MYTH: Americans set off fireworks on the 4th of July, in honor of our Independence Day
FACT: Americans set off fireworks from approximately June 20th—July 20th, for no reason other than this is the time of year that you can literally buy them at any grocery store
I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.
Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.
You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?
A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.
Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.
This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.
If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.
Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10
It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.
For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.
Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.
Stay tuned for more criminal activity!
I submit: character takes off their glasses when shit gets real, patiently cleans them, puts them back on with a weary sigh, goes completely feral
As a glasses-wearing person I approve.
I want Markiplier to be in the fnaf movie but not as a character I want him to have a face cam and act like he’s playing a new fnaf game. Starts off the movie with the HELLO EVERYBODY MY NAME IS MARKIPLIER and then the rest of the movie is just like this.
any evil pokémon leader ever: my plan is perfect and no one can stop me!
an 11 year old child:
Behind the scenes of Godzilla (1998)
man why didn’t they just have this guy fight him off. dude’s huge
i wouldn't fight godzilla if i was this dude's size, for roughly the same reason i wouldn't fight a komodo dragon at the size i currently am
Not even to save New York?
what has new york ever done for me
Thinking like that is the reason Uncle Ben died
Contrary to popular belief, there are three states a cat in a box might be: Alive, Dead, or Bloody Furious.
- Lords and Ladies, by Terry Pratchett.
this is simply the greatest video i have ever seen
I'm going to reblog this a million times so be it
Reminded of that time the xkcd guy was trying to research what sports equipment would be most effective for destroying enemy drones in flight and he looked up a bunch of stats about pro tennis player accuracy against stationary targets like 40 feet away, and figured that a really high level tennis pro might be able to hit the drone in 5-7 shots if they had the time and even then probably wouldn’t do enough damage to disrupt it more than momentarily.
And then Serena volunteered to test this theory and just, killed it instantly.
i see people saying shit like “she’s the best woman player” nah fam she’s the best one out there
I know basically nothing about tennis but I know that she is a league of her own
Madam, you are looking very posh in your fancy dress, if I may say so.
Those earrings are a delight, darling and I love what you did with your hair.
“pfft the old gods don’t exist”
Me : Y̸̤͊E̷̜̋S̷̲͗ ̸̞̍T̷̫̾H̵̲̽Ȅ̶͎Y̴̱̓ ̸͌͜D̷͈̐O̶͠ͅ ̵̦͗
Madam Meserole, fresh from Genua
Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.
Parks Official: No sir, you cannot
Parks Official: No. They are a protected species
Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them
Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them
Parks Official: If you like, we can-- no, I'm it. I'm the ranking official here. There's nobody above me. My boss? You mean... the governor's office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye
After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.
"There's a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be... legal ramifications. So he called us."
I laughed. "Does that happen often?"
"Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month."
Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious
Was golf created for the sole purpose of hoarding ridiculously large amounts of land just to brag about how little they use it?
Yes, literally.
Please stop attacking the past versions of you. They were doing their best at the time and they got you here. It’s amazing how much progress you’ve made and how much you’ve grown but please don’t think your past self lacked worth in any way.
Please stop attacking the past versions of you. We don’t know how you managed to violate the Intergalactic Time Travel Convention but you’re going to cause a paradox eventually and we’ll have to reset the time stream to the last safe state and it’ll cost a ton and be a whole thing
The two sides of tumblr
ILYSM! 🤣Happy pride! 🫶🏾🌈🥹
[ID: tiktok captioned: The moment they realized it was the real Janelle Monae on the ACLUE pride float. Janelle stands on a small float and speaks into a microphone decorated with the trans flag. They say, "We are here, we are queer! We are trans! We are the LGBTQIA+ community and we celebrate us right now! The video turns to the crowd and shows shots of people half paying attention to the float, then doing double takes as they see Janelle Monae singing. /]
