Just because

🐝: remember thou art but mortal

"What was it like to be in the body you didn't belong in?"

my gifs do not repost without credit

I think this is an incredibly important video to watch

Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post

This poem is not a tweet to me

in sixth grade my homeroom teacher caught this kid stephen saying, “that’s so gay.”

so he told the class that for the rest of the week, anytime you wanted to express something negatively, you could say, “that’s so stephen.”

and it started out as a joke, where even this stephen kid was going around using it, laughing at it, not really caring. it was funny, i guess.

but then one of his friends got a bad mark on a test and said, “that’s so stephen.”

we had a blacktop recess and everyone kept saying, “that’s so stephen.”

and when we got too loud doing groupwork and had to separate and work silently, everyone in the class kept muttering, “that’s so stephen.”

and the weirdest part was that even though it was just a word we were using, even though it had nothing to do with stephen, we all sort of blamed stephen.

and as everyone kept using “that’s so stephen,” all week, you could see stephen himself finding it less and less funny. we played a game called “pamplemousse” in french class and everyone got stephen out right away if they could. someone literally went and found one of stephen’s art projects when nobody else was around and ruined it so he had to start over.

and when my homeroom teacher found out about it, he sat everyone down and told us that it wasn’t okay to say “that’s so stephen” anymore. that the things we’d been blaming him for weren’t his fault and the things we’d been doing to him weren’t fair.

he told us that stephen couldn’t help it that he was stephen. he didn’t choose to be stephen. he was born stephen.

and that’s when it clicked.

we all felt pretty stupid, i think, for sort of falling for it, but i’ll be damned if i’ve ever had a teacher get a lesson across so utterly and completely as mr. bernard did.

it hadn’t even been the full week.

i was very excited during class when i suddenly realized this comic translates beautifully into chinese

the explanation here being:

allo? - hello? a l'eau - water?

谁呀？- shei ya? who is it? 水呀？- shui ya? water?

It’s even funnier if you know that in french that type of showerhead is called a “Telephone shower”. ^_^

hey I went to Bad At It island and everyone you know was there. yeah turns out you just see the version of them they put forwards in order to not disappoint and in actuality everyone is just trying their best which doesn't always mean succeeding. yeah you were there as well but it's ok because you're surrounded by your friends and loved ones and if you take a moment you'll realise we are all flawed by nature but we are all full of love for one another and that matters more than any skill or success or achievement.

Op why were you at Bad At It Island???

I'm making an incredulous expression at you

I read this post wrong. I am also on the island. I have made a sandcastle and buried my whole head inside its gates.

I am decorating your sandcastle with shells and putting leaf flags on every turret

If someone shows up and is missing any single one of these or can’t come up with a plant contact name? They get turned away.

I have in the last week in fact had a dude scream at me because I would not simply let him in. He was insisting he was here to meet with a maintenance manager to see about repairing some of their equipment. Problem with this is that he said ‘your maintenance manager’

We have like seven maintenance managers who each specialize in specific departments or systems or projects. Not a single one. Someone saying ‘THE’ manager of anything here is, 100% of the time, trying to fish info out of me.

So I ask WHICH one, and he gets upset, and finally says the name of a dude who retired three years ago. I say ‘no, he does not work here, any other contact information you have?’

Now, what this dude wanted, 100%, is to go into the plant with his pickup truck and steal scrap metal and he was trying to Bavarian fire drill his way in. It did not work. He didn’t have any other names or contact info or appointment information or anything that could verify that he was supposed to be there. He was HOPING that when he screamed at me that he’d talk to someone and have me fired that I’d go ‘no no it’s fine of course’. If I HAD done that I WOULD have been fired. I didn’t. He left. Haven’t heard shit. Knew I wouldn’t. Wrote up an incident report with his description and vehicle description so now everyone knows what’s up with him.

That’s how you defeat a dude with a clipboard and a confident stride.

OP has it absolutely right, and I want to ride on these coattails to tell a different kind of anti-sneak story.

