good always and eats vegetables but i am a swamp demon and i’m doing what i can with that 

what you girls really need is a soft fuzzy man

an ambient man

"When you're in your bee suit and you feel sweat running down your back, that's fine. If you feel sweat running up your back, that's a bee"

-Some beekeeping advice my mom gave me today

hey man, eat this giant mound of ancient butter i found in the dirt

Do you love the lapels on that ignorance? It really suits you.

What the fuck? All right buddy I’ll be here with my bog butter

who gets angry over a post like this I’m screaming

buddys had it up to here with the bog butter abuse. … now’s the time to make a stand ….

Elbert Hubbard (US Author 1856-1915)

how do i get abs without doing anything

Magic marker

I woke up like this (hungry)

yea dude I drink a lot. Drink at parties all the time. yea you heard right, 9 capri suns. 9. in 45 minuets.

"When you're in your bee suit and you feel sweat running down your back, that's fine. If you feel sweat running up your back, that's a bee"

-Some beekeeping advice my mom gave me today

It’s 5AM and I’m turning up…….. the oven to 425 to make some pizza rolls