Before I met you

May 14, 2017 -Me before you- Growing up nothing's ever made sense before. I grew up in a home where acceptance wasn't exactly a thing. I grew up not knowing what unconditional love looked like, much less felt like. I experienced loving things then unexpectedly getting them taken away from me. I have felt pain at its highest and I have felt what the definition of weak is. I have learned to stay to myself more then most. It was me and a part of me knew that being alone was the best thing for me. Having a heart like I do, it was the best way to protect it. So I did. I pushed everyone closest away from me. My parents, siblings, relatives, friends, anyone that could possibly hurt me. I knew how deeply my heart felt things and more importantly how weak my mind was to those I thought the most of. So I did exactly that. Adapted to knowing that there would never be anyone who understood me or even cared to try. I saw the world for the first time. I saw what loves wasn't and I experienced losing what I thought it was. I saw what pain feels like and I saw what happiness looks like. I have seen heartbreak and I have seen what kind of people surround us on this earth we're all forced to share. I opened my eyes to new things. I saw myself in the mirror one day, not just a glance, but I really saw myself. that's when I realized I was different. What I felt was different then most. The thoughts I had were beyond the thoughts of the people I surrounded myself with. Then again I lost myself. Coming to realization of who I really am was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. How do you be the person your parents never wanted you to become? I had to grasp all of it in a very short amount of time and realize that you don't live for others. You live for you. Then she came along. The girl that rocked my world. The girl who saw the heart in my chest and continued to take advantage of it. with this happening I lost hope in finding someone who believed I was worthy of loving. she hurt me. She looked into my eyes and gave me every reason to shut off everything that made me different from the world. So that's what I did. I shut it off. I took that heart and buried it into the deepest darkest part of me where I knew no one could make it come alive again. I played games. I did exactly what she did to me too multiple different people. Searching for what I thought was love. But I never succeed. Of course I didn't. It took one time to look into your eyes and see them shine for me for my heart to become completely uncontrollable. It took one time to feel your hand rapped in mine to know that your hand was the one I wanted to hold forever. but I knew for the start that it was you. For once I didn't feel alone. I never felt that before. For once I feel heard, actually cared for. for once in my life I feel what love is. Not just any love but the love I searched for my whole life. Unconditional love. but a part of me was still incapable of understanding it. How can one person mean so much to me. How can I look at one person and no longer feel the need to search for any type of love anymore. How can one person come into my life and change my thought on everything I have ever felt or seen. You opened my eyes to feelings I have never felt and opened my heart to a love that I never thought existed. I never knew that my home I have lived in wasn't my home until I met you. You showed me that a home isn't a toxic place. A home is somewhere you feel the most comfortable. A home is somewhere that you know you belong and never feel like you don't. A home is the place you feel most loved and most valuable. You're my home and no matter how many times I say that, the meaning still tends to rise above it. I can say I love you or say that I am in love with you, but yet it says nothing. So let me tell you this. I promise to take care of you. Mentally and physically. I promise to never let you think that you are unworthy of a love that completes every last piece of you. I promise to show you the beauty of real love. I promise to hold you and still call you beautiful on your worst days. I promise to never let you fall or let you face this world alone ever again. I promise to hold your hand through the rough patches of this live we have been chosen to live in. I promise to be your shoulder to cry on and to keep you safe in my embrace for as long as I am standing. I promise to give you the best love story you have ever seen and do whatever it takes to make all of your beautiful dreams come true. But most importantly I promise to love all of you. Every last part of you. you changed things. and that is not being said lightly. you have given me a pair of eyes that sees the beauty within me and within my dreams. You have shown me acceptance and what it's like to be in love. you have given me the world when all I asked for was someone to love me with the same love I gave them. You have no idea how much you have changed my life. I have never been so in love with everything about somebody. Everything about you is proof that perfection exists. How lucky am I to get to experience loving and being loved by someone who will change this crazy world we live in. How lucky am I to look at you and say that's my person. I promise to give you everything you want and need for the rest of you life. I thank god every day for giving me the best gift he could possibly give me. A girl that showed me what no one has ever been capable of. a girl that's beauty goes deeper then the deepest ocean and eyes that read everything in my head that can't be spoken. A girl that will look at me as worthy of loving. And he managed to give me someone beyond that. He gave me you. I will always be your motivation and you will always be my inspiration. you made me realize that living is a beautiful thing because I get to live loving you.