when u used to be an overachiever but now ur barely running on enough energy to function and u dont know how to cope

Things left out from the movie:

princeofthewoodlands

:

And I would have loved to have seen all of those things!

WHHHHHAAAATTTTTTT!!?!?!?!?!?!?

Please don’t forget Annatar (Sauron’s fair form) at the end of RoTK

Learning calligraphy for future evil plans exciting bookstuffs.  Here’s some recent practice. [image of some italic script in dark red ink on Seyes ruled paper.  It reads: “Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind - Scott Lynch”.]

He’s constantly confusin’, confoundin’ the British henchmen, ev’ryone give it up for America’s favorite fighTING FRENCH MEME

LARGE BAGUETTE

IM TAKING THIS COURSE BY THE GRAINS MAKING BREAD TASTE BETTER WITH WHOLE GRAIN

LARGE BAGUETTE!

AND IM NEVER GONNA STOP UNTIL THE TOAST IS POPPING UP WITH CRISPY CRUMB REMAINS - IM!

LARGE BAGUETTE!

WATCH MY SAUTEEING I’M GLAZING I’M GRATING IM-

LARGE BAGUETTE

I GO TO FRANCE FOR MORE CRUMBS

LARGE BAGUETTE

I COME BACK WITH MORE BUNS… AND CHIPS AND SO THE SALAD SLIPS

we rendezvous with croissant dough, consolidate their chips

we can bake this bread at yorktown, top it off with seeds but, for this to succeed, there’s something else we need

SMALL HAM MAN

LMAOOOO

Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.

You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.

You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.

You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn. 

You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.

You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.

You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.

So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”

Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”

Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)

And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”

Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]

Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.

“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”

[-Inspired by this post by @accio-shitpost-]

“To Bernie Sanders with thanks for your commitment to real healthcare access for all Americans and best wishes -

Hillary Rodham Clinton 1993″

HTIS IS SO FUNNY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE ALL DRAMATIC BUT THERES LIKE FIVE OF THEM

#i can’t believe ~civil war~ is actually just a fist fight in a tesco’s parking lot

(me, waiting on a delayed flight, stuck in the waiting area with the huge glass windows, watching like 10 guys fight on the landing strip) so should we like call someone

Joe Biden bravely risks life and limb to make an actual, real-life “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” joke. Not all heroes wear capes. #tedcruzisthezodiackiller

Yorktown

I’m crying I’m sitting her in Economics and Personal Finance and crying my eyes out

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I watched a full scene from Hamilton for the very first time. Today is an excellent day.

Why can’t you email a picture to a Jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden.

I AM SO ANGRY

Anger leads to hate

Hate leads to suffering

How many people’s fantasies did Deadpool just live out?

nickfil on Reddit: “Fun fact: I’m the colorist for that story and originally made him a gryffindor. We went back and forth on a couple rounds of corrections and the editors insisted hufflepuff. That isn’t a casual joke. That’s deliberate deadpool cannon.”

DEADPOOL IS A HUFFLEPUFF EAT ME SQUEEEE

J.K. Rowling is about to spill the secrets of the American wizarding community

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DON’T LET PALPATINE WIN

I’m going to drop kick everyone’s taints if he wins the election.

I went in for #mebeforeyou saw that Armada was out in pb and the cashier talked me into getting the last one which I’ve never heard of by comparing it to Firefly, so that’s all my gift cards finally spent! #book #bookish #bookery #booknerd #bookworm #bookaddict #Bookaholic #bookstagram #booknerdigans #bibliophile #literature #epicreads #reader #reading #instabooks #ireadalot #ireadya #yalit #bookshimmy #bookhaul #ernstcline #jojomoyes #Beckychambers

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet is one of the greatest science fiction novels of the last decade it was so so so wonderful I hope you love it!

It really does feel like getting another season of Firefly it made me so happy.

This … this may be the funniest Batman panel I’ve ever seen.