I need to send you this relic of the Old Internet- inky caps growing from a bath towel. That towel was so dirty, that when it was nice and moist after a good re-use for god knows what in a teenager’s bathroom, it was quickly colonized and fruited upon. (submitted by @cultivating-echo)

*academic voice* theres a lot to unpack here

this image has such a charged energy i literally cant believe this like look at this shit. like lets break this down. the two mushrooms, in comparison to the apparent size of the towel and the clothing piles around it, are fucking massive. like literally i have never seen a mushroom that tall outside of textbooks and never in my life would i think that i would see mushrooms, like real ass basidiomycetes that size, growing on a fucking bath towel. also, there are TWO of them. this means that these two fungi growing on the towel were like this is too good of an opportunity to pass up we gotta put up TWO sex organs. the shaky camera/slight blur of this makes it looks like a screenshot from a mid-2000s indie slenderman film like u find a flash drive on the street and this is the only image on it and seven days later u wake up and theres a mushroom sprouted ominously in the middle of ur room with a knife taped to it. also i cannot for the life of me figure out how this could have happened like do u know how little. just like how LITTLE we know about how to grow mushrooms. we know NOTHING. the commercial industry funnels SO much money into research and STILL for like 80% of mushroom species (the kind of mushrooms you have on pizza are a notable exception), we do not know how to make commercial farms for them. people put their lives into trying to create the most perfect conditions in which to sprout mushrooms and they just. they do not care at all. this image resonates with me so much because it carries such a strong message about the nature of mushrooms like the sheer nihilism of this image is absolutely astounding like people are really out there with like state of the art equipment and its just like ‘fuck you i shall grow upon this filthy towel you peasants, you fools, you absolute buffoons. you are but ozymandias in the desert compared to me. fetchith me the axe body spray, knave’  

hint: if a person with clinical depression and anxiety says theyre tired …. dont tell them they have no reason to be …. bc guess what….. They Know and Its Shitty

Louder!!!

I just want to add one thing-

If you have depression or anxiety? you’re not tired for no reason.

You’re tired because you have depression/anxiety.

Not only do they both come with low energy/fatigue as a legit common side effect, but they’re both fucking /exhausting/. fighting your brain all the time? exhausting. adrenaline crashes from anxiety/panic attacks? exhausting. being on edge all the time? exhausting. plus doing things costs /more/ energy when you have those mental illnesses.

You’re not tired for no reason, you’re tied because you have an illness that makes you tired.

I laughed suddenly and loudly in my cubicle at work. 

The Arctic Fox Research Center in Iceland put cameras in some bird colonies to see if foxes were stealing eggs/chicks

and turns out the foxes were UNJUSTLY ACCUSED

the culprits were horses

HEY THIS IS BAD

My grandfather grew up on a farm in Kansas during the Dust Bowl. He and his brother shared a horse named Patches, which they rode to school each day. Despite being poor as shit and not having quite enough to feed their animals, his family noticed that this horse looked great. His coat was unusually glossy and beautiful all of a sudden - he looked healthier than they did. 

The mystery was solved when my grandfather went into the chicken coop to collect eggs, and saw Patches lifting the window cover, pushing his muzzle underneath the hens, and eating the eggs right out of their nests. 

Horses have been known to also eat meat.

http://thehorseaholic.com/the-forgotten-story-of-meat-eating-horses/

1) The BBC filmed horses eating fish on a beach of an English Island.

2) In Iceland pastured horses are provided, salted fish as a protein and mineral/salt supplement.

3) Horses have been known to consume raw meat and blood willingly in Arabia, New Zealand, and United States.

4) Lord Chamberlain of Bhutan confirmed that the 40 kings horses routinely received a special meal of Tiger fat and still feed their horses beef, and yak meat.

5) There was an American gelding in 1958 that routinely hunted and killed and even consumed small birds. He also repeatedly attacked humans. He was known as “Freight Train”.

6) Lisette a French mare, killed and consumed a Russian Officer during the Napoleonic Campaign.

