Rat boy

Love me some Jamie

I made another TikTok 😔

My username is ofdirtandbones

his name is karl!!

FROG

the phrase "moon's haunted" rewired my brain the moment it entered my vocabulary never in my life have i encountered a phrase more infectious or fun to use

coworker: [after turning on the lights in the warehouse and noticing half of them are flickering or won't turn on at all] hey james what's up with the lights

me: oh idk i guess the light's haunted

coworker: what?

me, shrugging: light's haunted

[later that day]

another coworker: hey, what's up with the lights?

coworker i was with earlier: light's haunted

other coworker: what???

coworker, without changing expression or missing a beat: light's haunted

thanks to advancements in modern science and education i know how a lot of things work and can explain if asked, but sometimes it's just more fun to apply the exact same logic to the situation as a 14th century alchemist

Just ate an entire pear that was so good and so juicy i started gnawing on it with both hands like an animal and the face my supervisor made when he passed by my desk while I was absolutely consumed by my pear fueled bacchanal was Something i have never seen someone look so tired and also so upset and also also so envious

Had another pear today it was even JUICIER than the pear I had yesterday and had to eat over my trashcan so I didn't get juice all over myself and while I was hunched over lost in the sauce I heard the deepest sigh and when I looked up my supervisor was standing over me like

Called out in the company group chat

Splinter Plush

Someone has to keep those turtles in line. ♥

Turtles on Etsy

Good news! Splinter will be making his way to my etsy by the end of this month (April 2017).

wizard: i have trapped you in a time loop >:)

me, loves routines: oh darn whatever shall i do

wizard: you know, the point of the time loop is to have some big revelation and work on yourself, not to keep attempting to redo all your awkward moments in small talk conversations

me, on day 33 of my time loop: stfu im going back to the coffee shop again today and when the barista tells me to enjoy my drink THIS TIME i am not going to say “you too”

me (day 47): and thanks, you too— FUCK not again

wizard: alright im breaking the time loop i cant keep watching this anymore

The time loop: Doesn’t break.

Wizard: *FUCK*

me to the wizard on day 48 of OUR time loop:

Somebody dropped they pronoun

Cinderella

things got a little heated in the gc today

International Differences that turn into screaming matches of misdirected fury is one of my favorite genres of humor

Can we talk about how raw of a quote “When I kill God, I’ll make a law in the universe that makes every being put carrots on their sandwiches. … And you? You will eat sandwiches every day.” is

Also OP

eating a jolly rancher filled gummie

"It is now"

God Bless America

Okay but HE PUT THE BROKEN CLOCK BACK UP

hey i have hiccups can someone scare me

HOO!

thanks it worked

……you can go now

An Ode to Nitotan: A Buying Guide for The Cutest Japanese Anime Dolls Ever

Hello there. Some of you may have seen these derpy images of a beautiful looking Oikawa-san doll on my Instagram before. Most of you probably have not, but if you’re willing to read this, I’m here to talk about what this Oikawa-san is and why you should get yourself one in this useful, comprehensive, opinionated and heartfelt article about Nitotans. In this essay I will share with you: 

What is Nitotan

Manufactured by Takara Tony Arts, Nitotan is the cutest series of anime plush doll in the market. TThe maker tends to collaborate with big and popular anime titles like Haikyuu, SNK, Kuroko’s Basketball, Touken Ranbu, YOI, and more.

The defining features of nitotans are their big head to small body ratio and their eyes, which look like big peas. Have a look at brand rep Mr. Sales-nitotan below for an idea: 

OP is not, by the way, Mr. Sales-nitotan 

Nitotans can be seen in the wild in the following three forms: 

This picture doesn’t even encompass all the Haikyuu nitotan species’ that has been released into the world  

Nitotan keychains are the smallest ones and have the most variety in design. It’s likely that many versions of the same character in different poses, outfits or expressions would be made available at different timings. That being said, buying the specific keychain design that you want is more difficult than it seems. 