I worked front desk for a company that had a LOT of sales people cold calling us about shit. They wanted to sell us office supplies, supplies more specific to our business, seminars for our employees, every damn thing you could think of. Our company was part of a much bigger company, so they assumed we had a ton of money to spend on contracts, gear, whatever. Enter Peter Jenkins - name changed for privacy reasons.

Our website listed Peter Jenkins as head of Sales and Marketing, or something to that effect, and he was essentially the go-to for anyone trying to sell us something. As the front desk person, I manned the single fax machine of the office, and I'd get several sales-oriented flyers that had things hand-scribbled in the corner: "For Peter, as per our chat last week! Take care!" I'd get tons of calls that needed to be directed to Peter's line. Lots of people were cold calling... but several said that Peter was expecting a call back from them.

Peter did not exist.

"Peter" had a voicemail inbox that was regularly emptied without being checked, an email inbox that was never checked, and basically served as an incredible litmus test for sales people's honesty. We once had someone come in saying they had a meeting booked with Peter - I asked them to sit and wait, called up a high-ranking person in the office, and asked them if Peter was in the office today, because someone was here for a booked meeting with him. Said high-ranking person said please take down all their information and let them know Peter was not in today, could they please email Peter to reschedule. I think we blacklisted that company within a few hours of that salesperson walking out.

Fucking love this.

I also field many cold sales calls and hang up on many pushy sales reps and tbh I’m bringing this idea up to my boss because it’s brilliant.

Someone get @ms-demeanor in the group chat, because this is basically Leverage's worst nightmare.

I am both sides of this equation.

My "how to be a pushy dude with a clipboard" advice is spend more time on socials doing better research, make a lot of low-stakes calls over a long period of time to verify that information, and it often works better to be nice and accommodating than to be grumpy and demanding. Also business cards are cheap and easy to mimic and it's shocking how many people will accept a business card with a professional logo (Hi! I'm from Microsoft now!) as ID. If you get caught in your lie don't get angry, just say "excuse me, I need to check something" and look at your cellphone, say that you're so sorry, you made a mistake, this is not your appointment, and apologize profusely as you're walking away. Depending on what level of nefarious deed you were doing you want to make sure to get out before the cops arrive.

Pushy dude with a clipboard is also pretty high risk, if I'm being honest. Whenever possible it is *much* better to get in with a crowd and attempt to blend in and play dumb if you get caught. This is only effective if you don't get caught doing something extremely suspicious. Don't get caught doing something extremely suspicious.

My "how to shut down pushy dude with a clipboard" defense is always, always, always, always verify that you're only granting access to the correct people.

My script for taking calls - from cold callers to new clients to old clients to vendors - is always the same: "Who's calling, what is this regarding, let me see if my boss is available, no he's not, can I take a message." Most people who are doing annoying sales shit or who are doing something suspicious will not leave a message. If the message is something that I know my boss actually does want to talk to someone about I can now say "oh, actually, one moment, hold on, it looks like his line is open now, let me check again," and transfer the call.

Have an information access policy. Never, ever, ever give information over the phone to someone who has called you who you don't know. "Information" can be anything from your supervisor's name to who is in the office today to passwords to schedules.

Your information access policy should make it very easy to say "I'm sorry, unfortunately I am not authorized to give you that information. Give me your contact information and I can escalate this and the appropriate person will reach out if necessary."

Having a physical access policy is good too. You want to arm your receptionists with the ability to say "I'm not authorized to do that, you will have to wait until [Physical Access Administrator] verifies your access. Please have a seat."

Trying to force physical access by social engineering front desk workers *only* works because front desk workers are worried they'll get in trouble if they keep the wrong person out. They should be MUCH more worried about what happens if they let the wrong person in, and should never, ever, ever be punished or chastised for verifying access rights. It doesn't matter if the person whose access they are blocking is the CEO of the company; if the CEO doesn't have the appropriate credentials or their name on the list with a matching ID then the CEO doesn't get in and that is a FEATURE, not a bug. Desk workers who shut down high-level clients or important vendors without the appropriate credentials should get a week of paid vacation and a bonus, they should not be yelled at.

