caitlinxletran reblogged
My heart is breaking and as he runs his hand over my thighs I try to think of something else, something far away. I try to remember how your hand felt. Warm, gentle, cautious, loving. My eyes water and he does not ask why. I don’t expect him to.
My heart is breaking and his head is between my legs. I tug on the bed sheets and for a brief moment nothing hurts. He falls down beside me and its over. Nothing good can last. Nothing good can stay. You promised you would and I was a fucking idiot for believing you.
My heart is breaking and he kisses down my neck, his teeth nibbling at my skin. It hurts. It doesn’t feel safe. Its rough and there is no love in his actions. I don’t tell him to stop. His eyes are the same color as yours but when he looks at me it is dull. It is boring. There’s nothing here for me.
My heart is breaking and he is on top of me, telling me how good it feels to be inside of me. I know I’m nothing to him. Its alright though, because he’s nothing to me. He thinks fucking me is the closest he can be to me, thinks slamming himself between my legs is completely consuming. He doesn’t know that overall you’re inside of me the most - you are in my thoughts, my heart, you’re all I dream about. You’re everywhere. A piece of you lives inside me. I will hold on to that piece as long as I can.
My heart is breaking and I’m bent over the bed. He pulls my hips close to his as our bodies meet. I’m biting my lip to keep from crying. You’re nothing but a ghost now - and I suppose the same goes for me. I’m empty. A shell. I lack life. He will never notice, he doesn’t care enough to notice either. When will this stop? If I’m being honest I dont think it will. Not until you’re home again and I’m in your arms. Not until I can sleep at night knowing you still love me. Not until you fucking remember I am here, that we were real.
My heart is breaking. Where are you? (via healingx)