Horses are now literally the most terrifying shit what the f u c k

I love how that list goes “fish, fish, opportunistic and pre-prepared meat, small birds, A WHOLE RUSSIAN OFFICER”

@colour-me-cosmic

@bunjywunjy I know your thing is more about the unappreciated creatures of this world, but I thought you might enjoy this.

million dollar idea: instead of spending thousands of dollars on steady-cam equipment, filmmakers should just attach a camera to the head of a chicken and carry the chicken around as you film.

Fact:

They actually did that.

cannot. stop. laughing.

Apparently this is because birds can’t move their eyeballs like we can, so they have to be able to move their necks and heads to keep their gaze on something.

i’ve found it. peak meme.

via https://twitter.com/pls_b_nice_2_me

@prudencepaccard

merchants

List of acceptable activities

- mossgazing

- mushroomspotting

That’s it!!!!!!!!!!!

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos

classic texts have nothing on the crazy people come up with in modern times tbh

– Joshua Graham, Who Is A Fallout New Vegas NPC, Something Most People Throwing This Quote Around Don’t Realize

– Shadow the Hedgehog in what is widely considered one of if not the single worst game in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise

this is the source for this text and it haunts me on a regular basis

I’m not sure what I was expecting when I clicked this video but it wasn’t this.

@the-mighty-birdy if you don’t have it already you need this in your life.

I’m reading Don Quixote for my world literature class and apparently when it was first published in 1605 it was world-changingly popular, one of the first “popular novels” as we know it today, and there were all sorts of people who were writing and publishing their own unofficial fan-sequels to Don Quixote which was basically the first fan-fiction, and then in 1615 the original author wrote an official sequel in which Don Quixote reads a piece of fanfic about him and sets out on a quest to beat up the author who mischaracterized him

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

Actual conversation I had at register: “Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

Okay, Starbucks lore is my new favorite genre of literature. Please collect all these and more into a book.

@peach-orange-juice

…I thought Venti Espresso Cryptid was a fever dream my manager had. Good lord.

@i-am-the-broken-bride fae spotting

No one is safe

I don’t understand succulents at all

FIRST of all, I will grant that my opposition to sunflowers is potentially irrational. They’re TOO big and TOO yellow and they have a gaping void in the middle of the flower!! No ma’am!! 

SECONDLY, succulents bother me because if I’m going to garden and grow things, I expect there to be an element of risk! Don’t sell me on this “oh you should get 50 succulents because they’re so easy and barely take any water and maintenance”! I want to grow plants to feel like a human being grappling with earth, and I sure as heck don’t want it to be easy and confinable to a tiny pot! Give me a challenge!! 

THIRDLY, anyone who so much as thinks about sunflowers on My Day ™ will be summarily banned 

IN CONCLUSION 

But have you considered: Sunflowers, Smol? 

Here’s an article on eating garden snails….I’m sure no one will mind if you snag a few to soothe your primitive snail-eating urges

https://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Eating-Your-Garden-Snails-3302266.php

I said snails not dirt now I’m concerned for your health

do you think I have TIME to REMOVE the snails from the DIRT

honestly the funniest thing about the lord of the rings is how gandalf is literally a minor god sent to middle-earth by The Big Man Himself and yet literally nobody apart from the elves seems to recognise this or take him seriously

like yeah gandalf is pretty grumpy most of the time but how would YOU feel if you were the fantasy equivalent of an angel and a bunch of people who only come up to your knee were just like “oh fuck it’s that spooky old wizard” every time you showed up for a friend’s birthday party

I mean to be fair, he seems to actively enjoy the hobbits’ complete lack of awe, because what Gandalf loves most about hobbits is that they as a culture are 1000% unimpressed by any of the mythic-scale bullshit constantly going on right outside their borders. The thing Gandalf loves second-most about hobbits is their weed.

What gets on his nerves is the rest of the free peoples of middle earth, for whom he is constantly busting his ass and who consistently respond to his attempts to help with “why don’t you ever have any good news?” and also who don’t offer him any weed.