You should also have a policy for giving information to clients - I work at an MSP so we have records of client passwords and hardware configurations, and the way we avoid getting fucked by this is twofold: One - limit who is allowed to share information (so, for instance, the desktop techs and I are never, ever allowed to share login information, even if it's with a client contact we know personally) and Two - limit who at each client is allowed to receive information by setting designated contacts (so if someone calls asking for information we call our designated contact to give them the information, we don't call the person who requested the information).

But it's really hard to over-emphasize how much these issues are a company culture problem: it's MUCH easier to get into someplace where employees are more scared of being punished for keeping people out than they are of being fired for letting people in.

It's an interesting issue because a receptionist's job used to be "be accommodating and make people feel welcome" and now it is "first line of security" but they are still expected to ACT friendly and, let's be honest, servile and that means it's very easy to make receptionists feel like they're not doing they're job if they're not helping every demanding person who shows up at their desk.

No. Wrong. Bad. Your receptionist is a security employee. Treat them like it. It shouldn't matter if they're extra friendly or have a good phone voice it should matter that they can help people who need it and turn into a brick wall and shut everyone else down.

Let front desk workers say fuck.

"you're not man enough, not feminine enough"

so gender is something we can fail?

that means gender is not genetic and absolute and unchangeable

but something we can build and perform, and fail at (the standards they set) but also redefine?

if i can fail at being a woman, does that mean i'm not a woman? so does that make me another gender?

i agonized for 15 minutes about the wording of my post and you manage to simplify it with a perfect mean girls reference

[id: skyvoice’s tags say, “insert regina george: so you agree? you think gender is a construct?” end id]

So there are some perks to living in a tourist destination. There are a lot of detractors mostly that you cannot shoot the tourists because you rely on them for your income but you have a semi captive audience with no context for any of the bullshit you spew. You can tell these people anything and they will believe you, the trusted friendly local. Now this is a very much Spider-Man situation where Great Power begets Great Audacity and even worse Responsibility.

My buddy goes on a run and when hes done there is a bar near a creek. So he wades into the creek because the day is hot and the water is cold.

Tourists ask what hes up to, with his running stuff he didn't want wet piled on the shore and him very obviously cooling off in the water. He says he's fishing.

But now here is why I am telling you this story. The universe occasionally aligns in such a way that we get to really really fuck with people and their perception of said universe. The opportunities do not come often and when they come you must seize the day. This is what my buddy did.

So this Creek runs through town and as a result of the highway and neighborhoods and culverts and roads it does not have a great salmon run. It's a short Creek the headwaters are only a few miles from the ocean it never had a great salmon run to begin with. But there are salmon.

One such fish brushes past my buddy's leg. Immediately he knees the fish like he is juggling a soccer ball and pops it out of the water, then slaps it out of the air on to the shore.

This is dumb luck. He could not do this again if he spent years training. Noodling (catching fish with your hands) is a thing that is legal to do with salmon but it is so much harder than literally every other way to catch salmon, including grabbing them with a garbage can. What he just managed is the kind of thing that should make you want to grab the fish and swing it around your head like a stripper with her panties off.

But,

He has an audience.

This is the opportunity offered by the universe.

He plays it cool.

He puts on dead pan straight face on and wades up to shore to grab his fish and nod to the tourists. Someone asks something and he assures them this is the standard way to get a quick dinner here. The tour guide has caught up with his group. He looks at my buddy and his fish and the general lack of fishing accoutrement. Without missing a beat, the guide backs up every ounce of bullshit out of my buddys mouth because if there is one true fraternity it is locals bullshitting stupid tourists.

my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully

congrats on being so awful a boyfriend you destroyed homophobia

During a conversation with my manager this morning, she mentioned that her manager– the district manager– had told her that “We want people who are passionate about our products. We don’t want people working here if they’re doing it for the money.”

To which the manager (internally, because she doesn’t want to be fired), went “you’ve got to be fucking shitting me.”

Here’s the thing: it is totally possible to do a job for the passion and not be obsessively thinking about the money every minute of every day. In fact, there have been economic studies regarding that very thing.