How To Buy Nitotan (Keychains)

Generally speaking, pre-ordering is the best way to ensure that you will get the nitotan you want (at an inoffensive price) as opposed to waiting for physical or online stores and marketplaces to start selling them. 

For nitotan keychains, it is relatively easy to obtain their basic character design (AKA normal, ordinary clothing) versions from physical stores. You can purchase them individually, but you don’t get to choose, so the character you end up with is by random. You might be tempted like many others to “search” the packet to figure out which character is inside by feel and weight, but the practice is frowned upon and shops put up many signs to discourage it. They don’t want you to crush the packaging. Also, the manufacturer thwarts your attempts by wrapping the keychain with a layer of cardboard. If you would rather not play the game of chance, it’s possible instead to purchase the whole box and get one of each character. 

Midoriya Izuku Nitotan Keychains in basic character design, and alternate designs: winter clothing and suits

The alternate clothing designs are rarer and therefore much harder to obtain. The manufacturer actually encourages pre-ordering the alternate design ones by box. The ideal would be that you have a bunch of people to split the price of the box with, and all of you agree to take one character each. This is not impossible, just hard, because there are always unpopular characters/designs in a group. Then again, this is the whole idea of “trading” merchandise like these keychains - you’re supposed to interact with fellow fans in your community in order to get the specific nitotan you want. 

How To Buy Nitotan II (Small and Big Plushies)

Nitotan plushies are relatively difficult to spot in stores. There is a higher chance of encountering small nitotan plushies. Big nitotan plushies, if any, either have very few in quantity or never have the popular characters in stock. 

Nitotan plushies also occasionally come out with alternate versions, though at a much rarer rate than nitotan keychains. They are also usually event exclusive. You would think that that would mean all you had to do were to go to the event and buy your plushie, but it’s complicated by the fact that such events are only held in Japan for a one to two days, there are thousands of people attending, and you have to queue in advance for a spot in the queue on the event day in order to purchase said nitotans. If your spot in the queue is at the back, most things will be sold out by the time you get to the front. I’m describing Jump Fest from personal experience, which is an annual two-day convention organised by Shonen Jump, the magazine that has brought to us many beloved shonen and sports series’: 

Special edition of Haikyuu “Memories” Nitotans from the 2018 Jump Fest

Where possible, it’s best to pre-order your nitotan plushies. There is no guarantee that the manufacturer will re-release the specific nitotan species you want, unless they happened to be very popular. But selecting the nitotans you want to pre-order is a little more than it seems, because:

How To Select Nitotan

Usually, the only preview available for nitotan plushies at the pre-order stage are graphic 2D designs, which are their keychain designs. However, the actual three-dimensional plushies have significant differences to their flat graphics. One of the biggest thing is the look of their anime hair. The 2D graphics tend to feature many tufts and layers, but on the actual plushie, the hair is made of felt cloth. There are only two “layers” of hair: the fringe is one layer, it frames the face; the tufts that stick out from the side of the head is the other layer.

This means that nitotans of characters like Bokuto from Haikyuu end up with a compressed hairstyle, as his many tufts of black, white and grey hair is printed onto a single sheet of felt. 

Haikyuu’s Bokuto from 2D to 3D

Another feature that is hard to predict as it translates from graphic to actual plushie is the expression. With a physical body, the nitotans’ eyes might end up further apart than imagined, and the mouth smaller. Or bigger. With Big Plushies, you can expect there to be greater symmetry and proper alignment in regards to the doll’s facial features as well as hairdo, but on Small Plushies, these variations are unfortunately larger.  

Luckily for you, as the nitotan series has been doing well, there are plenty of pictures of nitotan plushies available online - on this very post, even - so it’s likely easier for you to gauge what your 3D nitotan plushie might look like before you commit to buying. 

