LOOK BUDDY. I can do a lava moat. I can do a moat composed entirely of boiling acid. With certain provisions for the animal welfare act, I can even do a piranha infested moat! But I cannot. provide. all three services simultaneously in the same godsdamned moat. You call any contractor in this industry they will tell you the same!!!!!!!
What if it was three concentric moats?
oh that, sure, heck we can have that installed by tuesday
I need you all to understand that this is, in fact, exactly what working in construction is like.
shopping in an unfamiliar grocery store instead of your usual is literally a survival horror
the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable
Ryan Bergara’s actual super power is to have gotten a bunch of skeptics to do a fucking ghost hunting show with him. of all his crew members he’s the only one that actually fucking believes and if that’s not some witchcraft on his part then idk wtf it is
so, i live on the fourth floor of an apartment building that faces a fairly busy street; it’s on a hill so car noises are pretty regular over the course of the day. because i’m high above the street, you obviously can’t see the cars unless you look out the window, right? but sometimes the sun reflects off the car roofs or whatever, and so there’ll be a light on my ceiling as a car passes by.
so my cat? whenever he hears a loud engine, day or night, he looks at my ceiling. even if there is no refraction going on. to him, those are the sounds of light on the ceiling. sometimes the light appears and there is a loud noise. it’s 8pm and a truck just passed and he watched the ceiling as the car moved past my windows – no reflection this time of night, but trucks are ceiling creatures and i just think that’s such a like – it’s a good correlation, buddy!! you figured it out!! you’re wrong but you’re so smart!!
this is NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING FROM THIS POST but anyway here’s my cat stalking trucks (on the ceiling)
25 hours later and rip my phone battery and i’m thinking i should’ve named my cat plato….or y’know……….at all
response to some common tags on this post:
- yes he is a handsome and fluffy boy
- yes he sits super weird all the time he’s a proper young gentleman
- yes that chair has been through it; no one else touches it anymore it’s been surrendered to his control
- no i did not ever name him he’s a shadowy figure of mystery (we call him fluffbutt)
- no i had not really heard of plato’s cave before but boy do i know it now
Support your besties when they are being little haters. It is good for the economy
My bestie, randomly texting me: So fucking get this-
Me, instantly:
Dune (2021) dir. Denis Villeneuve
When I was about 4 or 5, my dad worked in software implementation (installing very complicated programs for entire companies, basically). And sometimes when people had a problem with the program, they’d call my dad.
If he wasn’t in the room, I was assigned to answer the house phone and say “Hello, Edward will be here in jutht a moment,” in my high-pitched lisp typically described by family members as “elfin”, and then yell for my dad. Then I’d listen to him walking them through the issue because I found it interesting.
One time my dad went in for a meeting with the CEO of a large company, like, one you’ve heard of, and the CEO said “Oh, by the way, your assistant is amazing! Fixed my problem immediately.“
After some very subtle investigative work - because if the CEO of a billion dollar company is pleased you don’t answer with ‘wtf are you talking about’ - he determined that what happened was the following:
The CEO called my dad at a very odd time of day, because rich people are like that.
The phone was answered by an elfin, lisping voice, which said “Hello, I’m thorry, Edward ithn’t here right now. Can I help you?”
“…okay, do you thee the power button? Can you rethtart the computer? …that means turning it off.”
Five minutes later, the CEO hung up, very pleased that an elf with a speech impediment had fixed his million-dollar software.
Two tropes I love equally:
Character ties their hair back/up and becomes Very efficient. They could do anything. They could win an argument with God.
Character’s hair is loose when it’s normally contained and they are Kind Of Feral. Nothing can stop them. They could win a fight with God.
Btw if I say things like “by god” or “good lord” in posts please be aware I don’t mean it in a catholic way I mean it in a 1950s scientist reacting in horror after they create an evil creature in the lab set in the distant future year of 2005
Data was an artist on a level organics cannot achieve and I appreciate him.
“you may experience the emptiness with me if you wish” is all at once 1) a very cool thing to say and 2) unbearably romantic