You know when it starts?

When the employee in question is making $50-75k per year.*

That’s the starting point of financial security. That’s the point when you’re fairly secure that you’re going to have rent, food, and basic living expenses covered. 

I’ve worked a lot of jobs over the years. A lot. I saw the same working as a freelancer– when I charged lower rates, my clients treated me like shit and acted like they were doing me a favor; when I charged more, they respected me as a professional. A newspaper that started out paying me above market wage also treated me very kindly, because they started with the assumption that I was a human being who needs to eat.

In my experience, the employers that insist that your job be your “passion” are also the ones that pay you nothing and treat you like garbage. It’s exactly like abusive people, who tell you that you would put up with their abuse if you “loved them enough”. It’s a way of convincing the victim that they’re responsible for their own mistreatment, which is absolutely fucked up.

Here’s my advice to you:

It is absolutely okay to take a job that doesn’t pay you what you deserve–  you’ve got to eat, after all. But don’t think for a second that you have a responsibility to that job. If you see something available that pays better and treats you better, take it and don’t look back. Don’t waste an ounce of sympathy for employers who try to convince you that passion is an acceptable substitute for survival. 

this bit makes me laugh out loud every time without fail

[ID: “‘No! Please! I’ll tell you whatever you want to know!’ the man yelled. ‘Really?’ said Vimes. ‘What’s the orbital velocity of the moon?’” End ID]

the 2024 met gala theme will be ovid's metamorphosis to respect the importance of greek classicalism in fashion aesthetic principles of construction. lil nas x will be dressed as actaeon's hounds, a metaphor for the punishment of black men's existence being seen as predatory. kylie jenner will wear a crimped taffeta toga. florence welch will be in dior as medusa, veiled and weeping. she is a statement about the destruction of intent and story in the face of achronistic politics: medusa can't be a monster if she's a woman, medusa can't be a woman if she's a monster. drake wears a tailored black suit with a black tie and white shirt. seventeen different women dress as botticelli's venus in some form and rip each other to shreds in rage and divine madness, watched over by dionysus, who is dressed as jack black

every time i rediscover a Life Hack from like 30,000 years ago i feel so stupid i want to kill myself. ive recently started using a normal reed basket i just found by a dumpster to carry shit around my house. i need to bring 8 things from the kitchen cabinet to the stove to bake some cookies. ok i put them in the basket, i carry them to the stove. when im done with each ingredient i place it in the basket. at the end i take the basket back to the cabinet. i do this instead of making 4-5 trips because it's too many items to hold at once. i feel like a genius. i feel like a moron. i love my simple reed basket

The ancient world was full of textile masterpieces we can only imagine… but most of them have rotted away. So few of them have come down to us in these days that we think of metal and stone as the primary mediums for the oldest artworks. But there were tapestries and fabric work that would have rivaled the finest wrought gold and iron and the first cave paintings.

This is a incredibly rare find. A ball of yarn made from stinging nettle fibers in the Late Neolithic (5900 years old) in what’s now Marin-Epagnier in Switzerland. The thread has been preserved by being carbonized. Look at how much thread that is! And how fine and even it is spun! The skill going into this is absolutely incredible. Imagine the incredible textile work that must’ve been made with that. For a reference here’s a ball of nettle yarn I managed to make with a drop spindle. That took me 300 hours of work.

“I’m like, ‘Okay, she’s a doll. She’s a plastic doll. She doesn’t have organs. If she doesn’t have organs, she doesn’t have reproductive organs. If she doesn’t have reproductive organs, would she even feel sexual desire?’ No, I don’t think she could,” Robbie said. “She is sexualized. But she should never be sexy. People can project sex onto her. Yes, she can wear a short skirt, but because it’s fun and pink. Not because she wanted you to see her butt.”

Margot Robbie said Ace Barbie Rights with her whole chest.

https://twitter.com/profannieoakley/status/1357768408671027202

 This thread is gold… make your own here: https://htck.github.io/bayeux/#!/