Last words?

God didn't do anything for my life. I feel left out. All I can do is self-harm and get angry to ppl I love. I'm sad because I'm different from ppl, because only them can feel pretty. I'm suffocated like every single day and getting tired of even being alive. I hate my work, I hate my studying I hate everything. I'm anti-social, it's not because teens think that it's a cool word. No. Dammit because I'm not confident enough to get back to my social life. You may think I'm tryin to be emo, like damn girl you're a teenager so it's freakin normal, just get over it and have a life.haha. Ppl around me don't even care about my feeling. They just check on how I look and how I behave outside. When I get angry at them, they punish me, they leave me without finding the reasons , finding the solutions. Because I'm sick of living in this world where only beauty can live. People look at you with different sight if you look old-fashioned, ugly, have severe acnes and pimples, too fat or too skinny,... But why? Can't they look at my acnes while talking? Can they stop saying those hurt af things to me meanwhile they think they being so nice by telling me that they feel sorry for my face? What? Why do you feel sorry v can you pay for my face?

I want to die.

16 and don't want to be falling in love w anyone right now just because im so bored with my first love that ended up about 3 months ago. It was a horrible experiment when i have finally knew how hurt love is. Now he's having a new pretty gf and I have to watch them being close w eachother around school. I actually know her. She's my friend and we are in the same singing club at my school. I bet she doesn't know i was his ex but if she does, i dont care :) everything was in the past and everyone moves on. But it still kinda hurts me after all this time- 3 months. When he knew how to forget his ex and moved on but i'm just standing here holding our old memories and hurt myself. Am I dumb? Yeh. So dumb! But i am that person :) i memorize things so clearly , sometimes i just want to wake up with amnesia to forget everything that we had gotten. I wish.. But that's okay , i'm fine. It's just sometimes :D i will find another one soon, right? When i'm ready 😂💪 :)

Just by people saying some dumb shits about myself and you left me to go with her - the girl you think she treated all right and i was a mean bitch in this game for 3. I won then after all I was a loser. I have never showed you anything, about the texts between me and that lil devil...what did I do ? It's all my fault and losing you is the result.. I taught her to flirt with my boyfriend? Because she wanted you and she was my best friend? Then she didn't even thank or do whatever but blocking my messenger .. She texted you when we were mad at each other right? Then you fell in love with her while I was crying about how stupid you was when you treated me like shit? Wow my first love is definitely the worst love and that's the first experiment in life that I would never wanna try again :)

Thought this highschool isn't a suitable place for me when everyone is fake. Fake friendships , fake smiles, fake high scores , fake loves ... We have been living in this place and it turnt us to be fakers with fake loving words because eventually we couldn't even look at our faces...

This is so annoying when everything I can do right now is thinking about you and about us because I haven't been in love with anyone but you..