Griffin Andrew Mcelroy belting out “FRESH PUSSY” is such a power move it shocked me to my core

I know I told this story before but last year I was having complications with a surgery and I just broke down in a public place and I was trying to gather myself, sitting and leaning on a wall when this girl in cowboy boots approached me and sat down and she asked what was wrong and I told her it was medical issues and she said “I understand, I have to have my foot amputated next week” and it shocked me out of crying and I was like “wow that sucks!” And she said “yeah.” And then she just touched my arm so tenderly and told me “I promise you that this problem will have its place, and everything is going to work out.” And the way she said it just made me really believe her. She said. “We’re just gonna have to cowgirl up.” And then she stood up and walked away and I’d call that a genuine encounter with an angel but the truth is there is a lot of goodness right here on earth in humanity and it’s shining and pure.

Is there any word that’s had a wilder evolutionary path than “gothic”?

Seriously, it went from meaning this:

to this:

to this:

and finally ended up as this:

You go you funky word, keep on trucking.

hey guys just passing through

Last night I dreamt that Cardi B was engaged to Bill O’Reily and literally no one else was bothered by this except me so I went on all the late night talk shows and was like “WHY IS THIS OKAY?” And Time Magazine called me Hater of the Year.

This is still the funniest dream I’ve ever had

this headline gave me heart problems

ok i take it back, i didnt know the guy was actually gay

He helps end TBBT and now he does this. Truly it is twentygayteen.

bazinga redemption arc

this is ridiculous but also fascinating like everyone in our dream are apparently people we have encountered/seen

Non threatening green men

OP has clearly never had that monster in the middle sit on your counter at three am and stare you down until you feed it with full eye contact

i dont like to intrude normally but i really absolutely MUST know what events went down between you and gumby

Me walking into heaven when society told me my gay ass was going to hell

Wholesome and true

Me arriving in hell anyway knowing damn well that being gay had nothing to do with it

character development ms marvel (2014) #1, #19, (2016) #4, #9, #16

love <3

don’t chant “adhd is severely overdiagnosed!!!” if the only demographic you have in mind is the young hyperactive white boy you’ve seen on the news. start chanting underdiagnosed instead, for all the women and ppl of color who fall off the radar each year due to stereotypes and stigma

i hate when ur in public somewhere and something goes mildly wrong/something inconvenient happens and the nearest baby boomer tries to get you to complain with them

what does this even mean

EXAMPLE:

you are in line at mcdonalds. its really busy and the employees are overwhelmed. it’s taking a long time. you are minding your own business. the old man in line next to you says to you, “boy, this is absolutely ridiculous, isn’t it? these kids working just dont know what they’re doing. Or they just dont care…” you awkwardly nod and take a step to the side

This has probably been said a million times before but:  Defend the employees.

Really, you’re never going to see Karen from Stubenville again in your life, so side-eye her real good and say:

“It’s not thier fault they’re understaffed. Having worked retail before, they’d love to have another three or five people back there helping out.  But since the whole ‘downsizing’ craze of the ninties, companies try to get as much out of thier employees as possible without regard for thier welfare, or the effect on service.  You should really get on McD’s website and complain about the chronic understaffing and tell them you’re willing to pay more elsewhere for better service.  They LISTEN to people like you.”

People love to complain, especially entitled people.  The good news is that they’re easily redirected with mild praise and a shiny new target.  Butter the elders and aim them at the bourgoise.

aim them at the bourgeoisie

The Peel is an offshoot of the Onion but honestly if someone told me this was real slam poetry I wouldn’t even question it

I was in a tattoo parlor and Rihanna came in wearing bell bottom jeans, chuncky heels and no shirt. When I asked her where her shirt was, she looked me in the face and said, “Oh hun, today is a titties out kind of day.“ 

The anger I felt when I saw the url is… indescribable.