Other Considerations While Buying Nitotan

My golden rule for buying anime character dolls is to always buy in pairs, because one would be too lonely. In other words, complete the ship. That said, I don’t do this for the keychains, because I enjoy buying individual random ones and seeing who I miraculously end up with. Other factors to consider prior to purchase includes:

How To Use (And Care For) Nitotan

I would argue that the biggest nitotans make for pretty versatile toys. I put them in entertaining skits and funny photos all the time. Here are some of the ways you could engage your nitotan units, if you weren’t already aware of it:

(*Only applies to big nitotan

**This will stretch the neck hole of the shirt - the more you do it, the looser it gets)

With their fixed facial expressions and top-heavy weight distribution, it can be a challenge trying to take a good picture with them. A general rule is that those with smiles are photogenic, like how this big Oikawa here looks happy no matter what you make him do, while big Iwaizumi next to him looks perpetually mad:

They’re holding a ticket to the Haikyuu Anime Original Art Exhibition that was held in Jan 2017

How To Bring Nitotan Out

I would suggest you start by investing in a ita-bag (lit. painful bag), which are bags with transparent windows. The intended use was for otakus to bring show off their full badge collection when they attend anime events. This ita-bag recommended by yours truly is a bag series by WE-GO, a Japanese fashion brand, and it’s versatile and stylish enough even for ordinary use. Best of all, its just the size for one big nitotan/five small nitotans. 

Issa style

When you bring your nitotan out, it opens you up to a wide window of photo taking opportunities. I enjoy checking out new cafes with good looking food. Why not spice up the picture with a handsome nitotan about to eat said food? This is even funner in Japan, where nitotans hardly look out of place when you bring them to anime-themed cafes or anime-themed theme parks or just generally anime-themed whatever. 

How To Clean Nitotan

I have yet to dirty my nitotan’s body/facial parts, so I can only talk about the clothes in this section.

When you have nitotans in white outfits, like the Haikyuu Aoba Johsai ones, they do turn yellow over time. You could leave them in their plastic bags the entire time, but you might as well not play with them at all if that’s how you intend to treat them: as collectibles. They are collectibles, but they can be so much more.

Anyways, in the case of my Aoba Johsai nitotans, I have washed their jacket and shirt with ordinary clothes detergent. Instead of throwing it in the washing machine, I put some powder in a small bowl of water and washed them by hand. Then I clipped them on a laundry rack and let them dry naturally. 

The tough part is cleaning the pants, which is sewn onto the doll. I kept a finger between the pants material and the nitotan skin to avoid getting detergent water on the latter, because cotton stuffing. I rubbed detergent water with another finger over the pants material. Then I blow-dryed with a hairdryer. It’s tough, but it always hurts more when white coloured toys get dirty.

If you like me, you happen to own a pet, their felt anime hair attracts all of the fur you never vacuum. In this case, you can use toothpicks or sewing needles to lightly pick at the strand of fur until it comes out. 

Why You Should Buy Nitotan

If you’ve gotten this far in my article, thank you, and I’ll like to clarify once again  that this isn’t a sponsored ad for Takara Tony Arts. This is a sincere shitpost. I’m writing this because I genuienely love nitotans, and I think you could too.

And also for this reason: 

Look no further than official merchandise lines to see which are the top ships and side characters commercially approved by the industry

The KNB anime ended in 2012, even though promotions and merchandise lines for it are still alive and well. The nitotan series started roughly around 2016. In June of 2018, a dream of mine finally got realized when Takara Tony Arts finally dropped a KNB nitotan series in the form of keychains and small plushies. 

What I’m getting at is that continued interest in the nitotan toys will only naturally encourage the makers to render more and more anime, new and old, into these damn cute things. At this point, I’ve got some predictions I’ll like to make for a number of high potential nitotan species’, attributed to the production of recent anime seasons or anime movies: 

Thanks for reading again. I hope I convinced you of something, if not that nitotans are deserving of your love, then maybe that I’m a little bit crazy. I’m going to sit back now and see how many of my predictions come true, and spend another wish or two for a big Kise nitotan. 

bubbl 🫧